Perhaps picky little stuff, things that bug you, maybe seating in crowded places and would you offer your seat up without hesitation, opening doors for others, how about the handshake, firm or limp, and the list goes on.. Also things you really like to see that seem positive etiquette to you, and good manners to you. OR perhaps I should take a nap and not even post this topic? Just being silly... So serious or lighthearted topic then...
I don’t know where to start, when comes to some people not having manners. I was taught manners growing up and I still use them but people try my patience at times. If I am the one reaching the door first to go in or out of a business and there is a person behind me, I hold the door for them. Do they say thank you? No. If I am following someone in or out, do they hold the door for me? No. They let it shut in my face. I always say thank you IF someone holds a door open for me. How hard is it to say please, thank you, your welcome, excuse me? No one seems to send thank you cards for weddings, showers, birthdays, or any other functions that a gift is given. I would settle for an email or text message in this day and age, but I don’t receive that neither. There doesn’t seem to be any common courtesy anymore. Maybe I expect too much. I’ll stop here or it could turn into a rant.
It seems the more crowded places get, the less time (or tolerance) there is for the niceties. I left a county of 2,000,000 people and moved to one of 35,000 people. Folks here still have their manners, but I can feel it growing just as that large county had in the 45 years I lived there. I open the door for others. I hand someone my shopping cart at ALDI with the quarter still in it, or give grocery bags to those who got caught surprised by the rules. It's a matter of decent human behaviour, and of setting the example they may carry forward. Not only will the other person be "given permission" to do the same to others, they may wish to pass on the good vibes, so to speak. When I lived outside of DC, I've risen to give my seat to a lady on the subway and had a man try to take it. Some people are disgusting. The one thing that does bother me, and it seems to be wide-spread, is this aversion to being an adult. A child or a teenager calls someone "Mister Jones," and the response is "That's my father's name, call me Bob." For some reason, that irks me. I always introduce myself as Mister Brunner to younger (roughly under 20) folks. I am not their peer...I am an adult. And they need an [imperfect] example of being an adult. They need something to look forward to as they mature. They cannot be told that they have already hit peak maturity at 15 because all of the older folks they are surrounded by want to act like them. There is should be a certain amount of stature for hitting a certain age, and like so much else, this has been turned on it's head in this nation specifically because it is "good," "right" and "normal." It's both a cultural thing and, adult-to-youth, is a violation of boundaries.
Anthropologically speaking, the elders were important because they carried the knowledge of culture, tradition, how to do things to survive. I know I feel that I don't know anything required by the culture of today. It is not that I can't learn. I sent a video of my silkie chicken with my phone yesterday. But I don't want to because I have always had the feeling it will be used against the people. The young maybe feel we are not needed? Won't they be surprised to learn no one knows how to fix wiring in a house or fix plumbing because those skills are beneath them. I find satisfaction learning the primitive skills I enjoy. And if the power goes out, I know how to build a fire and purify water. Lots of grownups don't know those. (They have electric gas grills, for pete's sake) Then they will call us Mr and Mrs but maybe we will BE dead weight by then.
Diminishing the respect for learned adults is part of the plan. We are supposed to loathe the natural process of aging (and by extensions, ourselves) so much that we will self-impose arrested development and spend our last dollar on products that claim the process can be slowed. "Don't trust anyone over 30" also breaks the link between generations, leaving a void for others to fill. And it gives us leaders like Greta Thunberg. The logical endpoint is the inauguration of President Zygote. Regarding self-sufficiency...I was talking to a friend about this the other day. When things fall apart, the pecking order will be: 1-The welfare class and the infirmed (in all its connotations.) 2-Those with the [literal] trappings of wealth. That includes most of America's modern middle class. 3-Those of us who rely on the infrastructure for convenience, but maintain a degree of self-sufficiency. 4-The self-sufficient impoverished (like many in our rural regions.) The collapse of society will merely pick at their fringes.
^^^^Aaaannnnndddddd I just drug us off-topic at Post #5.^^^^ How about parking lot behaviour? How about people speeding up when the light's yellow? They want to get "the spot" or catch "the light," as though it's the only one. It's a spot and a light. There are plenty of other spots and lights. To further my "congested regions breed rudeness" position...I moved to an area so rural that I only encounter 2 stop signs in the 16 mile drive to my bank, and may only see a couple of cars. My patience o the road has become infinite. When I get behind someone doing 45 in a 55 (nearly all the roads here are 55mph), I usually don't sweat it...they're just getting from Point A to Point B as safely as they can. Conversely, on those rare occasions I drive back to the DC area, I do as the Romans [gladiators] do. I am hyper-aggressive. I hug the bumper of the car in front of me, giving no quarter. The behaviour that is de rigueur in DC is rare (and offensive) here.
I drove to the airport to pick someone up yesterday. I was kind of miffed that I had left too early but traffic was bad. Instead of my usual tension, I sat back and drove calmly. It was amazing!
When I lived in California, I was going into a store just a step ahead of a young woman, so I held the door for her, as I would have done for anyone - male, female, old, young - and she snapped, "I can manage my own doors, thank you." The alternative would have been to let it slam in her face. I grew up in the country, mostly around people I was related to, so perhaps my experiences differed from others my age. We were taught to respect our elders, to an extent, but not to the point of phony salutations, and we weren't expected to agree with them just because they were older. Some adults, including some of my teachers, preferred to be called by their first names, and, in that case, there was no requirement to do otherwise. I addressed some of my uncles and aunts by their first names alone, or, in some cases, even a nickname, but these were mostly the ones who were only about ten to fifteen years older than I was.
I like the subject Janine. Like you said, 'it's a positive subject. I have been away from society so long now I may have forgotten the social graces.
I am thinking just now about those friends/family who like to drop in unannounced. Now, sometimes that is fine, and just depends, but for myself, I don't prefer drop in company. I like a heads up first or knowing they are choosing to stop by. Yeah, I am a stickler on that a bit..
It amazes me to see people my age, who I know grew up being coached in etiquette and good manners, just as I was, being ill mannered today. Is this rubbing off of the younger generation?
It may have been a sarcastic “thank you” but it was still a thank you. Many are the times when I have held the door open for people and they walk by as if holding the door was my job. Come to think about it, even if it was my job I would expect some kind of acknowledgement. Sometimes, just to fill in the social blanks, I’ll smile and say “you’re welcome” especially when someone doesn’t say thank you. Hard to believe the number of nasty looks I get when I do that.