Thinking about what I will do if my husband dies. I have severe depression, anxiety and due to a spine problem very limited time to sit and stand! We are living in a single home, my husband brings home take out and I order a little online from food stores. I'm not poor so I don't qualify for assisted living funds from Medicaid but can't afford 4,500 a month to live in independent or assisted living. My husband is the only person in my support system. Is anyone here in the same position? I'm really unable to live alone. My cognition is bad from health anxiety and lack of sleep and I'm not able enough in many ways to live alone and it wouldn't be safe for me. I'd like to connect with others who have similar needs and don't know where or how they will live in the future.
I really have no experience in that area @Sherry Von, but folks here are happy with state-run senior centers. I have no idea if Pennsylvania has such things. Sorry.
Welcome to the forum, @Sherry Von ! Glad to have you here , and joining in our discussions. I can totally relate to what you are saying, about not being able to live alone. I am almost 80, and depend on my husband for just about everything that I used to be able to do on my own. We are low-income, so if something happened to Bobby, and I had to go into some kind of apartment, it would be a low-income one. As long as I am healthy enough not to need a nursing home (my number one reason to try and stay healthy !), I would go to a senior apartment complex. They often have community areas where people can get together and watch movies, or just to socialize, and make friends. While they do not have the doctor facilities that a nursing home care has, they are better than trying to live in a whole house all alone. I have a walmart+ membership, and I order groceries online and they are delivered, and my husband carries them in. If mobility is limited, this is a fairly good option, and some delivery people will bring the groceries right up to your doorstep. Bobby always like to go down to the street and meet them, but that is by his choice, not necessity.
Hello Sherry and welcome to you. I think we all get a little anxious about how things will go for us as we age. I lost my husband some years ago and it is a big adjustment. Last year I started looking at various living options for the time when I may not be able to take care of myself. There are places that can help you understand the options and find one that fits you best but you should know before you contact one of them that they can be very helpful and also a bit annoying. Most of the places they recommend will have independent living, assisted living and memory care and they are expensive but it also depends on where you live. Some states have much lower prices than others. A Place for Mom and Caring.com are 2 websites that offer a lot of information at no charge but they do stay in touch more than you might want. There are senior apartment buildings that offer no care but they are much less expensive than those who do and you may be able to have someone come in to help if you need it. https://holidayseniorliving.com/ is one that caters to seniors and provides meals and some help but not assisted living or nursing care. Their rates are lower accordingly and they seem to have facilities in many states. Your doctor might have a good idea of which senior housing is good and which is not. I hope that getting more information will help you to feel more at ease about your options.
Hi @Sherry Von, glad you found the forum, and welcome. I think fear is maybe, the number 1 crippler, fear of the unknown, and we worry ourselves sick with the "what ifs". The only thing we really have is today, one day, to get through. If we are regretting the past, and/or worrying about the future, we are wasting "today". I say that in memory of the people that taught me to take one day at a time. Planning, and looking into things is smart, but worrying just makes me so sick, depressed, and cripples the day for me. I don't want to add to my regrets of my past. I don't want to wake up tomorrow and know I wasted yet another day I could have been enjoying what I have today, and thanking God for my blessings I have now. I also want to add that the lower-income apartments I live in also rent to folks with higher incomes, much higher than mine. They're called LIHTC Housing and stands for Low Income Tax Credit. This might suit you if you end up on your own Sherry. They have it in every State I know of. You can have caregivers come in to help you, and many here just order their foods that come right to their doors. They are very, disabled-friendly as well, but you'd have to check out the different ones to find what might fit you best. In my place, 2 people can live together, be married. I found my place at affordablehousingonline.com but you can also just google LIHTC Tenant info.
Hey Don, do you mean local senior centers that local seniors can use like a drop in center with activities or a home where you pay monthly rent?
In Vermont, they had a program where they matched people needing a place to live with older folks who had homes that needed help with maintainance etc. There was a get to know you period where the matched decided whether it was a good match or not. I thought of putting an ad out here I Wisconsin to see if I could offer a room in exchange for help--cleaning, yard work...-- I thought I could write up a contract making the association more of an employment than a rental. Otherwise, you had to go through an eviction process if things did not go well. Not sure if that is legal here. But the Vermont idea could be a good one with housing issues as they are, if states would work it right.
I wonder how that Vermont program has been working out. And I wonder what the tax implications might be for the arrangement you've thought of, especially regarding employer's filing & withholding requirements.
In a perfect world, it would make sense for seniors with a house and an extra bedroom to take someone in, providing a place to sleep in exchange for helping out with things that are hard to do as a senior. However, I'm afraid that predators would watch out for these arrangements. Even in cases where the helper was a relative, there have been too many cases where the younger person took advantage of their older relative, draining bank accounts or worse.
Yeh, there's that, and then there's the issue of the owner having a stranger in the house, and the stranger being a guest and not really living in their own space. The guest couldn't have friends over, and functionally would always be on call. But I've lived alone except for helping a friend out for a few months and being married for less than 2 years. So my perspective is not that of a person who would want to live with another human.
It's really hard to evict someone now so anyone thinking of house sharing should be aware of the eviction procedure where they live.
I too was thinking of this. Good point Vada. Like someone else mentioned who will be visiting the roommate. I know some really good people, yet some of their relatives can be dangerous to your health. Maybe check on some of the alternatives, like communes? Not all are like the Davidian or Jones types.
Farrrr out ,man, Come to think of it, this may not be a good option. @Vada Bloom. I did see some less 'leisure' type commune last year on YouTube. I'll see if I can find one of the more conservative type. I was checking places like these out in case the liberal control freaks threw us out of our home.