I need guidance here my friends. My brother has dementia and his wife (second wife) is taking care of him best way she can. the disease has progressed from mild to moderate from this time last year. They live good hour and half from us. His daughter lives closer to me than he does. My niece and I have become very close since my brother got lost earlier this year and was found in Louisiana. At first she and I both had concerns about the Wife, as her behavior was odd to us. Since that time we have decided it is just my brother. One minute he texts his daughter and claims wife is too controlling and all sorts of issues. Last month niece and I went and picked him take to lunch. We had hoped to get to the bottom of things without him being fearful of anything he might say. Had barley got in the car when he announced that he and the wife had reconciled their differences - all is well. Sigh um, okay. Last night he texts daughter said they were getting divorced soon as possible and he was happy about it. I know that dementia illness can bring on this abrupt behavior , and am trying to teach niece about this -as she knew nothing. I know some on the forum are dealing with this with their spouse. Any suggestions? Does type of talk happen with your spouse? I do know he can be sweet and lovey one minute , then become verbally aggressive the next. I just feel so helpless. Keep telling SIL she needs more help . She can not leave him by himself, taking him to his, yet he will not stay with anyone else for very long. One minute you think things are fine and the next they are not. Have even thought of moving down closer to help out, but my hubby has sacrificed much in our 30 plus years and really do not want to put him thru that. I am checking out some dementia forums , bit have just started. Any help or suggestions are appreciated.
I'm sorry you have this to deal with, @Hedi Mitchell . Especially since I get the feeling you have other issues to deal with right now as well. My little MIL has early dementia but is still functioning and lives alone in her home on a few acres. Thanks to LTC insurance she has home health care workers that check on her twice a day for 2 hours each visit (morning and evening); they make sure she takes her medication and prepare her meals. They also do a bit of light housekeeping. On weekends my husband, his brother and sister all contribute to taking care of her property maintenance, finances, buying groceries... whatever needs doing. Thankfully she has people to care for her which allows her to remain in her home, at least for the time being. I can't really offer anything of value about caring for your brother, but I admire you for wanting to help. You'd be surprised by the number of people who couldn't care less, which is sad. Have you discussed a possible move with your hubby? Chances are that he wouldn't mind, especially since you have had issues with your current apartment lately.
@Beth Gallagher - thank you for your understanding. The move would require money e really do not have, changing doctors and a few others. Plus not sure how much help we really would be. But it is a thought. I can not imagine anyone turning their back on anyone they knew who had this dreaded disease. But, i know your right there are those that do not care. I guess I am looking for answers on how to handle these wild changes in his thought process. If he calls me next and tells me the same thing- I think I will just say, gee I am sorry to hear that. For me the few ones I do know that have this disease were physically in good to great shape. Very active, My brother was a health nut food wise, played tennis and other sports . His own doctor even said he belonged on the cover of GQ ! Yet the mind was wasting away quietly without anyone really knowing.
Obviously you are a caring individual but is it wise to get too deeply involved with the problems of others when you aren’t getting any younger and you have your own to deal with? It's OK to voice concern but you can’t be all things to all people. It could be deleterious to your own health and well being.
Just adding my own mental low to this thread. I woke up in a funk this morning. Not sure what that's all about other than I'm in mourning for my life "that used to be." I don't want to sound melodramatic but honestly everything just feels so pointless. I guess I thought when I finished cancer treatment my life would get back to normal but that is never going to happen. My normal is forever changed and I feel so down some days. @Micki Pembroke , if you're still reading here I hope you're doing well and will come back sometime.
@Beth Gallagher , I've tried to think of the best thing to say but nothing sounds just right. This says it better than I ever can. Tomorrow will be better.
Thanks, Shirley. You always know what to say. I need to get some suspenders for my "big girl panties" and get on with it.
I think most of us have those down days. I seem to be down more so here lately. Not listening to the news always helps me out .Also trying not to watch stock market. Way too many depressing things going on, but we must 'keep on moving on'.
I've been dealing with the same thing here, Beth. I've little desire to do much of anything as I feel as though I have done it all and no further dreams to pursue. Oddly, I don't feel depressed about it at all, but more like relieved that nothing is expected of me. I feel content with this.
Hey there, Lois. I'm glad you aren't depressed; how are you feeling physically? Are you having any more treatment? My depression is mostly due to the fact that I have been terrified of developing lymphedema ("LE") since my surgery last year. Sadly, I'm beginning to see some swelling in my right hand and lower arm, so I'm afraid I will be saddled with that for the rest of my life. "It's always something."
I hear you, Beth, but it is treatable. I've had a couple of friends who developed it, were treated and were fine thereafter. I have a CT scan in a couple of weeks. Hopefully all is quiet in there. No symptoms, but I didn't have any before the nodes were discovered.
Bumping this old thread. Lately I feel uncharacteristically gloomy for some reason. I wake up in the morning feeling like a cloud is hanging over me and it is really difficult to get motivated. I am losing interest in most of the things I used to love. Is this just normal aging?? I feel like I just drift through my days.