Child Free

In one of my others groups I found a sub-group named "Child free"; amazes me the number of men who don't want kids and to read the problems they have to find dates.
I was always told a woman MUST have kids...that's her principal obligation; people attempted to convince me I should have two or three (I have none) and I was under the impression most men wanted to be fathers. Well, I was mistaken.

 

Some men are joyous as heck to find out their girlfriend or wife is pregnant, while others, definitely not so much. "How could this happen to me?" some men will ask themselves, along with "I thought you were on birth control?". With some men, and women also, it can break up a relationship/marriage.

But, some things, and having children is a main one, needs to be talked about from the beginning of the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Some women don't want to ask her new boyfriend what he thinks, because of various reasons, including financial, she really doesn't want to know his answer. And, depending on how a woman answers the question about having kids, the man can be very hesitant to ask.

IOW, "he wants kids and I don't" or "she wants kids and I don't".

I have a daughter with my "ex", but we are very estranged from each other. My wife (now) had two kids, but lost both. Baby to crib-death and teen son to cancer. Not too long after we met, she had surgery to remove gal stones and had a hysterectomy at the same time. Didn't bother me at all that she had this done. We both figured that it was too late for us to have kids, being that, when we met, I was 49 and she was 50.

 

A young guy doesn’t want to have kids either intentionally or accidentally while he’s playing the field. It’s only after meeting the right one and getting serious should the question come up.

 

Cody ,

The men n women in the sub-group I mentioned don't nor ever did want kids.
The day I met my future husband I asked him if he had / wanted kids. If he had answered "yes" to either question I would have gone to the lady's room and disappeared

 

Ed Wilson,

I guess you didn't read my post as intended. The guys / ladies I mentioned don't want kids. Period.

I never wanted kids; this has vested on me all kinds f insults.

 

I guess men and women are, presumed, to want/have kids. If that is not wanted, society, in general, doesn't understand and will feel negative about the man and woman. Society has a presumption of a lot of things. From the "presumption" can easily come insults.

 

The problem I had, for the 21 years I was single/divorced, is that I related sex with love. So, each woman I met, I sort of fell in love with. To me, I wasn't "playing the field" at all, I was seriously looking for a relationship and marriage.

However, I never asked one woman I met, after my "ex" and I split up, "what's your feelings about having kids". I'd say that most already had kids.

 

I never cared for the idea of having kids ..... and didn't when I was briefly married.

After that , when I was dating .... I never wanted another man's children either. It just never made sense to me to giveup my freedom , time , & money needed to raise anothers children.
It sort of amazed me that so many women just could not understand that. In my experiences they all seem to think ........ Love me, love my children ...... well it doesn't work that way. I suppose it might for some .... not me.

I dated one woman that @ the time didn't want any either ...... I screwed up with her, should have held onto her .........

 

Dunno. It would seem logical that the only responses on a board called, “child free” would be those who didn’t want to have children.
So far as being surprised, the number of women on birth control, the number of men who buy condoms and the number of abortions in the U.S. would kinda take the surprise out of the equation.

 

Some folks have kids and shouldn’t have.
Some folks don’t or can’t have kids and should be able to.
On the other side, some folks are good with relationships and some definitely shouldn’t be with anyone.
Others can’t.
The one’s who don’t want and have no need to be in a relationship are generally happy with their choice.

The wheels on the bus go round and round…

Note and edit: Some folk’s genetic line should have been discontinued 3 or 4 generations prior

 

"I see envy in some eyes, but they are not free to speak their mind"


Thoese are likely the ones with a spouse .... and a passel of kids ?

 

It gets complicated with kids and with ex's too for that matter. One woman I spent a considerable amount of time with had two kids from two previous marriages. One kid was just a joy but the other not, and her father was someone you would not want to be be around. I would have taken the woman and the likeable kid but not the whole package.

 

Boy, Bobby, this is really, really correct.

 

I was raised to believe my lot in life was to find a man have kids. Unfortunately, I did not realize until later on that was a crock. I had two, and made sure that was all I had. My only regret was having them too young.
My step daughter has been married, now divorced ,no kids. Even when she was younger she said no kids- to sticky and too needy. She has dogs. Her dad would love a Grand kid of his own, but knows will never happen. Pros and Cons to each- married and having kids. Depends on the person, but even that is subject to change. I think if you are smart enough to realize early on you are not the marrying kind, and that being a parent is not for you- good. No divorces, no abused or abandoned kids. Besides um, some people were not meant to breed.