I think forums are a good way of gaining knowledge, and expanding your horizons in the manner of opening oneself to new ideas and opinions. About "no one really gives a hoot". In this commercial world of today, yes, not many will. Most people are busy doing their own thing. I have seen it happen. I enjoyed my youth and my past. It was full of fun, joy and laughter, and the friendships I had were genuine. So yes, at this stage in my life, it can be said, I am lonely but I am happy with not much to worry about except lack of communication sets the ball rolling for dementia and other related issues. So, of course, the forum gets your brain wired and working, in a way.
@Nancy Hart @Susan Paynter Perhaps not having anyone who gives a hoot is sometimes the result of choices we have made (and not made.) Other people have those in their lives who give a hoot. One cannot have it both ways. ps: Remove the words "perhaps" and "sometimes" and you'll get a more intellectually honest statement...it's in code.
I think you are onto something with the house. Being tethered is a good way to put it. Could be to a spouse, or a friend, or even a house. My original post about loneliness was not my original thought, btw. I read it somewhere long ago. When I left home for good, it was to a place far away where I knew NOBODY. It took me almost a year to meet a good friend. I don't think I ever felt lonely, and often wondered why. When I read that it made sense. I knew I could always go home at any time if it got that bad. Would I have ever done that?. . It never got that bad. . I also kept busy.
I'm going through a period right now where I suffer from loneliness, and depression on occasion, loss of interest in everything I used to love, all because a few months ago I separated from my wife of 56 years. I left the house that I love and moved into a small basement apartment. So yes I'm lonely at times I miss my wife, my dog, my home. There's also a scary aspect to it, having to learn to live by myself and get through each day. I miss watching TV with my wife at night disgusting the shows now I watch TV by myself and it's terribly lonely. Yes I have my "things" my music, TV, books, and magazines, they can't replace the human element. Maybe in time I can adjust and feel a little more comfortable with my new life time will tell. Please understand I do go back to the house to work on the property I'll see my wife and my dog but it's just not the same. I believe the definition of loneliness is your saddened because you have no friends, whether it's real or not that's how I feel so I think I have loneliness in my life right now.
That is understandable. There would have to be something wrong with you if you didn't have those feelings.
I had the framework of a reply erected, but so much boils down to Nature/Nurture (from Day One of our lives) and how they dance with each other throughout our lives.
That must be a huge adjustment, Tony. Hopefully you will settle into your new normal and begin to feel better soon. Do you consider getting yourself another dog? Dogs can be incredible company, as I'm sure you know.
I am so sorry to hear of such drastic changes in your life so recently, Tony. I swear, humans aren't meant to go through half the crap that life throws at us, or that others throw at us.
It has been a large adjustment which I'm just getting used to. The winter was tough with the snow couldn't get out. Just want you to know my wife and I are still on good terms so I go to the house as often as I can I still do grocery shopping how to get a chance to see my dog. I'm not allowed to have pets where I am right now. My daughter and her family AR in an apartment on my house so she's there for my wife. I only brought it up my situation because of the subject of loneliness and how life situations created it. My life situation is very complicated now which adds loneliness.
You're right I would never expected this to happen but you have to fight keep moving on. I can't share anything with my wife right now you just can't handle it. That in itself creates a loneliness because I can't discuss issues maybe until in time it'll change. I joined the chat room because of a need 2 get involve 2 help reduce my loneliness. Unfortunately I'm not very good with chat rooms.
Don't confuse technical adeptness with quality or depth of thought, my friend. This is a strange way of interacting, with no facial expressions, tone of voice, or immediacy of interaction. I often think of kids on social media when I feel as though my toes have been stepped on...and I'm [supposedly] an adult with a wholly-formed identity!!! That's not good that you cannot share what's going on, at least with somebody (not necessarily here, although you may if you like.) Those nonverbalized, unorganized thoughts have a way of rattling around and going in weird cycles that repeat annoyingly,take on a life of their own and never resolve. Ask me how I know... I hate to give advice, but I'm about to do it. If it bothers you, stop reading now and please forgive me. If you have no human being with whom you can safely discuss this stuff--and in doing so organize your thoughts and your feelings--perhaps in the interim you might write them down just to get them out (call it a journal, a diary, or just writing down your thoughts.) I quit drinking over 30 years ago and attended tons of 12 Step meetings. When you have an environment where you can just say what's on your mind and ramble if you want, knowing there will be no interruption, no judgement and no feedback (it's literally against the rules), you are constantly surprised at how organizing your thoughts in order to verbalize them helps reduce the anger and the mental chaos. You're not speaking to the group, you're really speaking to yourself. "Journaling" is the next best thing.
John thank you for your Insight and thoughtful words. You're right writing does help, especially when you have no answers. It just seems that many things are going wrong but I'm a Believer in tomorrow. I'm not sure where I read it or who said it I try to follow" if I can't find a way I'll make one" and I do believe in the power of the human spirit (mind). Thank you
I have never been accused of being tactful, so please accept my apologies, ahead of time, if the following offends. You wrote that you were married 56 years. In cases where I've read about people separating after so many years, I always find it almost impossible to believe that the two people involved couldn't work out some way to stay together. I always wonder what could split up a couple after so many years. Can you shed any light, at all, on why you had to move out? With 56 years of marriage, I imagine you're, at least, 74, and, possibly, even older. Again, I find it so hard to believe that you couldn't find a way to continue to live together. If you feel comfortable expounding on the above, I'd really be interested in hearing about your experience. If not, please disregard this post, and, again, accept my apologies for asking.
@Nancy Hart You are correct in your idea of loneliness. It can happen regardless of whom your with or where you are .