I think a lot of the issues center around expectations, and how we "imagine" a different way of living might be. Lots of us are "the marrying kind," as long as marriage is how we fantasize it to be. And I imagine some married people wish they were single, but that's only based on comparing the reality of their married life to the fantasy of how they imagine a single life would be. Reality is usually a lot different than we imagine. My parents had 6 kids over a 16 year span. My mother once told me that if she had realized where babies came from, she wouldn't have had so many children (she never said exactly where she would have stopped.) Reminds me of the women who go to the ER because they're convinced they're having an attack of appendicitis, and walking out the next day holding the baby they had no idea they were carrying (not to single out women, because some men are no better.) "Family Planning" is an oxymoron...in many (most?) cases it just happens. Children are an unintended consequence. I do find it odd (and inappropriate) to still see people sticking their noses in the lives of single people (men and women) trying to "find someone" for them. It's so cliché. And it's horribly intrusive. I guess their own lives are lacking.
@John Brunner I had best of both - being single by choice for long time and then marrying for a long time. I prefer to married at least to the man I married.
Why? It's just a thread about being or not being "child free". To be that way is ok for some, while not so ok with others. We, as a society, many times see people do things that we don't agree with. IOW, to those "others", many things are considered "not normal". There are those that don't ever want to marry, and many people agree "he/she shouldn't". Same goes for having kids.
I think it is fine that people don't want to have children or marry, but I have seen quite a number of people now who made that choice and now are totally alone. My high school sweetheart married and had no children, but her parents are both dead and now her husband is dying of cancer, and when he goes, she will be totally alone. She is not the only one I know in this situation She has been married 50 years and may end her life in a nursing home or assisted living with nobody that cares.
If people have children thinking that they will look after them in their old age, they may well be disappointed. I can't think of a worse reason to have children. The only good reason to have children that I can think of is because you want them. Neither my daughter or my son wanted children. I didn't encourage them to have any because every child should be born to parents that want them. My other son had two because he and his wife wanted them.
The thread makes me sad for the unwanted children. I'm very happy that my husband had no problem loving a woman with two sons, as I had no trouble loving him with his two daughters and a son. All children should be loved and wanted. I totally support people who don't want children and I hope they never have any. As for the ignorant women who claim they didn't know they were pregnant before giving birth, I say "bullshit." I carried two babies and having them kick and squirm under my skin was definitely noticeable.
It's interesting that the birth rate for all advanced cultures is (and has been) way lower than "Replacement Level," meaning the rate required to maintain a population at it's current level, neither growing nor shrinking. The Replacement Level in America is 2.1 births per woman (2,100 births per 1,000 women.) Our rate in 2019 and 2020 was between 1.6 and 1.7 births per woman. For 43 of the past 45 years, our native population has been shrinking, with any increases solely coming from immigration (again, being replicated elsewhere.) So there are lots and lots of people who are child-free, not only in America but in (almost?) every advanced culture. You gotta wonder what's driving the trend. Lots of folks around the world ain't making 'em like they used to. That's been the case since the mid 1960s, so the trend started just as early Boomers hit their late teens, so this is really an issue "caused" by those of us here, our global generational counterparts, and our children (and maybe our grandchildren.) So what gives? (Remember, this is universal among advanced cultures, so reasons may differ elsewhere.) >Selfishness/narcissism? >Growing up in a record number of broken households that's killed the allure of "family"? >Better/faster/cheaper birth control that has prevented accidental starter families? >Women can fully support themselves without there being a stigma attached, so "why marry and breed"? >Increased living standards that permit couples to have fewer kids and focus on their success? >The "Save Mother Earth" movement having an effect? >Governments with their thumbs on the scales (marriage, parenthood) to make it less attractive? >Feminism? >Fill-in-the-blank?
Check's in the mail. But it is interesting that those among us (and our peers) are the ones who set this trend.
People with liberal leanings tend to have fewer, if any children, and the sterilization/ vasectomy rates and abortion rates are much higher in Blue states as well.