I've met some guys in my life who actually opened UP and Talked, aka communicate. Too sad for so many guys who suffer.
When a woman becomes a mother, that’s what she is for the rest of her life. But in the sense of the nurturer, she’s not a mother for the rest of her progeny’s life. On the road she has traveled, she has gained a certain amount of knowledge and wisdom that can be drawn upon should an adult child need it. That said, “Need” is the operative word. What a mother of an adult child thinks that her progeny needs and what the genetic throw may want can be, and are often vastly different. In the end, it’s like higher gas prices. One can scream the solution to it as loud as one wishes, but the facts are that our protestations sometimes fall upon deaf ears and the prices will do whatever they will do. One doesn’t have to like it but one does have to accept it in order to move on.
I don't agree with that; particularly since a blanket statement does not apply to all mothers. Some women are simply not nurturers and probably should never be mothers. Others worry and want the absolute best for their children for their lifetime. My children are the most important things in my life, no matter how old they/I get.
As I see it and this has been true in my Life. My mother was my First and Last Teacher. She taught me so much and I'm so grateful for her....she was NOT a great book person but a smart/wise woman. A little too much religion in my early years but she didn't know anything else....It took me years on my own to shrug a lot of that "stuff".. I learned how to cook, sew buttons, do a hem and I know she had a huge caring for her 3 children. On her death bed at 91, she was hanging on as she didn't want to "leave her children"....and I was there with her, and said "mom it's OK to go, and jesus said it's OK too, with those words, she went. Bless her and I think of her so much She would be 113 today if she was still here....if there is a heaven, I know she's there. I believe there are far more GOOD Moms than NOT Good ones...... I'm preparing a message to my daughter to this effect, I know her children are her world.....and she is their major teacher and she needs to be reminded of this...... I have a couple gf's who never had a child and they have NO CLUE what it's like being a mother...no way. Thanks Bobby
The best gift we can give our children is teach them so well that they don't need us. If we can do that, we have succeeded as parents. It's not easy to do because, as mothers, we want them to always need us. Don't we?
I think you might have misinterpreted the basics and intent of the post. Yes, of course not all mothers are going to be good mothers and of course, you are the opposite of that and want all the good things that life can provide your children and yes, no matter how old they are. You are the mother of your children and will always be and undoubtedly hope that now that they are grown and on their own, all you have done and all you have taught them via your own experiences will stick with them and help lead them through their lives. The thing is, as we did they did too. They grew up and started lives on their own and have to make their own mistakes along the way the same as we did. If they stumble and fall, a good parent will hope that the love of their life will ask for help or at least ask for advice on how best to traverse the troubled waters. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t though. Sometimes they go about their way making mistake after mistake and no matter how much advise you Want to give them they simply do not seek it and if you give it anyway, they will not accept it. That is the point when one realizes that a man child or woman child no longer wishes to be nurtured or rather, looked out for. Loved unconditionally? Absolutely. Fed when we believe they need it even when they don’t want it? Just like when they were babies. They spit it back up and sometimes it gets really messy.
To be honest, my daughter has been very independent and spread her wings in her early teens....and there have been ups and downs believe me and I'd love not to be needed, but I'm here if she needs me, but I can't do much anyway with my issues.... When she got married it was a relief as I thought Oh, she's got a husband to "help take care"....that marriage was a tough one and ended in divorce....lot of stuff went on but she's pretty strong and during the marriage he took away her power..... When I got married my ex moved me and she to CA and then I found myself in a divorce and boy did I have to grow up 3000 miles from all my roots....but I found out how strong I am.
It's easy to keep your mouth shut unless the daughter in law in my case attacked me verbally. Well, there is no way I would take that from anyone and we were at loggerheads for a couple of years. I did not speak to either her nor my son in that time. My son was absolutely devastated and I made it clear that either you respect me or stay out of my life. He asked me if he could visit me and I granted him his wish but, not to bring his wife. This went on for another year or so, and even her father got involved asking me to overlook all this as it was how she was. No way, so she finally apologized and stated it would not happen ever again. Of course it did, and I told her she needed to see someone for anger issues. I never bothered them. But everytime we were together for something it was war. She had lost her mother when she was only 13 to brain cancer. Her mom was 37, and she just didn't know how to relate to a mother. She and her sister who was 2 years younger lost their mother at a critical time in their lives. They were bitter when their dad remarried a few years later and moved into the new wife's home with her 2 children. So, there were so many issues. But, 3 years ago my daughter in law was diagnosed with a virulent form of uterine cancer and was gone in 4 months. I took care of her and was devastated at this turn of events. She was only 49. We were just beginning to enjoy each other's company. At least it ended with us friends. I miss her terribly.
What a turn of events...life is full of detours and potholes. Anger I believe can breed cancers. When my son in law died, some friends said he died of anger cancer. He had a lot of unresolved anger. And drank. And yes remarriages in one's life can be damaging, some good remarriages and the children, but I think more negatives.....that other woman or man coming into their lives.... My only mother in law was not close so no contact to speak of...she had mental issues from when I first met her when I was 23 and her son and I married....
My daughter who is 57 and I had another exchange of "words"... We both have our lives and I've done mine mostly Alone, and she with bf and a longer time husband and now alone since they divorced and he now dead...but she has 2 adults children, 22 and 25.... Long stuff here and she just seems to have so much anger toward me..Nothing at all like my mom and myself...nothing. Says she finding god and that is ok if that is what she wants, I was there for some 60 yrs...but in finding god she seems to be coming out with more hate for me.....maybe she does hate me. We've had many years of struggles and now at my 84 age soon, I'd like some good feelings from her and it's not there.....
There’s always two sides to a story. I mentioned before that before my dad’s transformation, he was an Atheist but absolutely loved his siblings even though they were Pentecostal Christians. The objection of appreciation here is that when my aunt would call him, he’d hang up on her because as he said, all she wants to talk about is Jesus Christ. Sometimes he’d almost scream at her before hanging up yelling something to the effect of, why can’t we talk about something besides God? On my dad’s side, he got angry because they couldn’t form a line of communication but, in retrospect, he could have patiently heard her out and then just say, I’ll think about it and then change subjects but nope, that never happened. On his sister’s side, she resented the fact that he wouldn’t even listen to her. She didn’t hate him at all but there was a lot of resentment. She felt that her brother’s eternal life was at risk but because she Did love him she plagued the relationship with her fears thereby creating a hostile atmosphere. She should have realized that she was distancing herself from him and possibly drawing him further from God by brow beating him with the Bible but of course, that didn’t happen. To my recollection, it went on that way for maybe 20 years. He’d call her then he’d hang up. She’d call him, he’d hang up. Him ended up angry, her ending up in tears.
@Joy Martin - Don't blame yourself anymore at least for her mistakes and actions. I have one that use to hate me, and her life has been very, very difficult. She now is beginning to understand the how's and why's of why I did things my way, because of her own kids and grandkids. She has did a turn around now.
I have three daughters, each different people. I tell people who ask, I love my daughters and for the most part I actually LIKE my daughters. I have been lucky. BUT One has emotional problems; Chemical imbalances? but became a good audiologist. One is mentally challenged who wants to be her own person without people telling her what to do. She tells people her sister is a naughtyologist. And since I call boy cats 'her' and girl dogs 'him', sometimes, she tells people I have sexual problems. And one is like me, poor girl. to understand this, she came and thanked me once for praising her bone carving and taxidermy and puppet making from skins she tanned herself, when other mothers would have thought she was weird. I taught her survival skills, where the others had NO interest, and now she teaches me. The others probably just thought I was weird. I apparently make them all nuts. Not sure if it is my suggestions when not asked or suggestions they don't like when they do ask. More often than not we are like those comedy dramas starring the actress who starred in Annie Hall (?) who plays such great mother characters now. There is big drama and then it turns out to be a comedy if I look at it that way. Sometimes, let me tell you, there have been BIG dramas. But they passed--until the next one.