Family Members That Don't Get Along

My 1/2 brother and I don't necessarily get along. Very different lifestyles, etc.. He is five years older than me. Whenever I talk to his wife, she acts so naïve to certain things I say. They are both highly Christian and talk that way at times. Even their "phone message taking greeting" is that way. Wife and I are also Christians, but them.........

My BIL doesn't really want anything to do with the rest of the family anymore. After my MIL died, he seemed to have "fallen off of the earth" towards the family. He will talk to my wife and I on the phone, but doesn't like talking to my wife's one sister (his sister). He says that she is too "wishy/washy" when she talks to him. She can be that way with me as well, but I still talk to her. He hasn't talked to his other sister, who takes a monthly med and was diagnosed with Schizophrenia years ago, for at least 8 years now. My wife, her other sister, doesn't keep in contact with her much.

My wife gets upset with her brother because he doesn't want to take a vacation from work and see her and I..........and we live in the same state, just hours apart. He doesn't even want us to come to where he lives and see him. The only time he will call us is after we call him and leave a message to call us, however, he will call me on Veterans Day.

Funny thing is, when I first met my wife, she was making plans on moving out of her mom's apartment and to another state. She hadn't mentioned this to any of the family in fear of what they might think/say. She acted so happy when I recommended that we move to Colorado and had no problem telling the family that. They were somewhat shocked, but handled the announcement very well.

Is your family anything like this?

 

I have no family now - it took over 40 years for me to realise we were 'never' going to be a family unit, as families should be
Tried so hard over the years, but it was fruitless - so I walked away, never to return
Family should be 'everything' but mine were 'empty' - void of love and compassion, very materialistic

 

Actually, my wife's family was much, much closer than my family was. My family was close when I moved in with step-parents in the 8th grade. Got along great with cousins, Aunts/Uncles, grandparents (all from my step-parents side).

My wife's family was close, when we lived there and her mom was still alive. Had great holiday times together. I was/am so glad to have been a part of her family during those times.

Her mom was still alive when we lived south of Denver, CO. During those 5 years, we would fly to Las Vegas during the December National Finals Rodeo and her family in So California would drive in. A couple of times, her brother flew in from Miami for a few days. It was a nice get-together.

Today, the money isn't there like it use to be and we now live in northeastern Florida.

 

@Cody Fousnaugh - that's good Cody
I managed to find good foster parents and they were everything a family should be, I was lucky to find them, even though my time with them was too short ................

 

My family is quite disconnected. I mean it is an effort to stay in contact with them. My sister emails frequently...and they send cards and what not. we see each other ocasionally.but I swear the entire gang is telephonically challenged. My son is the same way. To be honest, I resent having to contact these people all the time even if they are family!

 

My Family (siblings, etc.) got together much more often when our Mother was still alive. When she passed away over nine years ago before she died she gathered us all together and asked us to stay close to each other after she was gone. And although we try to do that, out of my eight siblings only two still live in Louisiana along with me. I have siblings in Florida, Georgia, and even Oregon now. Getting us all together at the same time is not easy but every year on the Saturday before Easter we get together with our kids and their families, etc. and have a celebration of Moma's life with each other. We boil crawfish and vegetables and have hot dogs for the young ones with plenty of desserts, etc. We started doing this two years after our Mom died. It is the one time of the year we all are together. Other Holidays are for our children and grandchildren. My sisters (I have 5 of them, and 3 brothers) and I do our best to spend some time in Florida together every year too. We used to rent a Condo..but now that 3 of them live in Florida, the ones that don't live over there stay with the ones that do...and we do fun things together and go to the beach alot. Personally I don't care to talk on the phone that much, so I email and send cards, etc. to my siblings to keep in touch, and we also keep in touch on Facebook and sometimes Skype. I don't always see eye to eye with my siblings and we all are very different...but we are Family and we do our best to always remember that is the most important thing. Our Dad and Mom have both passed on but the legacy of love and family closeness they passed on to us we continue to share with one another and to do our best to pass on to our children and grandchildren. This doesn't just happen, it has to be worked at and time has to be put into it by all too. But to us it is worth it. I know we are blessed that we all do want to work at keeping our family closeness...some people don't because they find they have more differences than things they share in common as they grow up and have their own families. We certainly have our share of differences too, but we don't dwell on those things..instead we look for the things we have in common and one of the biggest things is our promises to our Mom to stay close as a Family. It is so worth keeping this promise. We have gotten mad at each other and even had short seasons of not talking to each other...but we are not willing to stay mad...the cost to us would be to high.

We did have one sister-in-law that for some reason always liked to "stir the pot" and try to cause trouble between our family members, she really tried her best to do this during my Mom's funeral, etc. which was a big No No to all of us. Two years ago my brother divorced her so this isn't a problem anymore. I did not like her very much because she so enjoyed trying to cause trouble in the family, but I never wished divorce for them. Having been through divorce myself that is something I wish on no one.

 

This thread is similar to the situation of my husband with his siblings. When their parents died, the 3 siblings in America seemed to have drifted away from my husband. There was actually a sort of argument when my father-in-law was in the hospital, waiting to die. And the issue is the usual.... money. Their father is supposed to have lots of money from the proceeds of the sale of their ancestral home which was just 2 years ago before their father died. So how come there is no money for the hospital? And we know that my father-in-law is a war veteran and has an SSS pension, more likely he doesn't need to spend for the hospital.

But amid the bickering of my in-laws, my husband remained calm and mum. He didn't reply to the emails because there is nothing they can do about their father, reasoned my husband. What he just wanted is for someone to explain why their father has no money. What happened. It's a complicated matter but it boils down to the fact that my husband's 3 siblings have all benefited from their father's money which was 3 million pesos (around $70k).

 

I had a brother who died from Pneumonia at 5 weeks of age, my only other sibling, sister, was born 12 years before I was. She had 5 kids, the first after marrying a recently discharged from the Navy, Sailor, in 1946. My first nephew, Dan, was born to them in '47. They divorced shortly after. While my sister worked daily, my Mother took care of both my nephew, and I. Thus, we were like brothers. Remarried in 1950, my sister went on to have a second son, my younger nephew Mike, then three girls born a number of years later.

My sister's 2nd. husband despised me, but never showed that side to me: I learned of it from the nephews. All the kids were "ordered" to have nothing to do with their uncle (me). Over the years, Dan and Mike both have kept close to me. The last time I saw my 3 nieces was at their mother's funeral in 1995. I have not heard a peep from any of them since. The family was always highly dysfunctional in a number of ways. Alcoholism played a part in that in the case of both my sister and brother in law, who physically and verbally abused her all her life, verbally abusing (only) the kids as well. He did faithfully trudge off to work everyday as a truck-driver, a fact his own mother threw back at us when we questioned his drinking causing erratic behavior.

Dan joined the Marine Corps. out of high school, and came home on leave an entirely different young man: the belligerence was gone! His step-father many times over the years berated his brother Mike for not "going in the service, like a BUM!" Dan's own son, Danny, is currently in the Marine Corps., he is about 30, and for some unexplainable reason, he and I, me being his great-uncle, are the two closest family members today to each other.

Frank

 

I get along well with everyone in my family. Only person that I didn't get along with...my dad, died in 1997.
My grandparents are gone and my mom just died June 4th.

I'm the oldest now, have 3 siblings. All have children. I'm the only widow now also. There have been no divorces or step children in my family so far. Everybody is an original member. We are spread out and in all time zones of the US, not counting Alaska and Hawaii.

Even though there is quite a spread in years with my 2 younger sisters, we are closer now than as children. Mainly because they were young when I left the house. Our ages are 65, 55, and 50. I was close growing up to my brother who is a year younger than me. We aren't so close now but we talk occasionally.

I have never had a fight with anyone in my family and that includes my children. No cross words, nothing.

I guess I should be thankful for my family and I am.

 

@Chrissy Page

Definitely much more cohesive than mine was. It is good to hear of good. When thinking back, the unusual way in which my own family traversed life, was similar in much of the rest of my relatives, my parents' siblings as well as their aunts and uncles. Not alcoholism, but rather difficulties revolving about money.
Frank

 

Of the three of us girls, I'm the one that keeps the peace or should I say keep 'my' peace. My sisters, older and younger than me, have always butted heads to this day. Of course they would get mad at me too because I was the naive one.

I guess you could say that I am the 'glue' that keeps us together since Mom's gone. When she was here Mom would call and tell me what's going on and we would just chuckle about it. I do miss those chuckles we shared.

 

@Von Jones My wife's position very similarly. Middle sister of three, their Mom still alive and active at 90, only my wife pays adequate attention to her, though the other two sisters live almost within "spittin' distance" from their Mother, and we are 2000 miles away.
Frank

 

Some wonder why that is. My thoughts are siblings subconsciously make up their minds at an early age who will be the more responsible sibling. Kind of like the commercial, 'Let's get Mikey. He eats everything.'

 

I have had family members that I have not gotten along with. Sometimes it was because they said hurtful things that take a long time to get over and sometimes it was because we were opposites of each other. I believe family should get along if at all possible. However, some family members treat their friends better than they treat their own brothers and sisters. I wished it were different, but we all have to make do with what we have.