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Discussion in 'Make Me Laugh' started by Allie Seay, Mar 29, 2015.
I said tighten clockwise!!!
Caitlyn (Bruce) Jenner and another transwoman whose name either is or isn't Dylan Mulvaney have some sort of feud going, the specifics of which I'm uninterested in. I ran across this excerpted bit of silliness this morning.
The exchange between Jenner and Mulvaney is the latest in a series that began on October 25 when Tennessee Senator Marsha Blackburn tweeted a recording of a TikTok Mulvaney posted in May. In the video, Mulvaney spoke about walking around with a "bulge" in her trousers and called for people to "normalize the bulge."
My newest pickup line: Hi, sweetie. How'd you like to normalize my bulge?
Note to readers: Wearing a dress does not make you a woman but it could make you a Scotsman.
My wife goes out 3 evenings a week with her driving instructor.I wouldn't mind but she passed her driving test in 2018.
My wife likes to talk during sex. She keeps calling me from motels!
Take my wife ... PLEASE! Love the guy.
A Good Samaritan
Rodney was not just a great comedian, but also a writer and actor. He gave early breaks to now well-known comedians and actors including Jim Carrey, Tim Allen, Roseanne Barr, Jerry Seinfeld, and Sam Kinison.
The prince of one-liners, the legend Rodney Dangerfield, started his career with an unusual catchphrase, “I don’t get no respect.” Most of his jokes were based on this catchphrase derived from a discussion when he once overheard some guys while they were talking about respect. It was a light-bulb moment for him, and he caught on to it making some hilarious jokes about himself and the people in his life.
Even after his sad demise at the age of 83 in 2004, Rodney remains to be loved, respected, and honored by many as the best comedian of his time.
,,, from rt.com:
McDonald’s has apologized after an advertisement for the fast-food chain’s ‘McCrispy’ burger was placed close to a crematorium in the UK – although some locals did see the funny side.
The restaurant chain has pledged to remove the offending advertising hoarding following complaints from residents of Truro in the UK county of Cornwall. It had gained attention on social media on Friday for being placed on a busy road directly opposite an establishment which offers cremation services.
The brightly lit advert, which was placed directly behind a sign pointing to the crematorium, was branded as “tasteless” by some angry locals.
“Although I can see the funny side, it is tasteless and I’m sure some grieving family members won’t like to see it when visiting Penmount for the funeral and cremation of a loved one,” said a resident whose mother-in-law was cremated at the funeral home last year, as quoted by British media.
"How do you want your burger, sir?"
"Very, very well done, please."
Funny for me today
"You are now free to move about the cabin."
I heard a story about one woman who ran a classified ad in order to sell her brand new car. It had only 3,000 miles. "Like new," the ad boasted. "Mint condition. $75.00."
He laughed to himself, and said, "There goes the newspaper, making another mistake."
But he decided to call the number anyway and ask about it.
"Is it really brand new?"
"Yes," she replied.
"Three thousand miles?"
she answered. "Seventy-five dollars! Lady, what's wrong with it?" he asked. "Nothing is wrong with it. And, amazingly, you're the first to call. I suppose nobody else believes the ad."
He decided to look at it. She let him take a test drive. The car looked exquisite and ran perfectly. He just couldn't believe his luck.
"The car is yours for $75.00. Just drive it away.
"He paid her and took the keys.
"Please tell me, lady," he persisted. "You could have sold this car for $35,000, at least. What is going on?"
She told her story: "I bought the car for my husband on our fortieth wedding anniversary. Two weeks later he ran off with somebody else. Last week I got a text from him. They are in a resort in Miami Beach, Florida. The text said, 'Need money, sell car, send cash.'