Each person's journey to death is unique. Some people have a very gradual decline, others will fade quickly. As death approaches, ones role is to be present, provide comfort, and reassure your loved one with soothing words and actions that help maintain their comfort and dignity. When we leave this earth and the manner in which we go, imo, depends on the way we have lived our life. Was it a fulfilled life, did we achieve our goals, did we live a happy life, did we make others miserable did others make us miserable. All these factors promote a smooth or rough transition into the other life!
I worked with hospice patients for a while, and it was a very rewarding experience. Unfortunately, in many locations it has now been commercialized...very sad. Those people weren't my loved ones, as I first met them in hospice, but we were generally old people sharing our life experiences.
I've often wondered what it might be like to live one's existence in a culture where The Afterlife was a universally-held belief...that it "just was"...that the belief was part of everyday life (meaning casually and routinely acknowledging those who have gone in a manner that says they are still among us and by doing so affirming our future state of being.) Westerners love our science. We love things that are "provable," even when we find out later that they are not really. It's funny how unprovable faith gets looked down upon, yet failed science continues to be extolled. We are really disconnected from that spiritual core that so naturally brings us comfort for those brief moments we get in touch with it, but which our "real world" habitually denigrates and shoves to the side.
When I taught naturopathic medical students a course in grief and loss, one of my students talked about her desire as a midwife to also be a psychopomp. I had to look up that word -- it comes from Greek mythology and means a person who guides or accompanies the soul of the dying through the transition to the next world. I think any one who sits at the bedside of a dying person with the ability to delay their own expressions of sorrow and to just be present to the journey is acting as a psychopomp. It makes sense to me, too, that people "see" or experience their transition in accordance with their belief system, because human consciousness lingers for a while in the dying process, according to near death experiencers. It's an interesting topic of discussion.
When I was preparing to embalm a body and they were lying on their back on the embalming table I would look down at them and ask Do you hear me. Where are you.? I was not a religious person at that time of my life and as I have previously posted I am not now. Some of those people that I embalmed were cremated, burried, entombed, in different states, foreign country.
This is not exactly the same as a person sitting with one who is dying, but my sister was caring for our father who was dying of cancer and she told me this story. She checked on Dad after breakfast and noticed that his little dog, a crazy Boston Terrier, was sitting quietly next to the head of my dad's bed. It was not like Champ to sit quietly anywhere; he was more of a "Boston Terrorist", crazy little guy. Anyway, that morning he was sitting quietly, staring up at my father. Dad died shortly before noon and his little dog never moved from that spot until the coroner arrived.
Animals know when a transition is about to begin. Some, at least. Pretty amazing to me. Thanks for sharing that, @Beth Gallagher .
Since animals can sense illness and seizures in a person, it makes sense to me that they can also tell when someone is going to die. I think that beyond just the physical sensing, that there is also a mental connection between some humans and some animals. I read a wonderful book about that, by an old Englishman who did experiments with horses to discover if they could communicate mentally. He discovered that some horses could communicate with another horse, but not every other horse, at least not by mental telepathy. One story he told was about a lady with a little dog who was a nurse during the war (WW2), and worked odd shifts, but she noticed that he mom always had the tea water hot just as she got home. She asked her mom, and was told that the little dog would get up in the window and watch for her a few minutes before she got home. It was too far away for her to have heard the vehicle, and since it happened at odd hours, it was not like a regular schedule either; so there was obviously some other kind of communication happening.
When Mark worked, his times varied. Radar had a habit of just sitting in half way from dining area to hall entrance (very small area in apartment ) just it or lay the facing the front door . As Mark would I assume be getting closer to the door Radar would move up , then stop and wait. When the door opened Radar was ready to pounce and dance around greeting him.
The difficulty in us understanding dying is because when we try to understand it we use our conscious mind. The subconscious mind is what sponsors instinct. Under hypnosis where is the subconscious mind takes over, a different dimension exists. While dogs have a limited conscious mind, they possess a strong subconscious mind. How does a dog find a person that has moved across the country is still a puzzle for the best scientist. How does a dog know someone is going to die is also a puzzle that cannot be explained. I think it is all about magnetism and electricity. Our brain works off electricity to simplify it. Our electrolytes work much like a battery to provide electrical impulses to the nerves. I believe the unseen that the subconscious detects is much like the internet web. When someone is dying their subconscious mind is taking over and some animals can detect this. When that person dies their subconscious mind no longer exist physically but becomes energy that can be decoded by other living humans and animals subconscious mind. This explains things like apparitions. The subconscious is receiving that energy and then forming an image in the conscious mind just like a computer sends a digital signal to another computer and that computer decodes it and an image appears on the receiver's screen. The computer was designed after the human mind. Dogs seem to have an unusual balance of conscious behavior and subconscious sensing. I think it is impossible for the human conscious mind to understand the dying process. Since today is Memorial Day, I am reminded of one of my friends that visits the grave of an uncle that died after returning home from WW2 from wounds he received in battle. The cemetery allows dogs as long as they are on leases and you pick up their poo. She had a new dog and after getting out of the car, he broke loose and started running. He ran to her uncle's grave. Somehow this dog tuned into her subconscious and knew where she was going. The dog had never been there before so any other conscious method of knowing the location of the grave is ruled out. There are thousands of stories like this.
From a hospice worker... "I've worked in hospice for a long time. I started because I believe that our passing, whatever it is from, is as meaningful as our beginning. Death is of course painful and horrible but I also learned it can be beautiful. I sat vigil with many patients as they pass, they were all peaceful and some down right amazing. I am not a religious person but many patients that were lucid held their arms out and indicated there was " something" there to accompany them." ____________________ I'm a bit bothered that she says "death is of course horrible and painful." Seriously?
I think the author threw that line in there to head off the "How dare you glorify death..." pants-wetters. Perhaps the author was writing from the perspective of surviving loved ones.
I hope no one is offended by my bringing up cats in this discussion but since dogs inhabit this thread, I suspect there's room for cats as well. I had a cat named Lydia, who I spoke about while she was still alive in the pet section of the forum. Lydia was not a particularly friendly cat, to people or to other cats, but she loved her mother, Baby Girl. She doted on her mother and when her mom got cancer and had trouble cleaning herself, Lydia would groom her. I buried Baby Girl in the backyard of the place where we were living then, and placed a rock over her grave. The next morning, I found Lydia lying on that rock, a place she would return to often. I don't know if she knew that her mom was buried beneath the rock or if the sun warming the rock just made for a good place to sleep, but there she was. As far as my own death goes, I wish I could say that I was assured of my salvation and unafraid of what might come next, but that's not true. Some people suggest that, as a Christian, I should know, without a doubt, that I will be going to a much better place when I die. However, I am a Christian, but the Scriptures tell us to work toward our salvation with fear and trepidation. I have failed in many ways during my lifetime, and will probably do so again tomorrow, so I cannot say that I am assured of salvation or that I even believe in the assurance of salvation. So yes, I fear death even as I hope for salvation.
I worked with hospice for a while, and most deaths in hospice are peaceful and not painful except for those who choose it to be so. One lady I worked with had throat cancer and chose not to have surgery to remove the tumor. Eventually she suffocated as the tumor grew to the point that she could no longer breathe. She was a tough ol' girl and chose the discomfort for some reason, but none of the others I worked with had uncomfortable deaths.