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Discussion in 'Philosophy & Psychology' started by Silvia Benoit, Dec 19, 2020.
I've been reading these comments from the outset and it seems that some people here confuse toxicity with just plain dislike. Many responses are well thought out, but others are so shallow as to be laughable. Even some of the responders could be termed obnoxious, narcissistic or toxic judging by one's comments. However, we are all human and respond to individual perceptions and are too quick to label those who annoy us for one reason or another. Unless you are a professional psychologist or psychiatrist, be careful with labels. They simply give a person and excuse to behave as they do. In short it validates their behavior and in their eyes, society will have to live with it.
Exactly Lois! Lots of labels to pick from and very few are used correctly. I have always disliked the use of the word toxic to describe human behavior. It really says nothing to describe a person's behavior that would bring about any change or lead to any value therapeutically. Sort of a one-label fits all for those with socially unacceptable behavior.
It's not a matter of being a mental health professional but, simply, a person who doesn't feel comfortable with somebody' s behavior. Bill, Anne, Paul or Susy may say that a friend, a relative, a neighbor ... is obnoxious, narcissist or arrogant......it doesn't matter since what really counts is how that person makes Bill, Anne, Paul and Susy feel when in his / her presence.
Then, would it be obnoxious if Bill, Anne, Paul and Susy to confront said relative or neighbor and explain to him / her what it is about him / her that makes them feel uncomfortable?
I mean after all, if the association between the parties involved is such that they can sit and talk about another person, would it not be far more productive to confront the situation with that neighbor or relative?
Or perhaps, it is Bill, Anne, Paul and Susy who are the one’s with the character flaws and are envious of the neighbor because he has nothing to apologize for.
To me, a bunch of people sitting around talking about another person behind their back, unless it’s a politician, is in itself a character flaw and highly toxic.
If there is something about someone I cannot abide by, I have no qualms about telling the person if he or she upsets me that badly.
In my career I worked in an environment that didn’t deal with the general public. So after retirement it was a shock to spend more time with people and learn of their various neuroses and lack of logic. I’ve done some crash reading in psychology to help me identify problematic people in my life who have problems I am not likely to be able to solve, One was a narcissistic personality I spent way too much time on before learning about the characteristics of narcissistic personalities. They appear to want to be your friend until you realize every situation is all about them and never about you. You are merely a prop or an accessory - a means to achieve their end goals.