When You Pass On, Do You Want Your Spouse To Remarry?

Morbid topic, but I've been thinking of this lately. I have mixed emotions... I don't want any "other woman" having my things or my husband, but I'd hate for him to live out his life alone, or lonely. My husband is a healthy 66 years old and very active, so I expect he will live many more years (but of course we all know how that can change on a dime.)

We have a blended family (my 2 sons plus his son and 2 daughters) and have been married since all the children were very small. Our wills are written in a way that whichever of us dies first inherits everything and then when the survivor dies, all is split equally between the 5 kids. I love and trust my husband to follow this will... but if a new "Cruella" moves in, will my children ultimately be disinherited or will she blow through what I have worked to accumulate? (Funny how the mind goes there. )

I'm sure most people don't give this a lot of thought. It's not like we have any control over what happens after we are dead. I'd hate to have to haunt anyone but I'm not above it.

 

Well, I'm the surviving spouse and I would have been open to remarriage if the right guy came along who wanted to get married. The Spousal Equivalent didn't want to marry and that was OK with me. I'm sure my late husband would have been OK with me remarrying; he was always happy to see me happy. We never go around to talking about it....he died suddenly at 60.

Reminds me of the old joke (doesn't everything?):

A woman asks her husband, "Honey, if I died would you remarry?"

He replies, "Don't be silly. You aren't going to die and I'd never remarry anyway."

"But if I did, would you let her live here in my house?"

"I told you, I'll never marry anyone else."

"Would you let her wear my mink and my jewelry?"

"Once again, I'm not going to remarry!"

"Would you let her drive my BMW?"

"I'm getting tired of this discussion. I'M NOT EVER GOING TO REMARRY!!"

"How about my golf clubs. Will you give her my golf clubs?"

"No, she's left handed."

 

I have no particular bones about it. I Want Yvonne to be happy and whatever that entails is fine with me.

 

To each his/her own. I remarried after first wife passed away, and have a Significant Other after second wife passed away. But now that I am in my mid 70s, I think I'm done.

 

@Beth Gallagher ..thank you for asking this question that should, discussed with our spouses while still around. I am 7 years older than hubby. With my health issues that at the moment are good, but still all considered - my severe blockages-boom I could be road kill at any given moment. However this is true for many- they just do not know.
Like many hubby does not care to discuss this, and hates it when I make reference to my impending death .
I would want him taken care of, and happy. If he chose to remarry that would be fine.
Told him years ago, your next one best be ugly as home made sin, and one rich bitch, to take care of all your hobbies.
As for myself, I have no intention of training another spouse this late in the game

 

people think on this more than you know- they are just afraid to admit it

 

I have no intention of remarrying after my wife dies. She is close now and we've discussed it. She doesn't expect to outlive me with all of her current medical problems.

 

Sorry to hear of your wife's health problems, Al.

 

It's been getting worse since she first collapsed in 2003 with O2 at 43%.

 

Haha. Funny, but I never gave it a thought until I got sick. Like most people, I want my husband to be happy and not a lonely old guy. (And of course the new wife will have a lot to live up to...HAHA) I suppose if I'm honest my biggest concern is whether the children will be cheated out of their inheritance somewhere down the road. Of course they are all grown and settled with families of their own, but I don't want some interloper taking what I worked for.

 

@Beth Gallagher, not a morbid topic to me. Avoiding the topic won't prevent the situation.

I would think you could have a lawyer write a codicil to your will that specifies at the event of your spouse’s demise, that any part of your assets that can be separated from his are to go to the 5 kids and / or their offspring . You’d probably have to specify what those assets would be. I didn't know until my father died that provisions in his will could stay in effect even after my mother died, if a lawyer has done it right.

Here's another perspective, though not likely one you'd adopt, I'd wager. When I was married I told my spouse that he should definitely remarry. I even told him that if I developed Alzheimer’s or some physically debilitating condition that prevented a normal relationship due to my incapacity, that I wouldn’t mind if he took a lover, as long as he was still treating me as first priority and kindly, and ensuring that my mental, medical, and companionship needs were met. I’d preferred he be happy, and not grow resentful or bitter from a situation neither of us could change. It’s probably an out of the ordinary attitude, I know, but makes sense to me.

 

Hi @D'Ellyn Dottir and welcome to the forum. Sorry you didn't get to know me before I became "Distraught Cancer Person" a few months ago; I used to have more interesting things to talk about, like coffee and what's for supper. (Intellectual stuff.) Now that Trump's out of office there's not as much to argue about except religion and Covid-19.

I have tried to broach this topic with my husband but he's adamant that he has no interest in remarrying, and that's exactly what I'd expect him to say at this point. I know that he is a social person so living alone isn't going to suit him for long, and I truly don't want him to be lonely. Plus he can't cook and puts all the darks and whites together in the laundry. I have jokingly suggested a "girlfriend" with no legal entanglements financially which seems like a good solution to me. Of course, I won't be around to have any input so all of this is moot.

I will not change my will because I believe in my heart that he will do the right thing when it comes to the children. He is the best person I know and I would not want to hurt him by such an action, demonstrating that I have no confidence in him living up to "our" agreement. The fact is, any agreement between us would expire as soon as I do. I'll just have to use my fallback plan of haunting him, I suppose.

Lately my mind seems to drift into unfamiliar territory what with the specter of death hanging over me. I need to stop posting these random threads; it's making me appear nuttier than usual.

 

Sounds like a plan. Do the cats have to be buried, too??