In hindsight, I now know that my chances of diverting disaster could have been improved. First we'd have to discuss whether to discuss the information I wanted to share and discuss. Then maybe waffle about the pros and cons of sharing such information first, much less discuss it. No, I had the audacity to go ahead and start providing this information "out of context." So it was clearly meant as part of a conversation with some mythical "other woman" I was sharing retirement plans with. Or some damned thing.
Oh ya think? It gets better. That single photo? It was sent via a secure messenger with an auto-delete of an hour. When the big blowup happened part of her nasties (things like my health, divorce 30 years before, fact that I'd probably die before her anyway, and on and on) was "Delete my picture. Thank you." Presuming that I had saved it before it evaporated in one hour.
So soap opera fans? How does this one stack up so far? Advice? Crawl in a hole and stay away from civilized people?
Paranoid, wealthy, lawyer? I'd bet my ass I've been background checked deeper than a colonoscopy. If I looked and saw a van parked up the road a bit for the last week taking photos of my comings and goings and monitoring microphones placed in my house and my phones... would I be surprised? Nah.
The sad part is that wouldn't be an issue at this point. Sure, egad! But it was never about any of that. Maybe there is a positive lesson here for single gals who feel they can't attract guys. If you can engage them in anonymous conversation and develop a strong enough bond over time there is less of a risk in opening up. But do it before you get too invested. You owe yourself that. If your photo is going to send him running don't wait until that is going to hurt you very deeply too.
Good grief. I think "relationships" are a lot harder than they used to be, especially with a drama queen. At this time of life I wouldn't bother; I have no patience with mini-dramas. Thankfully I have a great husband and I'm planning to die first. Carry on.
That's pretty much why I was just staying home and not looking for or expecting anything at all ever again. The comment on that was "My friend agrees, no man could remain celibate let alone not date at all for 20 years!" So I guess that was one more "lie" that I was "caught in." More "proof" of my dishonesty. Good luck, Beth... and great job! I envy you.
Here's how I am. If someone accuses me of being dishonest, they have seen/heard the last of me. Buh-bye. Who needs that?
TOTALLY ! ! I so much agree with you, @Beth Gallagher . I went through so much of this with my first husband (over 20 years ) of living with a person who was completely paranoid, and didn’t trust anyone or believe anyone (except for people trying to scam him…… he believed every single one of those people ). Nothing I ever did or said was beyond suspicion, and I hid rather than answer my doorbell just so I didn’t have to explain that i spoke to another human being when he was not there, and face the violence that would follow when I denied doing anything wrong. Never again ! Yes, I loved him, but life was from one drama to the next one, and at the end of it, I was an empty, broken person, (maybe not even a person anymore ?) Anyway, that kind of life makes a person super happy to have someone who is not paranoid, who trusts me, and I trust him. This is the life I have always wished would happen, and thought it never could.
You have to ask yourself two questions: If this "relationship" progresses, would you be willing to move to her area? Or would she be willing to move to yours? If either answer is "no", then there's no reason to continue the long-distance courting. It's not going to work out....UNLESS all you want is a long-distance relationship. In that case, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead, 'cause that's all you're gonna get.
Well this evening we had another 3 hour phone call. Much calmer, very pleasant, and we discussed a range of normal couple's topics. I even finally got a "well, maybe" that she was wrong about the pivotal issue I already described at depth above. While this makes her wrong in her judgement it makes me both honest and faithful, two wins for her as well as for me. I'm hoping we continue making progress. Because of some random light discussion about movies and TV we found more common ground, but I also found an opportunity to force another issue. The dreaded "politics" talk. As it happens our positions are not 100% aligned but are still highly compatible. We even voted the same way in the last 3 Presidential Elections. I'm not a hard-ass on this topic, but such good alignment is exhilarating. I think we have a framework for more detailed discussions as they arise. Being able to talk to someone else is a way to learn another viewpoint and talk/think through your own. This came up tonight. She already realizes that she doesn't want to risk growing older where she lives now. The place is too big and two stories. A smaller ranch or something on one level is more practical as one ages. She even used the word "marriage" in a joking way that suggested that she might be open to the possibility at some point. I asked explicitly to be sure I wasn't projecting something she didn't actually feel. I'm not attached to my hovel and my troublesome "retirement planning" 3-part story already involved moving. So there is much more to explore there, but one way or the other we'd probably either live together or practically next door to each other. We're old, dammit, and we now both realize we need mutual support. Neither of us have kids within a 30 minute drive right now, much less anyone to assist or call for help in the event of a bad slip and fall on wet tile or something.
Nothing like that is going to happen at a rapid pace. It is probably at least 2 years down the road if ever. If we ever raised the point, the kids on both sides would probably have us abducted for serious head examination immediately.