I've been single/divorced since '97, barely dated, haven't shacked up with anyone even. I recently met someone that I was interested in having dinner with, but I cancelled the date. I realized after thinking hard about it, that I am afraid. That isn't easy to admit, I'd rather just say "he isn't right for me" but there's no way of knowing that unless I date him. I mean, if his reputation is good etc. why not date if I am lonely to have someone to care for, and be cared for by. It's because of the past relationships I've had, I am scared I will be caught, and won't be able to get away. I don't know how to get over this, or even if I should. It is a good defense mechanism. Staying alone, I can avoid any troubles, but I avoid any good things that might come in a good relationship. Any thoughts, from folks that have not had long term relationships, or have had bad ones that were so painful it made you gunshy? I'd like to hear also, from folks that have a good relationship, or had, and you were afraid like me, at first, but then things worked out so good you are glad you gave it a chance? Denise
After my husband died I had a not so good one. He even lived with me for a few years. There were many problems but I overlooked them because I guess I didn't want to be alone. After awhile I just couldn't take it anymore and he left. I never really loved him. Bit was still too soon after my husband died. Guess I was expecting him to be like my husband, he wasn't. He drank too much for one thing and I had many scary times because of it. I don't even look anymore, I'd rather have my boring life than a stressful one.
That's what I think most of the time Chrissy, I'd rather be lonely, and figure out how to be completely content on my own. Damn fairytales won't let me though. I still dream of meeting someone sweet, and fun, and most of all, kind to spend time with. I don't know about marriage, but I would like to at least have someone to date. The guy I've met, is military, and he is 68, and has a gruff voice, looks tough too because he has always worked out, says he has since he was 13. I think he might be soft on the inside, but I am not sure yet. I just am afraid to spend time with anyone. One thing I like so far is that he does not drink at all. I don't want to take a chance on anyone that drinks. I've been there too @Chrissy Page
I would just get to know this guy as a friend first, Denise. Take your time with him. Problem is men seem to want to rush things along...to the bedroom. After awhile you'll know if he's worth considering, if not, you can be friends hopefully. A strong male is good to have as a friend.
If he is 68 years old, he may not be in such a big rush to get to the bedroom. The thing is, if you never take the chance to know him better, you'll never know what you missed. I say, don't jump in head first but give love a chance. It probably won't be a fairy tale romance but it can be a comfort in your old age. And that's not bad.
Oh I'll take my time, I take so much, I won't even go on a date, LOL! But I hear you, and yes, some are in a hurry, not just for the bedroom, but yeah, it does seem like they are come to think of it, LOL!
LOL Shirley!! good mornin Funny we both posted at about the same time, and what I said, then what you said, LOL!!
Wife and I were married twice before we met and in some relationships. Because she was married for numerous years, I was in more relationships than she was. Actually, both of us have had bad marriages and relationships, but we were still "marriage minded" when we met. Neither of us were much of drinkers and I had no problem going to church with her. I will always tell those that are scared to date/get into a relationship or marriage, for whatever reasons, you have to either dump some of that fear or simply don't date and stay single w/no one...........that's it. If you pick the right man or woman, you won't have stress. How do you do that? Talk on the phone and, if you feel comfortable enough, go on a date. Fear really never helped anybody do anything, but the word "caution" should still be there. On a date, a person wants to be with someone who's relaxed, not tense. The words "tense" and "fear" can kill a great relationships before it even has a chance to start. Another thing is, KNOW what you are looking for and ask questions on the phone. There are certain things that a person might not now like about another person after talking to them on the phone or meeting them the first time. I let my wife know first thing that I had no tattoo's, body piercings, was a light drinker, didn't smoke, not dating around, etc. She loved it. Just because a man or woman has a bad marriage and/or bad relationships, doesn't mean they still can't meet "Mr. Right" or "Mrs. Right". It happens and wife and I prove it. There are those that love being single/alone and that is entirely up to them, but not everyone feels that way.
I appreciate this a lot Cody, very wise I think. One thing I've noticed is he doesn't seem to be a really, good listener. I mean he sort of interupts, not horribly, just a little.
Proceed slowly and let what happens happen Denise. I'm alone, but not lonely. I like the fairy tale type of romance ... you know, reaching for that head of lettuce at the grocery store, and he reaches for it at the same time ... eyes lock ... lol Maybe I've watched Sleeping in Seattle too many times!! I know that you aren't talking here about men as "just friends", but best male friends are those that aren't interested in women ... just sayin' ... I've known a few well, and they were just the best friends ever.
But I need to ask questions, you're right. I need to be honest about things, in what I want, honest with myself. I want a dog, LOL, not a date, LOL!! I'm kidding, sort of, LOL!