I am - when I think back: My parents liked to take trips to Las Vegas. Mostly my mom liked the Roulette tables. My dad just wanted her happy. My mom liked Joshua Trees & we always stopped in the desert so she could take photos next to them. When I was around 5 years old, we drove a mile or so into the desert & my dad started taking photos. I had a habit of wandering & petting every animal I found outside. My dad knew that & it wasn't very smart of him to not keep an eye on me. I found a large snake next to a bush & picked it up. Later, I learned it was a Mojave Green Rattlesnake - one of the worst, with venom that's both hemotoxic and neurotoxic. I remember thinking "He comes with his own built-in toy - how cute his tail was - with those rattles on it." I was handling him for at least 5 minutes with most of him wrapped around my face when I heard my dad yell, "Hey...put that down...he can kill ya!" I said, "But he likes me." My dad didn't want to come near me while I was holding him. I gently put him down. To this day, I don't know why he didn't bite me or even rattle. We were several hours from the nearest ER & I was a very small kid, so if he bit me, it's unlikely I would have survived. When I was 7, my dad had some kind of door-to-door sales job. He'd take me with him & I'd wait in the car while he knocked on doors. Again, he wasn't smart to leave me alone in that De Soto when he knew I liked to play with every button & switch in the car. Well, he parked on a steep hill & said, "Don't touch anything," then he started canvassing the block. Of course, when he was out of sight, the first thing I did was press the starter button. I loved the way it made the whole car shake. Well, everything was OK until I played with that pull-out parking brake lever, then the car started rolling down the hill, going faster & faster. I jumped into the back seat. The car went over a curb & hit a tree (luckily). It could have hit a pedestrian. A cop arrived & yelled at him for leaving me alone in the car. My mom was a terrible driver. I must have been around 4 at the time. She was driving with me in the passenger seat, eating a candy bar. For some reason, she hit the curb & the car flipped onto it's roof. I ended up curled in a ball on the floor. I must have been crying. When the ambulance arrived, the driver asked me if I was hurt. I said, "No." He said, "Then why are you crying?" I said, "I can't find my candy bar." A year later, I was speeding down a steep hill on my bicycle when a gardener pulled out in front of me. I slammed into the back of his pickup truck & flew over the entire truck, landing in the street. The only injury was to my right knee; it swelled up huge. I didn't want to tell my mom & dad, so I just ran home & hid, but my knee swelled up so big it was noticeable & my mom found out & took me to the ER. The doctor said, "Nothing broken; just put some ice on it." (Don't read this one if you're squeamish). When I was 10, my brother & I were playing handball against the side of the house. I was barefoot. As I ran up to hit the ball, I heard a scraping sound. I looked down at my foot & saw that a nail went through the side of my big toe & out the other side. I started to pull it out but it was so rusted, it broke off. When I pulled on the other side, it also broke off, leaving a piece stuck inside the toe. Well, I went into the garage & found a brand new nail & used it to push out the broken piece. I poured peroxide into the hole & put a Band-Aid over each hole. It healed perfectly. "Tetanus?" What's that? No more serious incidents....until I was 16. I'm swimming at the beach, maybe 50 yards from shore when I felt a tug on my foot - like someone grabbed it as a joke. I reached down & felt something thrashing. I didn't know what it was until it swam away & I saw the fin sticking out of the water - a small shark, (luckily) maybe 3-4 feet. The water was cold & I didn't feel any pain, so I thought it was minor, but when I got to shore, people started gasping & pointing at my foot. There was a big open triangle-shaped flap on the top of my foot & every time I took a step, it gushed; that's what was freaking people out. I wrapped it in a towel & drove home with my other foot. When I got home, I couldn't find bandages that were big enough, so I stuck the flap back on & covered it with masking tape I found in the garage. It healed fine - maybe the salt water prevented infection.
I suppose I'm somewhat surprised to have survived Stage 3C Inflammatory Breast Cancer 2 years ago. I was pretty sure the mortician was parked at the curb with the motor running but somehow I'm still hangin' in there.