@Beth Gallagher I got it then, and I get it now. Two points: When she sleeps, the tables are turned. The other is, not fighting back might preclude any ability to do so at all, and then he sleeps unassailed. Frank
This is the case with many women. I stayed with an abusive husband simply because the alternative was to return to my abusive parents!. When you have no money and nowhere to go, sometimes staying put is the only option.
@Rosie Sinclair Understood! And agreed! As my abused sister was known to remark to our Mother when they were shopping together, about her abusive truck-driver husband: "Ma, maybe today's the day he drives the truck into a bridge!". Frank
I think this is the case for many women. Once your parents have already made you feel 'less than', then it's easy to get into a position to accept it from a spouse. There are shelters, but even then, there are so many other things to consider. Thanks for being brave enough to admit you went through it.
Very perceptive @Bess Barber. To be brutally honest that warm fuzzy feeling went rather quickly from our marriage. My wife is a modest person and not all that affectionate.. but we made a commitment to stay for my son's sake when the marriage got rocky. I have seen broken homes and the affects it has on the children. We did not want that for our boy.
@Craig Swanson I have heard references to this circumstance all my life. "Because of the kids". I have personally known some kids who grew up devastatingly badly, my 3 nieces among them, who absolutely would have fared better had their parents not stayed together. Works either way. But, what the hell do I know, I only finished raising two teens not my own..... Frank
One thing for absolutely sure, I would never/ever leave my wife. We have so much in common and a terrific love for each other. We also have Faith that the Lord will keep us together always.
Before we married we discussed it all.. Including menopause...everything! My words to him.. If I have to know where you are and what your doing constantly...I dont need you. What you do in your mind is up to you and God. You cheat...your mine...he asked .would you divorce me ? Um..your gonna wish I would. True story.
As to the OP's question... Maybe I'm too picky, but lying would do it. I'd like to think I'd never end up with someone like that, because I have a "no contact" rule with liars, but probably when I was very young I could have made that mistake. Just lucky I guess. The closest I ever came to such a situation was being stuck with a former boss, and contact was only a few hours a week. Even at that I started looking around for a different job, but thankfully that boss didn't last very long.
@Nancy Hart It would be most pleasurable to "outlast" a boss! It happened to me with a "sub-boss", a Junior Engineer who took it upon himself to assign work to me, a Technician. I didn't like it, and told our boss so. He had hired me based on my contention alone that I could successfully apply strain gages to cylinder head bolts; the whole lot of them, engineers and techs had attempted it, and failed. My first attempt worked. The job actually entailed nothing I hadn't really done before: soldering and securing very tiny parts and wires together. Our boss canned my nemesis. I was learning that ability can secure rewarding results in many ways. Frankl
We are one of those couples. My marriage has been a constant battle for supremacy for 38 years now. We are both from very volatile families, and it shows. I give ,she gives and things work out. We are linked somehow. I don't think either of us would do well on our own. Each of us has taken on a role,certain duties,and a position. We feel like a team of oxen, one pretty much useless without the other. We do things much differently from most couples we know. There is no such thing as hers or mine, there is ours..Neither of us has ever had a personal bank account of any kind, if money over a certain amount,(couple hundred dollars) is spent we have a discussion. No surprise vehicles boats or equipment shows up. I never said that I would work to support her as a stay at home wife, Conversely before we married, we discussed that we would both work to achieve our ends and neither would support the other The way we see it is that marriage is like a ship, if it goes down, you both are on it
Closing in on 58 years together I can't remember a time when we came to a situation where separating or divorce was considered. Just before getting married an older married 1st class by the name of Willie Gosset told me a story about two mules. The two mules were facing bales of hay. They were tied together with rope just long enough to keep each from eating the hay. They both turned to be side by side and were able to eat. He said in marriage pulling against the other didn't accomplish anything. Figuring out how to work together makes for a happy marriage. That story, the simple wisdom, & his name is something I've remembered going on 58 years now in our marriage.
I divorced my ex husband due to his Gambling addiction, and the lying. I We had very little money when we were married and we had a tiny tot to raise, and as soon as he got paid he'd gamble it away, and then lie through his teeth about where the money went. In fact the lying got so bad I couldn't rely on him telling me if it was raining outside Id have to look out of the window... and both of those were only the tip of the iceberg!!