"George and Gracie (let’s call them that because using their real names would make them even unhappier than they already appear to be) are in their 80s and have been married for more than 65 years. Until recently they seemed to ride the waves that are inevitable in any marriage that spans nearly seven decades; through good and bad, they were partners and best friends". "But lately — ever since her hospitalization and his fall — they have been arguing more bitterly than usual (“Do you have to make such a mess in the kitchen?”), criticizing each other (“Why haven’t you dealt with the insurance company yet?”), withdrawing from each other, and generally making each other more miserable, more often than ever before".
@Joe Riley , that is an interesting article. There is a lot to think about there. I know one thing, though, it's hard to be all sweetness and light when you are hurting badly. When I was in so much pain with my knee, I tended to snap at people, which is something that I don't normally do. I think that may be why old people get grumpy.
I think that the article brings up some good points, and also I agree with @Shirley Martin that when we are hurting , we tend to be more irritable and take things wrong. Another factor might be the medications that people take for the various illnesses and conditions that come along as people age. Just watching the advertisements for some of these common medications is enough to scare you off from ever taking them ! Many times, it seems like they cause more problems than they help. Who wants to stops skin blemishes if it is going to give you a heart attack ? Anyway, some of the medications are also mind/mood altering and cause people to have a distorted view of reality, and if you have two people on these medications, then there can be more arguments just because of the drug effects. Adding dementia into the mix would certainly make it even worse. And, as the article pointed out, some people just like drama in their lives, and keep it stirred up at all times anyway. Thankfully, both Bobby and I had all of the drama we ever wanted (and more) in our earlier marriages, and we both appreciate the peacefulness and serenity of our life together now.
Well...nobody said getting old together was going to be easy. And I to found that article very interesting and informative. Whether we like it or not many of us will experience some of those things with our spouse and it's kind of comforting to know that it's just part of the aging process and in many cases there are things to help us through these things.
After I fell and hurt my foot, I sure wasn't in the happiest of moods, but, thank God, my wife was right there to help me in whatever I needed. She pretty much had to do everything I was doing at home, plus her job. She done the same thing when I had my hip replacement and both rotator cuff surgeries. Of course she is older now and not as patient as she was during the times I had those surgeries. She done a great job though and we are both happy that I can now walk some on the foot, in a Post-Op Shoe, and do a number of the things that she done for me. Yesterday I stripped the bed and put on clean linens and right now I'm running the washing machine with the dirty linens in. We can both get upset when some arthritis pain hits our bodies and/or we don't get enough sleep. Both of us are Diabetic II and that just doesn't get along with arthritis pain and other things. Hate going to bed and not being able to go right to sleep or waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep for an hour or so. We have/had our "ups and downs" during our almost 16 years of marriage, but we always return to the hug, kiss and "I love you".
I am experiencing hearing loss, and my husband is experiencing vision loss and this has been going on just for a couple of years at this point in our marriage...but already when we are tired or stressed I find we both get irritated at having to deal with each other's losses in these areas. I have to turn the TV up loud to hear the few shows I do like to watch and some days this aggravates my husband. He comes in from outside and has to turn every light in the house on so he can see better and this aggravates me sometimes, mostly when he comes in the room I'm in and turns on them all as he's passing through and tells me "Now you can see better"....when I am not having any problem seeing and that is why I only have the one lamp next to me on. When he gets irritated when my loss of hearing I try not to let it bother me...because I don't like experiencing hearing loss either. These are little irritations now but as they get worse and we keep getting older these things will probably become more aggravating too. We will continue to love each other, but it won't always be easy to love what old age is bringing our way.
Both Bobby and I use headphones when we watch/listen to something and we are the only ones watching it. If it is something that we both watch, then we use the television; but otherwise we just use our iPads and headphones. Bobby likes to watch movies in the evenings, and I often read a book on the Kindle, and since he is using headphones, it is always quiet in the house. Robin sent us a little gadget that plugs into the television and makes it compatible with bluetooth, and if we hook that up (which we have not yet done) then we can also use headphones with the television. This might help you to hear better, @Babs Hunt , because then you could set the volume on the headphones where you can hear it distinctly, and it would not affect the overall volume of the television.
My wife will sometimes leave a light off when she is doing something. I will tell her, nicely of course, to turn the light on. She told me she leaves it off, because she sometimes forgets to turn it off, but will turn it on at my request. She also gets more aggravated with traffic than I do. When we do drive at night, I do it. When she does get aggravated at something, I try to calm her down and she does the same for me. Sure helps our marriage!
I use my headphones on my laptop when I am playing a DVD movie. I can't watch Neflix or any other online movies or even my favorite TV shows on my laptop and use my headphones because we do not have a fast enough internet service that we can get out here unless I buy the TV and phone package with it. I tried that for a two year contract a few years ago but did not find it worth the money. Things are really building up around here though so maybe they will have more to offer next year. I have not looked into headphones for the TV though so that might be a good thing to do research on. Our walls are well insulated so I usually just watch the TV in the bedroom and close the door so he doesn't hear the loudness while he is watching the TV in the livingroom. We used to watch a lot of the same shows but just a few now...and I like to read alot too which is never loud.
My own hearing loss drives my wife nuts, at times. Exasperated, after repeating something 3 or 4 times, she gives up, seemingly in disgust. Can't tell, though, because when a lady screams loudly, no matter the content, friendly or fighting, it almost always sounds unfriendly! Frank
There's wisdom in those words Frank. Run for the hills when a lady screams or stand your ground and be ready to say you are sorry!