Why Be Mean?

I am noticing a troublesome tendency among a small percentage of the members of this forum, including some who are otherwise a valuable part of the forum community, to be mean. Although much of it is disguised as a joke or displayed as a graphic, I can't help but think that you know that you're being mean.

As a member of the staff, it's hard for me to determine intent, at least not with any certainty, as there can be a fine line between good-natured kidding around and an attack. There are some here who I know that I can joke with, and you'll recognize it as a joke and not be offended, but there are others who I have learned that I can't do that with; so that I can accept that there may be times when something that was sincerely intended as a joke was taken as something else by the target.

However, what happens sometimes is that the target responds in anger, sometimes saying things that are clearly intended as an attack, putting themselves in danger of being banned, and that doesn't always seem fair. Some people don't handle attacks as well as others, and it doesn't matter to the target whether the attack is upfront or sneaky.

On the other hand, some people are always looking for something to be offended over, and view every disagreement as a personal attack.

In deciding what to do, I try to determine the intent. I don't know if I am always able to do so fairly or reasonably. Maybe I give some people the benefit of the doubt, but not others. I do try, though.

However, it would be a lot better if people didn't try to be mean. This is a senior forum. A big part of what we do here is talk about things that are of interest to ourselves. This does not mean that it's going to be of interest to everyone here, and it shouldn't have to be. If someone likes to talk about things that you're not interested in, or that bores or, for whatever reason, annoys you, why would it be so difficult to simply ignore the thread rather than feeling the need to let them know that you're not interested, making them feel as if the things that are important to them bore you, or are not worthy of being expressed here?

For God's sake, I talk about my cats and my compost pile, and there's no reason why anyone else should be interested in that, but I am and that's good enough for me - and not just because I am the administrator of the forum, but because I am a forum member. I'd like everyone to feel free to write about the things that interest them, and for anyone else who takes an interest in it to join in, but for them not to feel as if they are going to be attacked, openly or sneakily, for it.

There's a whole lot of stuff here that I'm not interested in. When I have the time, I will sometimes see if I can find anything of interest to me, particularly if a thread hasn't had very many replies, but it shouldn't matter if it's of interest to me.

You can't know whether your topic is going to be of interest to anyone else until you introduce it and, even then, a lack of response might just mean that the right people haven't been in the forum to see it, or maybe the thread doesn't have a title that gets their attention. Either way, no harm is done.

Please, try not to be mean. It shouldn't be so hard not to be mean.

 

I'm not talking about holding hands and singing "Kumbaya," and I'm certainly not suggesting that everyone needs to agree on everything. Just remember that just because you're not interested in something, that doesn't mean that no one should talk about it, and ask yourself if your goal is to argue a point or to get someone else to shut up or leave. Argue the issues all you like, and argue them strongly if you feel the need to, but let those who disagree with you do the same. Make sure it's about the issue rather than the person.

 

Yes, the political debate should remain in the Hot Button Issues area.