It has been 30 years since I lost my wife to divorce. . Yet, I sill think of her and I often dream of her. 30 years ! Darn ! I sure do wish I could forget her. I was the one who finally left her due to her unreasoning jealousy. I was forced to leave in order to save my sanity. She was making my life hell on earth. No matter what i said to her or how I behaved she always "knew" that I was cheating. I never gave her any reason to believe that. All I ever wanted was to remain faithful to her and grow old together. We had so much in common and loved many of the same things. God knows I thought she was drop dead gorgeous. From the first second I laid eyes on her, I was determined to make her mine. But, little did I know I was making a Faustian bargain. Last night I had another terrible nightmare. In the dream, which seemed to last forever, she was creating great stress in me, demanding ever more money and promises of undying faithfulness. I awoke with heart racing and in a sweat and could not get back to sleep until 7:30 am. Yes, following the breakup and after a 6 years of being alone I began to look for another life long love. But to no avail. Oh sure, I dated , but never came close to replacing her. So, now, 30 years on, at age 76 I understand that my hopes are long since gone. Yet the memory of her just won't go away.
May I deduce from various data points that she was of Hispanic descent? I was married once, but less than 2 years. It's funny, but of all the "what if" women in my life, my ex is one I never put in that category. Memories are often one way of preventing us from being lonely.
@Richard Whiting 30 years? Is she still alive? Has she remarried? If she is maybe that would make you jealous enough to forget her and rid yourself of those nightmares. Otherwise I think you still love her and won't admit it to yourself. I know I'm blunt.
I know a couple who have been together for years. They bought houses next to each other...separate bedrooms to the extreme.
I do not know anything about her current life. Heck, I don't even know if she is alive. There will likely always be a part of me who loves her. However, that does not mean I want her back. True, we shared many, many common interests . BUT, her unreasoning jealousy caused stress and great emotional pain. You see, she believed that all men cheat on their wives. If I was out of her sight, she "knew" I was up to no good. So, even if I do still love her, I also realize that she was the source of the most painful days of my life.
I have something similar @richard and feel I can atleast relate to how you feel. The love of my life, came into my life at about age 20-21. I won't go into the whole story, but I still believe he was the only one for me. We got into an argument, I don't remember what it was about, before he left for work. I packed my bags and ran home to mommy. Two weeks later I called him and he thought it was best I stay where I am, I wanted to come back. He made the right decision. I was not wife material, I just wanted it to be like a fairytale, couldn't stick with a job, we were not married by the way. Everything was dropped on him, rent etc. I'm sure now that was what the argument was about. When I talked to him after, he just couldn't believe I had up and left, but he was right, again, in his suggestion I stay where I am. Bottom line I am seeing now is that being in love wasn't enough, I was lacking in marriage-skills, and actually committing to someone. Now I feel it's too late as well, with anyone if I did meet someone. But I find all their faults. Nothing is the same, especially me and seeing all the chances I've been given. Please no one tell me not to beat myself up. We live in a world of throwaway relationships, and that's just what I've done. God knows if I could go back, my biggest wish would be that I could easily see where I was wrong instead of looking at others, especially someone I love. We live in a fallen world, many won't get that but I know it's true. Just as we are tempted today, same as in the Garden of Eden
Take some solace in the possibility that she took her obsession with jealousy with her to torment whomever she's with now. Send him a sympathy card.
I have to say I am glad that you shared this with us, Richard. You obviously made the best decision for yourself with no regrets and the courts confirmed that by granting your divorce. No one really wants to end a marriage in divorce believing the marriage would indeed last a lifetime. I will share this with you though, if you are still in love with her think on things that made you happy and not that which broke your heart.
"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I wonder if that's not meant to tell us that we at least know we have the capacity to love.
Oh yes, we had many happy times. We both loved 60's/70's rock, especially Roy Orbison and Moody Blues. (our song was Unchained Melody) We loved traveling and going camping fishing in the High Sierras . Both loved being together/cuddling while watching movies. To say nothing about the nights she gave me which continues to light fire in my dreams. As they say, "It was the best of times, and the worst of times."
I had never thought of that. You may very well be right. She came from a culture where husbands keep mistresses. All the while growing up, she saw young girls come crying to her house and begging for help with the pregnancy. And her 1st husband cheated on her.