When I go to dinner with my drinking buddies, we like to tell jokes. So, I am always looking for new material. If you like, please share your favorite jokes here. I will post my favorites here routinely. And away we go. Joke 1: The great skier Beat Feuz won the gold metal for fastest downhill racer at the recent winter Olympic Games. However, the Olympic awards committee Is taking his gold metal back and giving it to Joe Biden for going downhill faster.
Joke 2: What is the difference between a doctor and God? ------------------------------------------------- Answer: God knows He is not a doctor.
Joke 3: What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? ---------------------------------------------------------Answer: One less drunk.
Joke 4: Doctor: He calls a patient and says “Hi John, I have good news and bad news about your lab results.” John: Okay, give me the good news first. Doctor: You have 24 hours to live. John: What! That’s the good news? What is the bad news? Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday.
I have two dumb-blonde jokes. I posted the first one elsewhere but will repeat it here in case you haven't seen it yet. The second one is a longer read, but well worth it because it is one of the better dumb-blonde jokes out there. Joke 5: How do you make a blonde laugh on Thursday? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Answer: Tell her a joke on Tuesday. Joke 6: A blonde is flying to Hollywood. She is in the coach area and sees empty seats in the first-class. The seats look more comfortable, so she moves to first class. A stewardess tells her that she has to return to the coach seats. The blonde says, "I’m blonde and I’m beautiful and I’m on my way to Hollywood. I'm staying here.” The stewardess goes to cockpit and tells the captain and co-pilot of the blonde’s refusal to move. The captain says, “God, I don’t know what to do”, but the copilot says, “No problem. I have had lots of experience with blondes.” The copilot goes to the blonde and whispers something in her ear. The blonde jumps up, gives him a hug and a kiss and goes back to the coach area. The copilot returns to the cockpit and tells the captain and stewardess what happened. They ask, “What did you say to her?” He replies, “I told her that first class does not go to Hollywood.”
Joke 7: A priest and a rabbi go into a donut shop. The priest begins talking to the attendant. Meantime, the rabbi manages to steal three donuts and stuff them into his right coat pocket. The priest and the rabbi then leave the shop. The rabbi then brags about how he now has the three donuts in his right coat pocket. The priest says, “Oh really? Let’s go back into the shop and I will show you another way to get three donuts for free. They reenter the shop and the priest asks the attendant, “Would like to see a magic trick?” The attendant says, “Sure”. The priest says, “Okay, give me a donut.” The attendant gives him a donut and the priest eats it. Again, the priest asks for a second donut and eats it. The attendant says, “When do I see the magic trick? The priest says, “After you give me another donut.” The priest eats the third donut. The attendant says, "Okay, what is the magic trick?" The priest says, “Look inside the rabbi’s right coat pocket.”
LOL My moneys on the Rabbi. Jews seem to be born to know how to make money. What other immigrant came here penniless and now pretty much owns the nation? " Want to know who rules over you, just find out who ir is you can't criticize". I knew I should have stayed in Judaism. I really didn't have that much of a problem with it.
The reason why the Jewish people have a long history in banking and finance is that, traditionally, those were trades that were considered beneath the European elite, who would hire people to do their banking and financial transactions for them. Jews are simply people, like any other people. If they have what seems to be an inherent trait, it's not due to their blood but to their experiences. Just as someone who comes from a long line of farmers is likely to be adept at agriculture, the Jewish people are likely to be adept at finance.
I see we agree here about the Jews at least, remember I'm all for capitalism and production. I never met a pauper I wanted to be like. Who is John Galt?
Ken did you see the movie Fiddler On The Roof? I liked the man who stared in it,, really liked his song and dance in 'If I Were A Rich Man' song.
Joke 8: An older couple is driving to Hollywood, a hundred miles away. The almost-deaf wife is driving the car. After a while, they get pulled over by a traffic officer. The wife rolls window down and the officer says, “Driver license and registration, please.” The almost-deaf wife turns to her husband and yells, “What did he say?” The husband answers, “He wants to see your driver’s license and registration.” The officer checks the documents and says, “Where are you folks going?” Again, the wife asks her husband “What did he say?” The husband replies, “He wants to know where we are going.” The wife tells the officer. The officer then says, “Ah yes, Hollywood. I was there many years ago and spent the night with a strange woman. It was the worst sex of my life.” The wife turns to the husband and again yells, “What did he say? What did he say?” The husband answers, “He said he thinks he knows you.”
Joke 9: In early September 2020, a high-tech bar in Corpus Christi installs a robotic bartender with a high IQ. The first customer walks in and the robot asks him, “What is your IQ?” The customer replies, “150”. The robot then talks about Einstein’s theory of relativity. A second customer comes in, and the robot asks for his IQ. The customer replies, “100”. The robot then discusses football. A third customer arrives and the robot asks for his IQ. The customer says, “65.” The robot says, “Did you democrats really nominate Biden for president?”