I went through one stretch of about 8 years living alone. I don’t remember very many specifics but I have a general sense of being pleased with that time by myself.
Socially we are tribal critters. To me, having each couple living in their own structure on their own property and getting their Life Needs (food, transportation, medical care, housing repairs) met through the marketplace is only slightly less removed from the interdependent way we are meant to survive/thrive than someone on their own is. On the other hand, this distance just may keep violence at minimal levels
I think I could again live on my own, but there are a lot of things I can no longer do, so it would be tough. I was always told that women dealt with isolation better than men, but my experience with homesteaders here contradicts that. Women always seem to need social interaction, but men do not. I have known of men who lived in polyethylene tents, and I knew of one man who lived on the Yukon River for 8 years with only his Bible. Both men became crazy, but they survived fine and could have lived that way for years longer. Personally, I hope I never have to face that though, as I am nutty enough already.
I am pretty much a loner and can do fine without much interaction with people. I get as much as I need from my husband, forums such as this one, and of course I keep in touch with our kids, extended family, and some friends. I don't believe that "Aging Alone" necessarily means that a person has zero contact with other people. For instance, Lon Tanner was "aging alone," even though he lived in an assisted living facility. He was a widower and had no significant other, which is the point of this particular thread. Aging alone does not necessarily equate with living in isolation.
Beth said...."Aging alone does not necessarily equate with living in isolation" .....and that sums up my thoughts far better than I did previously here, that said loosing your partner of several decades can (an does) leave one desperate for 'company' despite having family and friends around you on a fairly regular basis. That special understanding developed over years of good times and bad is all but impossible to replace, the increasing rarity of such relationships in our society would seem to reinforce that difficulty.
Sadly, that is the case for a lot of people... I believe more often men than women. If something were to happen to my husband I would rather live alone than to try to learn a new relationship at this point in my life. I enjoy solitude and my own company. We are all unique in this regard.
That's been my anecdotal experience. While I don't think I'm particularly antisocial, I don't go out of my way to visit with people, even with people I like. I rarely answer my phone and less often make phone calls. When I was working, it was necessary to interact with other people and be social, in some respects, even more so when I was working in EMS or teaching at the college. I can function socially, and I often enjoyed doing that. However, I don't reach out to people for the sole purpose of making social contact, unless you count the forum, but this is something I've done almost since I got my first computer. Even before the Internet, I operated a BBS. In recent years, I haven't socialized much with people around here. When I come across someone I know, I'll do the conversation thing, and people will join me sometimes if I'm in a local restaurant. But we don't have a lot of restaurants here anymore, so I rarely eat in local restaurants. My wife, on the other hand, is on her phone constantly, and running out to one person's house or another, sometimes even bringing people home with her. I don't think she would do well living alone at all. I hope not to have to live alone, but I wouldn't go out of my mind, particularly not as long as I had computers, Kindles, books, and Internet access; and cats, of course. I would sorely miss my wife, however.
Living alone and being lonely are different things. I have lived alone most of my adult life, but I have never been lonely. I know many that live with others that are lonely. Since the topic is aging alone, I submit we all age alone since others can't age for us. Referring back to the OP. I think the increase in aging without a partner, is because of medical advances and other senior services. It used to be if one died in a longtime relationship, the other just gave up. I think it was more common with men not to last as long after the death of a wife, because they didn't eat right and observe other health concerns. Now with meals on wheels, senior services, and assisted living, the men are carrying on, minus the nagging hahaha!
Wait! Wait! I always heard that single aged men are rare and sought after. We just have to come up with the right way to get you 'out there'.
I'm much as @Ken Anderson is. Even though I was always an"internal support" guy, marketing departments knew they could always count on me to help them at our trade show booth. I enjoy socializing on that level, but mostly if the subject is work or business or careers, or is centered around an event. There is a small sub shop here with limited seating, and if people walk in and I'm at a table by myself, I'll invite them to join me rather than them standing around until someone leaves. It's an interesting contradiction, since in my personal life I really like my alone time. I have never dated "just to be with someone," or have people around as the functional equivalent of the tv playing in the background. In the right context, other people can be invigorating. In the wrong context, they can be very tiring. I'll get 'out there.' But when I am, just leave me be.
my husband died 3 months ago... we spent all our time together.. daily tasks...large projects...hard labor... since it's just me and peaches our last little dog left... i must buck up ..see it thru.. few other critters around here i take care of...feral cats ..birds and squirrel feeders... small fish pond... all winter ready ...it takes work to do it all... my daughter and her husband help me if I ask.. i go do grocery pick up once a week.. peaches can't be left alone..she'd be dead from anxiety attack when i got back... i notice that i am more fearful of these frigid weather events.. i spend most days ..just me and peaches
Oh Teresa...so sorry to hear about your husband. Just hold on as your life unfolds. Peaches will be a wonderful gift for the time being. Maybe in the spring you can make some decisions. (Been there, done that.) I have a few around me but the frigid winter weather still makes me apprehensive.
I reach out to those I cant be around for various reasons.. distance for sure. A text or call "on how you doing " can be uplifting to many,especially those who have lost a spouse.
When I lost my wife almost 4 years ago now my dog who had never been allowed on the bed and only rarely even in the bedroom decided that daddy needed comfort and took over Judys spot. She did that every night from then on until she was unable to make the leap up and just slept alongside the bed, sadly I recently also lost her. I am sure Peaches will be a great comfort Teresa …......
I am similar. Social contact does nothing for me. My wife goes out to lunch with a few people she knows a few times per month, seems like she needs that contact honestly. I’m the opposite. I believe the last time I initiated contact with someone for a social outing was when I was still in college. I maintain contact by email/text with two people I’ve known from years past but I’ve not physically seen one for years and the other for decades. I have my wife and the cats, that’s it, and it’s really the only important contacts I have.