Ever given a person, family member or friend a suggestion, or even a recommendation, and it was taken offensively? How did you handle it? Case in point: Wife and I have seen SIL (wife's older sister) with her hair down a number of times and she looks very nice with it down and definitely younger than 79. When she has it rolled up (vertically) on the back of her head, she looks older than 79. She had it down on Christmas while visiting her one daughter, pictures she sent us, but for NYE, she had it up in back and a picture taken with her other daughter. We made a suggestion that she looked better with her hair down and she really got upset. Made a nice comment about the picture with her one daughter, but she stated "when will you say nice and positive things?" Well, wife and I did say the picture was nice! It was a suggestion and she took it very offensively. I done an IM to her saying "Ok, no more suggestions to you". Didn't hear from her, so guess she didn't like us saying that either. I mean, she could've simply said "Thanks, but I like it both down and up", but no, she had to go off of the deep end with the suggestion. I told my wife, from now on, when she calls, you're going to talk to her, not me. My wife said, "I'm not either". My wife isn't much of a "phone talker" anyway. Now, when either of us make a suggestion to each other, we never take it offensively. IOW, either we both agree on something or both of us disagree on something.
Nobody wants to reply to this post/thread? IOW, were we wrong for making a suggestion to SIL? It was just a suggestion!
Looking back , @Cody Fousnaugh , there are a lot of times that you have asked for suggestions here about your vehicle, about moving, about quite a few other things. Can you tell us some of the times that you agreed with the suggestions made to you, and were grateful , since you say that you and wife never take suggestions offensively or argue with the person trying to help you ?
Well, how a person/persons take a suggestion can definitely depend on the suggestion. Neither wife or I remember any good suggestions that have ever been given to us on this forum. Many people don’t like giving a suggestion, even a good/logical one, because of how it can be taken. Bottom line is, the SIL doesn’t like anyone telling her anything! My wife, and my wife’s brother, totally agree with me about their sister.
I don't know about family members, but it happens here a lot. I've learned not to give women tips on appearance, however.
I’m normally fairly quiet in mixed company ….however I made a suggestion to hubbies son D when he was getting married about 8 years ago , ………as a result I had strips ripped off me by his future In laws, saying very loudly …..it was none of MY business. ( I didn’t respond to D future FIL as he’d been drinking since 9 am that morning) a day I’ve got no time for drunks who start drinking as soon they get up . At the time I’d been married to hubby for 25 years and had known the son D all that time….. in fact almost 27 years. I’d never had a cross word with D I FELT … the right to suggest a fruit platter for anyone ( including my self ) who didn’t fancy or couldn’t eat the high fat / high calorie cakes/ pastries, D future in-laws we’re planning to have at the wedding. D had been dating / known his Mrs and future in-laws ….about 9 months at the time of the wedding plans were ALL being planned by her parents. D was just short of 38 years old at the time . I was swiftly told by D . future in-laws …..not to bother coming to the wedding,( I could just imagine the sort of abuse I would have received if I had attended) neither of us attended and have not spoken to them since that day.
An additional reply, from me to Yvonne's reply..........have you ever made a suggestion to someone and that someone didn't take it very good? I mean, anyone not on this forum. Like I've already stated, all the SIL would've had to say is, "thanks for the suggestion, but I like to wear my hair both down and up in the back." But, instead of saying that, she pretty much slapped us both in the face by saying, "can't you say anything nice and positive?" We did tell her the picture was nice, so we did say something "nice", but she wanted to criticize both of us anyway. Her brother (my wife's brother) told me, "that's why I only talk to her, and it's a very short talk, only a few times a year".
Seems your SIL and I are of the same mind. I’ve asked you numerous times to write something positive and that hasn’t happened yet. That said and to agree with @Ken Anderson, a man should NEVER ….EVER opine anything having to do with a woman’s looks to her face unless it is totally positive. Even talking about a woman’s looks to another woman is dangerous. Even if a woman asks her husband if a dress makes her butt look too big, the answer should be something akin to, “it looks just right to me”. Note: Big butts are in nowadays so it might be prudent if hubby first asks her if she wants her butt to look big before giving the definitive side step. The probability that you have now made a full blown enemy for the rest of your life is probable. The ONLY exception to that rule is when a woman pays heavily to be insulted by someone in the business of making women look better.
I'm not saying this is the case with your sister-in-law, but there are people who you just can't please no matter what. They seem to go around looking for something wrong with everybody. One by one, they rule them out. If they can't find anything, they look for ways to misinterpret what you say to be negative.
Well, Bobby, just like the old thread about wearing a cowboy hat during Cowboy Church............you are wrong! And, Ken even provided a YouTube video showing men wearing their hats during Cowboy Church, including the Pastor. Guess you don't remember any "positive" replies I've made, huh? I know, with age our memory can get shorter and shorter (just a fact). When a person, man or woman, is told they look better this way or that, it should be understood, not the way she took it. As far as a "full blown enemy", that would have to go with myself, my wife (her sister) and her brother. Because we ALL think the same way about the SIL/sister. Advising a person about something can be good or bad, depending on the persons personality.
And, even though wife and I did say "nice picture" to her in IM, she still took the suggestion badly. My wife, and her brother, have told me numerous times, "just don't talk to her!"
The only thing positive you have ever written is about yourself and your wife. And so far as a person’s personality goes, you should already know everything you need to know about your SIL and how she would take things but yet you did what you did anyway.
So, Mr. Bobby, you take a suggestion as an insult? Boy, hope nobody ever suggests something to you! So, now do I put you on “Ignore”? LOL