I've said this before but if I could take my older self back I would have left home the day I turned 18 and left Santa Cruz. I had no confidence at that age that I could do anything however.
If I could do it all over again, I'd take back when I hurt Ina...I'm so upset with myself right now. Think I need a little break from forums. I'm sooooooo sad.
@Chrissy Cross - understandable Chrissy But, mending was done and Ina was happy with that, everything was on a nice even keel Don't look back - be positive as you go forward x
Yes, she seemed happy lately...even decorating for Christmas, getting a kitty, had a nice birthday with her grandson. Got a beautiful egg from him for her collection. Believe it or not, when I read that, I looked at collectible eggs...I was thinking of surprising her with one just to say how sorry I was for my behavior. All I did was look though because I really didn't know what she would like or even if she was a serious collector anymore...I overthought it and then did nothing. She wouldn't have gotten in time anyway....
The thought was there Chrissy, we need to cling to the positive thought that she 'was' happy lately as sad as I am, I have that thought
I was really close to my dad and when he died when I was 12 years old that's when I started taking some detours in my life...I was basically "looking for my daddy's love...in all the wrong places" as I got older and missed his love and guidance in my life. I "skipped" some wonderful opportunties as far as good jobs, further schooling, etc. because I just could not stop searching for the "loss" I thought I could find again if I just looked hard and long enough. And I trusted to much, gave to much of myself and my love to guys that I shouldn't have given my trust to...or my love. This led to a whole lot of sorrow and pain and missed opportunities. Yet still I ended up with a son and 3 beautiful daughters, had other opportunities that I did take and enjoyed every minute of, have been blessed with so many wonderful grandchildren and a soul mate to end my earthly days with. I have come through all the detours still able to be "me" and that is the most wonderful part of it all.
@Babs Hunt You came to a fork in the road, and you took it. We've all done that. And looked back later considering whether there were alternatives offered, but it was too late then. Bottom line becomes, in the long run, overall scheme of things, you done good! Frank
I don't find myself dwelling on the past often either. But lately as I have been entering the twilight of my years...I do find myself looking back over my life almost as if I'm reading a book someone wrote about my life. And as I read the "pages" I see where I took the detours along the way and what might have been if I hadn't taken those detours. I can clearly see that everything I went through has helped shape the person I am today, which is someone I like and am at peace with. And I also see that I am exactly where I always wanted to be with my faith firm, a loving spouse, family, and living the life that is perfect for me. Did I miss anything along the roadways of my life...nothing that I need for sure.
@Babs Hunt I really like and admire your post! I myself have dwelt on the past for most of my adult life, so much so that others around me, familiar with my usual meanderings and perusals, have brought it to my attention many times. When they do, I take pause to think back, and always conclude, THEY'RE RIGHT! Why do I d it? Dunno, for certain. Perhaps dwelling on earlier times is a way to avoid owning up to the inevitable: my time is becoming more and more limited. I know it, we all know it, but I simply try to avoid considering that certain eventuality, by "living in the past". Immature? No doubt. Fear? To a certain extent. Fun? Yes, it is, to relive those wonderful moments as though they are recurring again! But the reality of the present always comes crashing back down upon me, and when that happens, I feel the worse for wear. My wife and I have discussed at length, just how either will handle that sudden, unexpected physical collapse, recalling her own father's sudden demise. At age 71, staying over at a motel in Cincinnati, her folks enroute to their grandson's marriage in Gatlinburg, her father fell to the floor in the bath suddenly, her mother was in the bedroom. She heard the impact, found him lying there dead. Of the three daughters, her mother called my wife, the "middle" one, first. I really liked her dad. Maybe even loved him, if that's possible of an in-law. He doggedly insisted on helping me while I was constructing our own home outside Phoenix, AZ. I never understood that. I was a robust man of 43 years, he was 60, and yet, when I "took a break" from work, he feigned indignance: "Get back to work". Here is the shack we built. The single, best, most involved project of my entire life, and also the most lucrative. My labor was "free". I hired out nothing but the septic system, poured 90,000 pounds of concrete mixed by hand, laid 12,500 red bricks. Building took 3 years. My wife & I lived in it 10 years. I saw, too late, I should have built several of them........
@Frank Sanoica, you have accomplished much in your life, and I see no reason for you to put that behind you. To some extent, when we are young, we are what we might accomplish during our lifetime. When we are in our thirties or forties, we are what we are accomplishing at the moment. And when we are old, we are what we have accomplished. While we certainly have a past, a present, and a future, at any stage in our lives, most of us probably have more behind us than we do ahead of us, and it's all part of who we are.