Has this topic been discussed here in the past? My daughter and I probably had struggles starting when she was 17 and here at 57 still exists. A lot has gone on in all these years but just wondering how common this is, something tells me more common than not. She is a child of a divorce and that could have a lot to do with our relationship. Over the years when I've seen a MFC it's been about how "to get thru some issues with her".... And both sides of our families have addictions; mostly alcohol.
Joy, I know there have been posts about issues with adult children, but I don't know specifically where those posts are. My husband and I have a blended family with 5 children between us, and though it hasn't always been smooth sailing the children have all grown into great people. I don't know if we were extraordinarily lucky or what, but our adult kids couldn't be any better to us or to their own families. I'm sorry you still have issues with your daughter, and sad to say that by this time of life, the die is undoubtedly cast.
Yes, just when I think things are running smoothly, bam the hammer comes down. Thanks... Right now she's excited about a couple things in her life and I told her I'm happy for her but she must think I should have the same enthusiasm, how can that be?
I have a divorced friend with that issue (she has one son and one daughter.) For some reason, the daughter has always blamed Mom for Dad's dying when daughter was young (according to what Mom says.) Then all sorts of weird stuff flows from it, like thinking her brother got his college paid for by Mom when the guy did it himself when working full time. There's always some friction there. My friend is in her 70s and her daughter is mid 40s, and it will never get better. But I only have one side of the story. That being said, I had 5 siblings, only one of who's version of reality ever coincided with mine. I'm sure there's more than one thread on this subject; after all, this Group you posted in is "Family & Relationships." I can not find one that was similar here, but there's nothing wrong with starting your own thread on your own concern. There ain't too many variations on this [sad] theme, IMHO.
@Joy Martin.. I feel your pain. I could tell you things that would knock you over with one of mine. She is now 54 and things are some what better. Well i really do not want to go into all on here. My suggestion ? Be happy for her, what ever her moments of bliss are. Only listen and console when failed. By the time their are into full adulthood, ti is doubtful much will change. Her mistake are hers, not yours. Agree to disagree. I wish you well.
Now, Al, is this better: We have a friend that gets along with his two adult sons so great it's almost shocking, but great also. His sons are both college graduated Engineers, with families and great income, just like their dad had. I really wish more parents got along with their adult kids like he does with his sons.
Al, do us both a favor...........leave me alone! Put me on "Ignore" or something. Anyway, she talking about her relationship with her daughter is and I said something about how our friend gets along with his two adult sons.
Most people have family problems in one way or another. Be glad you two are still talking and are having some kind of a civil relationship. I could talk about my issues but I can't. It's a guy thing to suck it up.
I think more and more children whose parents divorced have a lot of issues .. my parents stayed together for 62 yrs of a tough marriage but mom would never leave him....the 3 of us did our lives and we all moved miles away from the family home too. So many factors. And again the addiction issues. I want only the best for her and the children, but a mother has opinions and often have to express them. They don't know it ALL....and neither do I but I know a lot more. A friend who is in her late 70's had a long hard struggle with her mother, not her father, and they had a lot of rifts in their lives....but during her mom's last years and her mom died recently at 98, my friend talked to her every day and misses her, but 98!!!!
"I want only the best for her and the children, but a mother has opinions and often have to express them. They don't know it ALL....and neither do I but I know a lot more." @Joy Martin , the very first thing I learned when I became a mother-in-law was, "Keep your mouth shut." And smile while you are doing it. And double down on that when I became a grandmother. It ain't easy but it is necessary.
Hard for a mother to keep mouth shut, maybe a mother in law can do it a lot better. Mothers investment is so huge.
I think you need to cut the adult-child link at some point and make it understood that you're both two different people, both adults but with one being older and more experienced. Make sure they understand you have different interests and don't give advice unless asked. When they reach adulthood, expect them to act like it.
Ok, thanks Mr. West, it's a new post and it's not like I've been talking about it for weeks/months....... Amazing how some on forums like to direct others on what to say and what not to say....ummmm