The Raccoons

Dear @Von Jones It is heartbreaking that I have to share this info with you. I apologize for not doing it sooner but I was admiring your warrioress and defensive moves as well as your offensive moves. I commend you on all of them. Your strategy while of the utmost admiration, overlooked the important traits of the opponent.

Raccoons can dig, crawl, squeeze, jump, leap, swing, swim, climb, roll, stand on two legs, do summersaults, dive, and all while churring info to the rest of the gang following.

After studyong your photos, I see several problems. Your fence needs to be straightened up, made sturdy, and lined for the entire length with chicken wire. Hardware cloth is best but spendy. Bury the wire one foot deep. Now as for the top, it will require a slant-out section with barbed razor wire. A visit to a prison will help you design this deterrent. You might even have to electrify every other strand and ground the other strands.

However even with all that, as long as you have nearby trees and overhanging branches, all that work is in vain. Unless the neighbors will allow you to cut their trees, you are defeated. Now don't be upset with me because I am suggesting that you are defeated, but rather excited because I offer a workable solution from my own personal experience.

The solution

Use your best asset, that of being a sweet charming lady. The raccoons have grown to admire your cleverness and DIY skills, but they will always outsmart you. Make friends with the raccoons. Learn the language of the raccoons. Connect with your native Indian ancestry and learn the difference in their churs. Racoon isn't difficult. The same chur once done sweetly, now done angrily is considered cursing by raccoons, so keep your voice moderate, and stern, but kind showing a willingness to work with them. It is a negotiation.

Years ago, after a losing battle with the crows of many years, I changed my ways. They were thrown off guard by my new sweet tone of voice and nonaggressive moves and an open invitation to just take over my yard but in trade, they would stop the incessant cawing all evening when I was trying to sleep. It took about one week of sweet talking and calling them "pretty birds" with soft sweet soothing cawing. I still have a yard full of crows, but they are more respectful and keep their beaks zipped in my presence and at my bedtime. No more vulgar fowl language around here.

I am not sure what kind of thing you might negotiate with them, but you will have several months to plan your new approach. Yes, you will need a plan you intend to enforce if they break their part of the agreement. I still think chur-activated electric wiring on the top of the fence might be necessary. They could cross safely as long as they didn't disturb the peace. Here is a simple American Indian song you can learn and your grandkids can do the chorus. The raccoons will be impressed.

Chu la - la de da
Chu la - la de da
Chu la - la de da

Chu la de da

The Raccoon Song - sung by Lawrence Laughing - YouTube

 

Yes I know and trees too. The method to my madness is to make it as difficult for them as I can with hopes they would go somewhere else. When I hear the sounds of defeat because they are unable to get through it has been worth it.

 

I am going to be humming that tune to infinity and I'm sure my granddaughters will love it.

 

When I was missing in action this is the project I was working on - cutting down the trees along the fence line in the backyard of the vacant house. I just used a handsaw to get it done. It took two days to clear away branches that were close to the fence. Cutting them down was hard but the hardest was pulling them down and away from the fence. It was hot and I was sweaty and dirty.




I had a thought to pull those wood planks and toss them over the fence. I may still do that. Wood prices are high these days. I debated on knocking down that chicken pen.



This spot is where the raccoons used to climb over the most.



The top of this tree touches the branches of my mulberry tree. I would need to use the chainsaw and have someone to pull it away from the house so not to break any of the windows. Still thinking on this.

 

I think a small battery chainsaw would be a good investment for you.

 

Too funny not to share.

My neighbor came over to borrow something and shared this experience with me.

Yesterday, Monday, was waste collection day. She said she was in the alley around 6am when the truck came. There were three workers gathering containers and when they reached for this one containers in back of her house and opened the lid raccoons started climbing out of it, lol. She said they hurried away shouting all kinds of expletives from what seemingly was a whole family inside.

I appreciated her telling me because I was wondering if the raccoons had relocated since the weather has been nice lately. Now I know.

 

Public service and maybe they might bring it to the attention of the City which would be great. My calls to them didn't do any good.

 

@John Brunner usually concerns like this are addressed at the City's Commission meetings. I've mentioned this on Nextdoor when the raccoons first invaded my carriage house and all I read was the love for raccoons or we have taken over their homes or let them be. Ugh it was sickening. Only one or two comments that agreed with me.

 

It is a sad world when some humans have more concern for wild animals than they do humans. There are plenty of rural places for racoons to live but they like urban areas because they get coddled and have no fear of being killed. I once had that problem, but got it resolved once and for all.

10 years ago in an undisclosed location, on the edge of town, west of the Mississippi.

Zek: "Good morning Faye! There is a dead raccoon in your back yard by the fence?"

Faye: "Really?"

Zek: "Yes really and it is all bloody and appears to have been shot."

Faye: "Did you hear a gun shot?"

Zek: "No did you? What a waste of a good fur!"

Faye: "Yes, but it was muffled like a .22 with a foam silencer on the barrel and probably a hollow point bullet. Do you want me to skin it and make you a cap?"

Zek: "Think that one out, Faye! A black man wearing a coon skin hat in a light skinned racoon loving neighborhood and the neighborhood racoon has gone missing. Not one of your better ideas Faye. Our PETA neighbor to the west feeds that racoon."

Faye: "Correction; she fed hahaha. Well, as luck would have it, it dies in my backyard."

Zek: "Well, I just dug a hole yesterday to plant an apricot tree so throw it over the fence and I will see that it disappears."

Faye: "Have you seen that nuisance opossum lately, Zek?"

Zek: "No, but about the time it disappeared so did my stash of sweet potatoes."

Faye: "Alrighty then."

 

Well, I have to share another raccoon fiasco.

My mission the other night was to check on the batteries in the motion detector lights that I had strategically placed where the raccoons come and go. It was dark but it wasn't late with flashlight in one hand and my BB 45 Magnum in the other I headed out. Two were working so off to the third. As I walked pass Sculpty the motion light lit up. Hmmm, I'm behind it so... that must mean and yes, there it was climbing up a tree outside of the fence. I was startled as I saw those glowing beady eyes just staring at me. I forgot about the Magnum and just stood there (I'm laughing right now). I don't know what overcame me. I don't think the raccoon saw me because I was behind the light which was very bright and my flashlight was down at my side so basically I was in the dark. Well, the raccoon descended down the tree and the light shut off. All I could think as I was walking back toward the house was, 'I don't believe I didn't use the Magnum.' Darn it!

 

I thought the raccoon problem had been solved as I haven't seen a post about it for a while. Good luck @Von Jones