I think a part of the problem seniors face is that as we grow older, we tend to have fewer relationships with others in our community. Looking at my own life, even ten years ago, my wife and I spent a great deal of time with other people in and around our town, and even the state. I won a primary to run as a Republican for a State House seat, although I didn't come even close to winning the general election, but we published a statewide newspaper, along with an online newspaper, and were involved in local and state politics. I was the chair of our town GOP committee, my wife was on the Republican state committee, and we were both delegates at the state convention. Walking into a restaurant, alone or together, we were nearly always invited to sit with someone we knew there. We were invited to the gubernatorial inauguration twice by someone who knew full well that we didn't vote for him, although he was a Republican. Before that, when now Senator Angus King was governor, he chose to sit with us at the Aroostook potato festival, and we didn't vote for him either. I say this not to brag but to compare my life then with my life now. While my wife still has people she visits around town, I rarely go anywhere, and when I do, I'm either with my wife or alone. We don't have many sit-down restaurants anymore and seldom go out to eat. I know the names of a lot of the people I come across when we go out to eat locally or in the grocery store, but those we were closest to have either died, moved away, or, like us, rarely go out anymore. If my wife were to pass, if the funeral were held locally, people would attend, and I'd receive telephone calls and maybe a few visits for the first few days, but I expect that would be about it. My wife would probably do better if it were the other way around because she is more gregarious than I am. I've never been particularly extroverted; I got involved in things because I hate to see things done stupidly, so I often felt the need to get involved, but I no longer believe that I have the potential to change the world or even a tiny part of it. I think that's a part of it. As we age, we tend to be less sociable, and the people we're closest to have grown old with us or have died. Then there are those who have always been alone or never married. Having a wife and kids was not a driving force in my life, although it certainly wasn't something I would have objected to. But I was busy earning a living, learning stuff, and doing other things that were important and interesting to me. I adopted a son in my early 20s, but this wasn't because of a craving to have a son. He needed a place to live, and I was there, so it seemed like the ethical thing to do. As it turned out, I did enjoy it--a lot--and it added another level of interest to my life. Of course, then I was busy earning a living, learning stuff, and raising a child, so I wasn't out looking for someone to marry. I was forty-eight before I married, and if I hadn't met Michelle while doing something else that interested me, I would have probably remained single, not because I was wholly incapable of finding a mate but because I wasn't looking. Had I never married, I don't know if I would be sitting here wishing I had done so. Although I don't often leave the house, I can find plenty of interesting things to do with my life. But maybe I would be. I think we all sometimes consider what our lives might have been like had we taken another path. I suspect that it would be easier to have always been single than to be widowed, however.
I was the extrovert when we married and my wife was something of an introvert. Almost 50 years later, things are reversed and she is always on the go while I mostly sit at home. If I hadn't married, I would probably have died a drunk in the jungles of Borneo or Central Africa at age 50 or so.
There's lots to that. In many cultures and times, you are what you are born into. That can apply to a class, that can apply to a trade. It can even apply to being tethered to a given town/region and to having our marriages arranged (or at least having spousal options severely limited.) Now we have choices. Lots of choices, if we're lucky. But choices involve choosing. There is a very large number of things foregone when we choose a path, even if that path is only temporary. Heck, there's a very long list of opportunities that never existed if we didn't have choices. The list of "What ifs?" may not be infinite, but it's sure long. I was briefly married once, never had kids, didn't go to college out of high school, and lived in the same town for over 45 years. I lived in the same house in that town for over 30 years. I moved to this house 14 years ago, and it's in the same state, 100 miles from where I spent all that time. I often wonder how things "might have been." But I gotta remind myself...I only know the reality of what I've experienced. I can only imagine how other paths might have been experienced. I gotta be careful to not magnify the negatives of one and fabricate the positives of the other. I also have to be careful to not get hung up on the superficiality of how the lives of others seem, because I don't really know what they are like. This sense of self-awareness is a huge burden. Being human is hard.
I just figured it all out after 71 years. We are not dead yet. We know that because, when we wake up, we ache all over! If we felt nothing we would be dead. We are lucky, we still have things we can do. We can say howdy to all the friends here on SOC, editorialize, plant indoor gardens if not outdoor, write a book and, if nothing else, self publish, research almost everything on the planet.... About the only thing I can't do is jump rope and run up the stairs.
I understand @Marie Mallery. I had three days in a row when I was completely pain-free a week or so ago. It is the first time since my accident that I have been pain-free. Some of the aches have come back, but I can only hope....
I don't mean to put down the people who are aging alone with concerns. But sometimes I laugh at the things that I am glad people are not around to see. It gives me a kind of freedom. I can duck into the washer closet to grab a clean pair of something, even if I am not wearing pants. I can go in and out of a room three times before I remember why and don't have to be embarrassed. I can have a REALLY bad itch in the center of my back and, in desperation, grab a fork out of the silverware drawer. Don't worry, I didn't put it back. but I am not sure where I put it....
Noce take on things Ken, although I'm totally different, I've always been with large family and been married since I just turned 17. Always had friends and associates. I don't think I'd make it long without Jake, nor would I want to at this age. Had kids since 18 plus helped raise 2 siblings born in 1966 when I was 16, one in January, one in December, mamas change of life kids. We moved away from both families 27 year ago. I've really missed just seeing them on visits. I'm very lonely without people in my life. Didn't meet many people here other than a few neighbors who have passed or moved because we were too busy setting up the place.
Correction I see them on visits only visits are further apart now that hey too have larger families and Jake and I don't travel nearly as much as just several years ago.