On friendships... I would qualify as one of those who doesn't go out of his way to talk to people. It's not that I don't like people, or talking, but it's just not in my nature. Oh, I'll readily talk to people I know well. My wife is pretty much the opposite. She'll talk to anyone, any time. Still, I have good friends from other places that I have lived, who I am still in touch with. However, most people who I would consider friends drop off after a move, or after the activity that brought us together to begin with is no longer in play. It's been seventeen years since I've been in Texas but I made some good friends during my time as a paramedic and paramedic instructor. Most of the friends that I have here in Maine are people who I met during a political fight we were engaged in here in Millinocket, or from the Ron Paul campaign. Most of those who I worked closely with during these times are no longer in touch, but there are some who were genuine. It's likely that I have retained more of the enemies that I made during our local political fight than friends, though. On smoking... Although I smoked for a few years, beginning in high school, I am hardwired to look down on people who smoke. Of course, that doesn't mean that I can't get past that, or that I could never be friends with a smoker, but my first impulse is a negative. My wife smoked when we met, but not around me, and she quit some time ago now. As I value freedom, I am discouraged with the current trend of making it practically illegal for people to smoke. I appreciated the fact that people could still smoke in restaurants in North Carolina when I moved there a few years back, but then they made that against the law shortly after. I don't like the smell of cigarette smoke, but I can tolerate it if it's not being blown into my face.
I personally would take a smoker or someone who swears over someone that drinks. I can't stand drunks. It wouldn't stop me from being friends with a social drinker though.
Years ago, some 35 that is, I wasn't nearly as outgoing as I am today. What changed me? Going to nightclubs and not having fun like others there. How could I expect to possibly meet a gal or even have a good time, being shy. Nightclubs and "shyness" just don't go together. Since I do look at the t-shirt or baseball cap someone is wearing, I may make a comment about it. Especially if it's a Star Wars t-shirt or military cap. Now, if the t-shirt has something on it relating to a black person being killed by cops, I don't say a word. Nope, no way. I've seen this type of t-shirt before and walk right on by. No looking back at the person or anything.........just continue shopping with my wife. A lot of family's with kids have friends, mainly due to the kids activities in school. I've just come to figure that many people are just afraid to meet new people and TALK. With the way crime is in most of the big cities, it's a wonder anyone living in, or near, a big city has any friends at all. When talking about friendship and swearing, my BIL (wife's brother), after he's had some Captain Morgan Spiced Rum, his words get that way when I'M talking to him on the phone. When he talks directly to his sister/my wife, he really, and I mean REALLY, watches his language. I've tolerated his language, but now that he's about to move in with that lady, and she insists that he don't swear, I won't hear it any more (if he calls us). Yes, being "picky" about friends can be a downfall for us, but we won't change.
I am the type that 'observes' others before breaking into a conversation with them. The reason is...I learn more sou them by watching them vs speaking to them. I mean I dont ignore anyone and I may say Hi ..or whatevet but nothing lengthy. We have freinds but distances apart has always kept us from being able to be together. But when there is and issue either us or they will come to our aid. As for smoking ..we both do but has never been issue with freinds who dont..You go outside or refrain from doing so ...plain and simple. We have found also that by not having coupled friends has been helpful....you do not become involved in the drama that create in their lives. Works for us
My wife's, what use to be "best friend", smokes and may still smoke. We don't get around them enough anymore to really know. When we would visit them or visa versa, she would go outside, on a patio, and have a cigarette. My wife would follow her. When I first met my wife, she was smoking quite a bit, but after being diagnosed with Lupus, I think she has slowed down or completely stopped. My wife's former husband, before me, smoked and drank quite a bit. My wife had to constantly have a prescription inhaler with her. After they divorced, she swore to herself that she'd never get involved with another man that smoked. Using "dip" (Skoal Smokeless Tobacco) really didn't bother her when I met her. I had smoked cigs before, but stopped when I got involved with rodeo......didn't want to drop a cigarette on my horse!. So, in 2005, I started to notice a "tingling" sensation inside my lower lip when I put a "pinch" of Skoal there. Just before my hip replacement that year, I stopped "dipping" the Skoal. Sure glad of that!
Another thing about smoking, even if a person does it outside with a friend present that doesn't smoke, the odor can stay with the clothes. If we rode with my wife's friend in her car, we could smell the scent of cigarettes in the car and see residue on the windows. Just like the smell of house pets, the smell of smoke can be in furniture. If a person smokes a lot, the smell of cigarettes can definitely be on their breath when talking to someone. Have definitely had that happen to me before. It's the same as drinking too much and the alcohol smell is on the breath.
@Cody Fousnaugh, I've noticed that you and your Misses like movies. Check and see if there is an online forum located in your general area for movie goers. About 9 months ago, my brother and his son joined such a group, and they meet up with several single and married movie buffs so that they can go to the movies in a group. It makes for a good evening out, and it's safer in this city. (Houston). They have found several theaters that will give them a discount if they go in groups, and then they will go to a Dennie's afterward to just have coffee and a gab fest. You never know, if there are no such group's in your area, maybe you could start one.
I don't consider myself to be very friendly and I don't really have any friends. I don't want to socialize much with anyone. If someone is friendly to me in public such as standing in a grocery line or something, I'll be friendly back. Seems many people are isolated more and our western society is really set up that way.