I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but then I turned myself around. I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness. I've started investing in stocks: beef, vegetable, chicken. One day I hope to be a bouillianaire.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. Now I have Heinzsight. Did you know muffins spelled backwards is what you do when you take them out of the oven? Scientifically, a raven has 17 primary wing feathers, the big ones at the end of the wing are called pinion feathers. A crow has 16. So, the difference between a raven and a crow is only a matter of a pinion. I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes. I turned to a local tribal leader and said, "That lizard is really funny!" The leader replied, "That's not a lizard. He's a stand-up chameleon." I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I thought I nailed it, but nobody saw it.
An elderly man in Louisiana owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. Before he went, he grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he got closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said…. I’m here to feed the alligator! Some old men can still think fast.