We compare to others' situations as we perceive them to be. Nor do I trust what others may claim their lives are. There was a study done that said when you're buying a car, don't ask those who already own that model because they're liable to paint a rosy picture rather than admit they made a mistake. I hope all people are happy in their circumstances, but I'm not gonna believe the rhetoric. I don't know that any of us get what we really want, even if we know that that might be.
Wife and I are on our 3rd marriage. She married her son's dad. That didn't work out. After that, she met a "dashing/cute" guy at the Mall, who gave her son some quarters to play old video games. They ended up getting married, but, due to his heavy drinking, smoking and a push down some stairs, she ended the marriage. When she filed for divorce, he already had a couple of DUI's and a short jail term for drinking. He tried to get her back, but she was darn smart and said "no way". He wound up taking a large quantity of OTC med, of which he died of. She had me get rid of all pictures that he was in! Her 3rd marriage was to me. She answered a Personal Ad that I had placed and 1 yr. later we were married. She was wearing an engagement ring for that prior year. She fell in love with my Wrangler jeans, black felt cowboy hat and my Roper brand boots. I fell in love with her Roper jeans and straw cowboy hat. She also found out that I could handle a horse and rope. IOW, rodeo was a major plus for both of us. As for me, well, married my first wife in 1974. A "physical attraction" was all that marriage was. Before a year of marriage was up, we got an Annulment. A year and a half later, we got back together and remarried. That lasted for about two years, and a divorce happened. She wanted a richer, "big city" guy, not some former "farm dude" from Indiana. I think that thought came into our 1st marriage, but. I was single/divorced for 22 years and hated it for 21 1/2 years. I was the "marrying" type, not "single, never to be married again" type. Wife and I have had our "ups and downs", but, whose ever fault the argument was, well say "I'm sorry" to the other. We will sit and talk about what happened and that does help. This coming March will be 22 years of marriage and we both love it! As far as dying goes, we both hope (big word "hope"), we go together, like in the movie The Notebook. Will that happen...................well????
I believe that most people I know "got what they really want," including me. I don't care if anyone believes that I have a happy marriage; I'm not living my life against some random yardstick of success. (I do suspect a lot of the people who invent perfect lives on Facebook have some serious issues, however. ) So currently I'm not "aging alone," and I'm very glad to be able to say that. But I believe I could adjust to being alone if I had to. Like many here I have been divorced and I managed just fine for about 4 years on my own, though I was much younger and more fearless then.
Beth that is great you have a happy marriage ,so do I but sometimes ain't so happy,but there is no way I'd want to live alone without him. We get along most of the time but not all of the time. Like that video I put up,
Marie, I don't know anyone who doesn't occasionally want to pinch their spouse (or worse, haha.) My husband should get an award for putting up with me for over 30 years. Everyone has disagreements.
I was married for 7 yrs or so and Never dreamed I'd be among the divorced. But I was...I chose NOT to re-marry and Never regretted it. Once was enough of a controlling boss in my life,,,don't know until the knots are tied. My ex's 2nd wife got him and it was her 3rd endeavor into a married man's life...and I know it takes 2 of them...He went pretty willingingly Maybe, but could be he lived with a lot of guilt the rest of his life...he's gone and she took care of him until he left.
When it comes to aging alone, if you think about it, even couples face aging alone eventually. My first husband died suddenly but my second is hanging in there. We both have issues that come from aging. We both have pain and each of us worries about the other. We nag each other about what do do about it but do what we choose. If one of us goes down, the other will probably try care giving. As I said, I will move into my barnhouse if I end up the last standing. Might have to have wood delivered but should have enough saved by then. If he wins, he will sell my beloved farm. As a couple we have been more of an H than an A standing.
Learned this at a couples class. (???) A's have a basic connection but lean on each other and H's have the connection but stand on their own as well. Sorry. You had enough coffee. I did not have his visual aids.
I think more people are aging alone because there aren’t social networks available for them to meet each other. Seniors who are still agile and working, still have the same networks they always had but suddenly when they become 80 and elderly and have mobility issues, all those things drop away and there are only myths left about services communities provide for the elderly. Often seniors themselves perpetuate these myths even though they have never used any of the services they speak of. Many senior centers sound good on paper, but in reality they only provide offices and salaries for the social workers working there. A small example is our local senior citizen center advertises a community room open daily for seniors to use for cards and games. The problem is that you have to bring your own cards and own people to play with. One gentleman said he drove to the center and found only 4 women there and they were playing cards and never looked up to say hello, so he left. Social interaction for the elderly with mobility issues seems a low priority or no priority item for those who aren't elderly and don't have mobility issues. Yet some of these octogenerians are the most brilliant minds on the planet. They have collected so much knowledge over the years and would like to communicate with others their age.
You've offered some very good points, @Rose Flowers. Not only as it pertains to seniors, but many non-profits seem to exist mostly to serve themselves, with senior citizen centers having very little of what seniors want or need.
I wonder about the definition of aging alone. Does that mean the spouse died? The person has no family? A lot of people are left at nursing homes and the family can ignore them then? Before covid, our senior center was great. It had a weekly movie, classes a weekly meal, a place to sell crafts and learn them... I haven't been since. I should go. I might become elderly someday.
I have never made use of a senior center but those that I am familiar with that are operated by municipalities or non-profits have been (or appeared to me to be) sad affairs. It seemed that they were places where adult children could dump their parents off during the day, so that they didn't have to bother with them, and they would sit at tables with nothing to do or watching television, sometimes attended to by young people who seemed that they couldn't care less about them. That has been my impression, anyhow. Until the building was sold to someone who wouldn't accommodate them, there was one in Millinocket when we first moved there that seemed like a good idea. The (then) building owner allowed them to use a room in a commercial building downtown, and there would be several of them there every day, playing cards, watching television, drinking coffee, or talking about old times. Being a small town, these were mostly people who had known one another since childhood. It was known as the senior center and was somewhat organized by the seniors who used it. It was just a comfortable room that seniors were allowed to use during the day, or into the night if they had something going on.
I don't have a lot of experience with Senior Centers but the Garden Club I belong to meets in one, and it seems quite nice. No meals are served there, but there is an extensive library, coffee always on, and puzzles and game tables. There are walking paths, raised bed gardens, and a greenhouse that Seniors can use. It only has 8 (I think) apartments attached to it with garages and patios. The only downside to it is that it is in the middle of nowhere, and you would have to drive a good distance to get in and out. There are larger ones in Palmer and Wasilla, but I have never been to either one of those, so I can't say much about them.