Well I found out that are rules to being a single grandmother that never occurred to me. My granddaughter(age 31), and my grandson, (age 27), have set a couple of rules for me, and they said more may come. When I went to visit Yvonne a month ago, I had the kids and neighbors keep an eye on my place, and take care of my dogs. No problems. Then a couple of weeks ago I traveled a couple hundred miles to Austin to visit a step sister I hadn't seen for 33 years. Last Sunday I went a on another two hundred mile trip to Douglass in the opposite direction to visit a nephew. This morning I was speaking to my 16 year old granddaughter, and I told her of my visits. An hour later, the older two are over here strongly advicing me that they don't want me to travel like that without telling them first. This surprised me as they only came over a couple of times in the last three years when their grandfather was failing. It didn't even enter my mind that I needed to tell others about my trips. I do understand their concerns, and in the future I'll leave notice of my plans with one of them. But the way they acted was like I was burning down my pink barn. ( Yes I have a big two story PINK barn. That's what happens when you don't get color fast paint.) So now I guess I have to learn a whole set of new rules. -----
It's funny how the rules keep changing. I remember as a kid, I couldn't wait until I was grown up so that I could make the rules. I never realized at the time, that even as a grown up, others get to make the rules, too. You don't get to live your life only on your own set of rules. The hard thing is, a lot of times they change and you don't even know it. It's funny that as we get older, we now have the kids giving us the rules. My mother-in-law, who is in her 80s, lives alone in a house with a very steep set of stairs. The only bathroom is upstairs as is her bedroom and she has bad knees. She has 4 boys, and 2 of them (not my husband) are adamant that she get one of those "I've fallen and can't get up" button things. She's just as adamant, "That when I want your opinion, I'll ask for it". She's admonished my husband (why, he's not sure) that she's going to die in this house, and "don't you dare think about putting me in a senior development." I think it's a positive sign that she's arguing with them.
I think when anyone goes on a trip someone should know where you are going and with whom just in cause something happens someone will know that the person is in route someplace. I have that rule in my family, it is not to keep track of you but more to give me peace of mind. When the Pentagon was hit by the plane we went crazy trying to account for all family members that may have been their working.
Seriously, Pat, I had a friend who worked there at the time, also, and I was going nuts! Ina, I agree with the kids. I'm sure you haven't given it a thought, but even though they may not be there all the time, I'm sure they do care, and obviously they worry. I have a friend who uses a private family Facebook group to keep the family updated on things like that, as well as family get togethers, holiday plans, etc. If you did something like that, or maybe sent group texts, if you don't use Facebook, or would prefer not to put it out there (only members can see the messages), I'm sure there's something you can do that wouldn't take too much trouble, but would put their minds at ease.
I know that all of you, and the grandkids are right. It just never occurred to me before. Until my husband died, I have never been on my own,so there never seemed to be a need to tell anyone. It seems that there are many new rules, and things I now have to figure out. I would appreciate all the advice any of you might have concerning this new way of life.
I remember when I was growing up, and I used to go out horseback riding for hours in the summertime. My mother always wanted to know exactly where I was going, which roads, and so on. I resented this at first, because I was (after all) a teenager now, and thought that i could take care of myself and be perfectly fine all day. I went with friends; so it was not even like I was out riding all day by myself. However, my mom explained that even if I was old enough to be safe out riding; there could always be some kind of a family emergency, and they would want to be able to find me if something happened. I realized that something could happen with either my mother or my father, and if one of them was taken to the hospital for any reason, I certainly DID want them to be able to find me and tell me what happened so I could get back home right away. It made so much sense to me, and that is how I explained it to my own kids when they were growing up, too. It benefits everyone in the family if we know how to reach each other in an emergency. Another important thing to do is to always add an ICE (In Case of Emergency) contact in our cell phones; that way in case of a car accident or other emergency, they can contact the family member(s) you want notified. It is simple to do, you just add the "ICE" after their name in your contact list.
Well, I think that at your age you are mature enough to not need any rules. I'm guessing you could tell your children when you will go somewhere, but I don't really see why they would need to keep you at home.
@John Donovan, I think some of the problem comes from the fact that they seldom saw me anywhere but at home by there Papaw's side. Now I have to find out what kind of lifestyle will work for me, and I don't want to just around until I die. So everything I'm doing now is out of character for me, they think.
Since you said you're naive, I wanted to make sure you saw this, just in case. This is a very dangerous situation, and they've listed some tips of what to do/not to do if you're in this situation with a potential faux cop: http://www.click2houston.com/news/m...pull-over-offduty-officer-police-say/33134362
Yes there are points in our live when it is no longer safe to be alone. Sad but true. This past weekend all of the kids have gone away for the holiday and I have something I truly treasure, alone time. It has been just recently that I have had an epiphany about things you do alone. Quite on a whim coming home from work the other day I saw some large Northern Geese out with the hatch-lings and had to take pictures. They were on a walkway by the local college. I jumped out of my car camera in hand and started to shoot away. A female jogger ran past and it did not bother me, then another went by and that was fine. Then a young man ran by and I had this like sixth sense that I was not safe, so I did what I have always done in every situation where I have felt like this, I turned and watched him intently ready for combat if need be. You better believe I had on my game face. I do carry a kubaton so if this guy tried anything he would get one surprise. I always listen to that inner voice. Lucky for him he kept going but I decided to leave anyway. It has been a very long time since I felt like this anywhere. Yesterday I decided to go to the mall, things like this do not bother me because there are always many people around. When I like alone time I do not even want to carry the cell phone, but I had the thought I need to in case something should happen with the car. I would love to take a walk on a trail or go at dawn to photo the birds at the nature preserve, but I know to do it alone is a risk. I guess anything we do alone has a certain degree of risk, you could fall and be hurt and no one would know. As far as traveling goes I think as long as you check in with someone once in awhile it is fine. Use common sense and be aware whats around you. Yes you probably should take a cell phone, and i have always believed as a female you should arm yourself and know how to use that weapon. When I was a young woman in my 20's I lived in a very bad area, I used to carry this hunting knife my boyfriend at the time gave me. One day I was walking to work at about 11am or so and this man approached me, bent down and picked up this large stick like he was going to do something to me, he turned right toward me like he might try to hit me or something. I thought at the time he might try to rape me, and I had this knife in my pocket so I pulled it out ready to go. Now I am holding this knife in my hand by my side, with that game face on, no words, no screaming, just the cold death stare, and he says to me- "what do you think you can do with that" and i just smiled the most demented smile I could, because I remember someone told me once if someone tries to come at you act like you are crazy because that is terrifying since crazy people are erratic, so yea, I must have looked pretty scary because this guy ran away fast. I was lucky it was just one, the point being we always have to be aware whats around us and what our own ability is. It isn't just people, sometimes there are animals and things like that which could bite you or cause a problem. Deer collisions are no fun, and honestly i did wonder if those Geese might bite me, but they were fine.
@Jenn Windey The crazy act really does work. I had a guy grab me on the street in Houston years ago, and people just kept on going by, as if nothing was going on, so I started yelling like Linda Blair in Exorcist, and he got really freaked out and left. I've used to at least one other time that I can think of off the top of my head, and it worked then, also. I always have some sort of weapon with me, just in case. If it can happen once, it can happen again. I'm glad you listened to your gut and left the walkway the other day. We have instincts for a reason, and I respect them.
I know that both of you are right. As far as carrying a baton to hit someone with, that wouldn't work for me. My grandson told me that the way I move, a person can tell that it would be nothing to take anything like that away from me. So I gave my husband's oldest guns to my grandchildren, and I sold enough to buy myself a Smith & Wesson .38 revolver. That'll work, and I can stop a bad person before he can get to me. I been working with guns since I was about ten.
Last I heard, open carry was looking positive, here in Texas. I wish things were different, but it appears our society is getting more dangerous, so it's up to us to do what we have to, to protect ourselves and others.
Well, I think you're doing the right thing. No point in staying in one place if you feel that time's passing and you have better things to do or places to see. It's your life after all, not theirs.