My husband Johnny hasn't been in the best of health since the first stroke he had. He fell Saturday and couldn't walk. He's in the hospital. Unfortunately, he failed to be able to stand on his own. With that said, I had to start thinking about if he will never be able to walk again What am I going to do? This morning I have resolved to the possibility of admitting him to a nursing home because he will need skilled nursing care 24/7 which I wouldn't be able to do at home by myself. Believe me I have attempted to fool myself that I could do this but in reality I can not. The cons outweigh the only positive which is having him at home. So I have been scouring the internet this morning and found myself needing someone's ear and shoulder. So, hey you guys and gals I need to hear from you.
@Von Jones . So sorry. I thought something was wrong as have not heard from you much on here. I guess this is something all of us will have at some point. Can your children help you with some decisions ? Take check of your finances. Pick the most important thing to deal with first. I think that may be finding a close and affordable place for him to be. He needs looking after and you need help making some serious decisons. Huggs to you and prayers for you both.
Healing after a stroke may or may not happen; but it is possible that he will recover enough to be mobile again. Does your town have a place for short-term care that Johnny could go for a month and see how much he is going to recover ? When my friend Joy was in the hospital due to her heart, she recovered to the point she didn’t have to be hospitalized, but was not well enough to go home. The nursing home there kept her for about a month (all covered by her Medicare )until she was doing well enough to go home, so putting your husband in a care home might not need to be a permanent thing. When Joy was in the nursing home, they were not allowing visitors (which should be better now), so her family had to stand outside of her window and they talked on the phone. This would give you some time to make the best decision if it turns out that he is going to need to be in a nursing home from now on, and if he is going to recover, it should show within the first month. When my dad had his massive stroke, he was not able to walk or even talk afterwards, just garbled speech that we had to try and guess at what he wanted. Medicare provided a hospital bed and sent visiting nurses every day to take care of him at home. I don’t know if that is an option for you, but it might be something else to look at. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this, @Von Jones ! Sending Prayers, love, and HUGS to you. We all understand if you are busy, but remember, we all care, and are here when you need to talk, and we miss you when you are not here.
I'm sorry to hear about your husband, Von. It is really hard to take care of another individual all by yourself if they aren't mobile. If it's the same where you live as here, when your husband is ready to be released from the hospital, they may want him to spend some time in a rehab center. Medicare pays for up to 21 days of that. Supplemental insurance will pick up the rest. Ask the hospital if they plan on doing that. During that time the staff will evaluate his progress and give you recommendations, including whether he can stay at home or not, and a list of facilities, anything from home help, to assisted living, to nursing home. They will also assist you in making arrangements. If they don't do that I would ask them if it's a possibility. It gives you a period of time to see what to expect. You may also have a state agency that provides information and assistance. We have a branch here called the NE GA Regional Council on Aging. It may be called something like that in Ohio.
Hospital's also usually have Social Workers who are there to give you information and helpyou find options available for you. And most cities do have agencies for the elderly that can help you in this area too. I'm so sorry you and your husband are going through this Von and I pray God will send the right people to help you in your time of need. I will be praying peace and God's best for both of you. Please know we all are here for you too.
@Al Amoling @Gloria Mitchell @Yvonne Smith @Nancy Hart @Babs Hunt thank you all. I appreciate reading each and every word from you this morning. I spoke with the nurse and was happy to hear that Johnny even though unsteady was able to walk a few feet with the assistance of a walker to the restroom. He has a MRI scheduled and will be evaluated by a physical therapist today. Hopefully, I should know the results on Monday.
Von, I'm sorry to hear about your husband. I don't have any advice for you on this situation. The closest I've been is when my mother got dementia, but she had purchased Long Term Care insurance and was able to hire a live-in. We initially put her into a long-term care unit, but she was able to transition back home, so we were not faced with the responsibility of making any decisions. Like everyone else here, I miss seeing you and will do what I can to "be here." It sounds like you're on the right track. Johnny needs to be where he can be properly cared for and you don't need to set yourself up to "fail" in providing care that no individual human possibly can. That being said, different folks make different choices for different personal reasons...none of them are "wrong." They all have trade-offs.
Definitely let the hospital social worker help you. He or she will be a source of great information to you. I second the plan of going to "rehab" before coming home. He will get more intensive physical therapy than he would at home. If the hospital tries to release him before you have made arrangements for him, just keep repeating this phrase, "I CANNOT TAKE CARE OF HIM AT HOME. THERE IS NO ONE AT HOME THAT CAN TAKE CARE OF HIM. I CANNOT PROVIDE ADEQUATE CARE FOR HIM AT HOME." Von, it's vital that you take of yourself as well.
@Von Jones During the recent past, my wife and I have become thoroughly familiar with the plight facing you. It is now time to get her Mom into a place more capable of caring for her, as it has become very difficult for her sister doing so. Their Mom's last fall left her with a broken shoulder which requires surgery, but the docs say she is too old and frail to survive it. In my own case, walking about while dizzy, a fall is becoming more and more likely. I am not ready to be committed. Have not had a stroke, luckily, but we know how hard this is for you. Words of encouragement are all that can be offered. Keep an open mind, maintain hope, Von. Frank
You all are so encouraging and supportive sharing experiences and advice. The things that I have read on the internet can't match the release of anxiety that you all have given me. I was feeling so bad too talk to someone that tears were falling from my eyes then I thought of you all at 6:00 this morning. What a bunch of e-friends I have gotten to know here.
Von, I don't have much to add as far as advice; the others have pretty much covered some good options. I'd just like to add my very best wishes to you and to Johnny, and to let you know that you are in my thoughts. I'm so sorry that you are having such stressful times and I totally understand the anxiety you must feel. I wish I could do something to help you through this.
Hi Von and sorry you are faced with making such a difficult decision. Finding a good assisted living home is difficult and also expensive. Taking care of him yourself would probably lead to you having health issues. My heart goes out to you and hopefully, you can get him into a good situation. Some here have people come into their home and help, but seldom does that work out well. Usually, those folks are paid poorly, and monitoring them is more trouble than it is worth. Here is a big virtual hug for you! Love you girl and sorry to read this news.
So sorry to hear this...life happens and not always in a good way. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope you find the help you need to make this very personal and important decision. I wish I could be of help, but I have not encountered this myself or know of anybody that has. Whatever you decide I wish you all the best, God Bless.
Hey Beth. I am always told that I am strong or the glue of this family and never really thought about it much but I am now. When one of granddaughters asked me if I was sad, I responded, Yes, I am. Then her sisters began asking why and they began their own conversation about what was happening. I couldn't help but chuckle because I actually realized that I am sad about it but I also know that I have to be strong to do what is needed of me for Johnny and myself. Johnny seemed a little down when I saw him yesterday.