I read this on Twitter last week and retweeted it: "Don't be afraid to do something just because you're scared of what people are going to say about you. People will judge you no matter what." When I was much younger I was always trying to please other people and I would do what was expected of me instead of what I wanted to do. It was years before I understood that it really doesn't matter what others think or say. Self-respect and self-belief are more important. This realization has made a huge difference to my life and, ever since, I've never been scared to do something because of what people might think of my life choices. I think this is something that comes with age. I used to be unhappy because I was a misfit. Now I'm happy not to conform and it makes no difference to me if other people will judge me for that.
I was in Cognitive Therapy one time, when I was much younger. I, too, was terrified of what others would think about me, to the point of being afraid to say or do anything. My therapist had me do an exercise - he told me to close my eyes, and for 30 seconds he would think bad thoughts about me, then for another 30 seconds he would think good thoughts about me. The catch was, he wasn't going to tell me which thoughts he was thinking for each interval. At the end of the minute, he had me open my eyes and he asked me which interval was he thinking good/bad and did those thoughts hurt/please me. It made me realize that I have no clue what other people think about me, or if they even think about me at all. Even if they are thinking badly of me, it doesn't hurt me. That really helped me get over that fear. And my life has been so much better.
Great advice! In one of Dwayne Dyers first books, he says that we should not be afraid of doing things because in the long run, nobody is looking at us anyway. Not his exact words but it is pretty true.
I have to agree with this. After all no matter how hard we try at times to please some people we never will achieve that goal. I learn that they hard way. So, I may as well do what I feel is right or what I want to do and not worry what others may think. Everyone will always have an opinion of us no matter how hard we may want to please those around us. Sometimes we just need to accept that we aren't going to please everyone so the best thing we can do is be ourselves.
Exactly, you can't close people mouths, and the less you care, the more confident you get. People will talk because their only people, they are made to talk and give out opinions. We learn with age how to not care about that, and a true realization is a process that comes with time.
Yep, you can never please everyone, there will always be someone who will take whatever you've done as offensive. As I had said before on this forum, I adopted the "I don't care about others' opinion on me" way of thinking in my teens, and I've been happier ever since then - it's MY life, not someone else's. I shouldn't let anyone dictate how I live my life.
One thing that seems to be a constant for all of us over age 50 is that we grew up feeling misfits, trying to fit by pleasing others, and always concerned what others could say about us or the things we did or used to involved into. There was too much pain involved in all that, the pain to feel secluded, expelled, ignored, or simply "laughable" for others, who used to find "fun" in our words that we never saw. Thankfully we have reached this age that has taught us to ignore them and to stop please others but only please oneself being just the way we are, no matter what.
A lot of us also grew up in a time where we were taught to remain quiet and to please others. It took growing up and having children to realize that we need to please ourselves first. That doesn't mean being disrespectful or mean to others, just that we can't live our lives according to what other people think. If we just live a good, moral life, then we should not worry what others think of us. There will always be that person that will say what ever they want about us no matter how we live.
Colinda I agree I was told to not speak when some one else is talking and always be considerate and don't hurt anyone feeling. This is great when you are young but as I age I am sorry to say I have changed. When I hear a person spouting BS I feel compelled to interrupt the person. I have got to a point of not caring what the other person things as long as I speak from the heart. If they do not like it it is their problem not mine.
I remember so well when my mom used to say "what would people say......" I grew up worrying about "what would people say if they only knew this or that......... Now, I don't give a damn.
I think we can only control how we talk about and judge other people. when we are guilty, and don't change, then we are only hurting ourselves.
I have to admit to feeling a little different from most of you about this. I want people to like me and I will do whatever I can reasonably do to make them like me. I won't jump through hoops to make them like me but if there is some small thing I can do, I will do it.
I was always raised to treat people fairly, and with politeness and a kind heart. I still try to do that as much as possible. It is not so much what other people will think of me, and my behavior; but it is the expectations that I put on myself to treat people the best that I am able. Sometimes, even when you are doing the best that you can , people will be displeased and think or talk poorly about you, so you really can't control how someone will react. While, I do want people to like me, and always hope that they do; when it really comes down to it, what matters is how I feel about what I do or don't do.
I am now in a place in my life that I do not really care what other people have to say about me. I have become like a duck in water, I let it slip right off and enjoy my life.