These are supposed to be actual courtroom exchanges. ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man-- WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment.
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
Attorney: 'I'll show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.' Witness: 'That’s me.' Attorney: 'Were you present when that picture was taken?'”
LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? WITNESS: Yes. LAWYER: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? WITNESS: Yes, sir. LAWYER: What did she say? WITNESS: 'What disco am I at?'