Spouses Who Spill The Beans!

Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by Tony Page, Jan 30, 2023.

  1. Tony Page

    Tony Page Veteran Member
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    Are there conversations between husband and wife that are understood to be private and not to be spread to the population.
    Example you say to your wife "Harry got fat". Your Wife In conversation with Harry's wife she mentions what you said, the wife in turn tells Harry, who now is mad with you.
    Is there an unwritten law that conversation between husband and wife stay between husband and wife or must it be preceded with "keep this between us".
    Are private conversations meant to stay private? Especially when revealing them could create an issue.
     
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  2. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Senior Staff
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    I think it depends on what the thing is, but, for the most part, I'd say yes.
     
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  3. Beth Gallagher

    Beth Gallagher Supreme Member
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    My husband is so tight-lipped that he doesn't even tell me what he and the kids talk about. My daughter is always saying, "didn't Dad tell you????" Nope.
     
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  4. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Senior Staff
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    I always tell my wife what the cats are saying about her. Especially Bubba, because he has a habit of nearly always answering me verbally when I talk to him, so I refer to that as a conversation.
     
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  5. Marie Mallery

    Marie Mallery Veteran Member
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    Yes but sometimes its best to tell them not to say anything.
     
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  6. Tony Page

    Tony Page Veteran Member
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    We had a neighbor visit today, she took the oxygen out of the room and I felt she's talked about things maybe her husband wouldn't have been happy about, my wife had a different opinion. That's where I got the idea for this thread.
     
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  7. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Senior Staff
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    That's one of the main purposes of this forum.
     
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  8. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Supreme Member
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    There are things that wife and I will say about her older sister that neither of us will say a word to her older sister about. Sometimes will do the same about her younger brother, but don't say anything about what we said to him.

    IOW, if my wife's sister really knew what we talked about concerning her, she be both really hurt and really mad. The younger brother probably wouldn't care at all about what we have said about him.
     
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  9. Teresa Levitt

    Teresa Levitt Veteran Member
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    we uplift each other...even if not totally correct...doesn't matter...the positive talk creates a positive return
     
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  10. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Supreme Member
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    Well, Teresa, in this "day and age" it can be very difficult to talk positive, whether it's about a family member or anything else. As for myself, I like talking "reality" and "reality" isn't always a positive thing.
     
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  11. Hedi Mitchell

    Hedi Mitchell Supreme Member
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    What is said between us -stays that way. I think it should stay that way, unless one askes the other to repeat. @Tony Page , good topic Tony.
     
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  12. Teresa Levitt

    Teresa Levitt Veteran Member
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    well..that old adage...if nothing good to say...say nothing...works for me
     
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  13. Faye Fox

    Faye Fox Veteran Member
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    There are people like that who can't wait to share details about their marriage no one really cares about except counselors and they take their caring to the bank. Maybe gossip lovers want details that shouldn't be shared. I think things like serious illness shouldn't be discussed unless the ill one gives permission.

    Like, the husband that said, don't tell the kids but the wife told her friend which told her kids, which then told their kids.

    Or the ones that announce every little thing on social media unbeknownst to their spouse.

    I think it depends on what one tells the other if it is to be confidential. Did the spouse intend for it to be secret? Things like sexual malfunction I would think isn't something a spouse wants the other to share with friends.
     
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  14. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Supreme Member
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    So, you mean that everything you say is always, and I do mean always" positive? Actually, I don't go with old adages and probably never will. I live in the real world that sure isn't positive all of the time. It would be great if it was, but it never has been.
     
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  15. John Brunner

    John Brunner Senior Staff
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    While I loathe what I view as "gossip," such perceived betrayal of trust actually gets a lot of stuff out in the open. There may be conflict caused initially, but you gotta admit that after the air clears and feelings heal, there are no more misunderstandings. It has its purpose in keeping the tribe socially clean.

    The main issue I have with some of this stuff is that some people repeat gossip just to make themselves the [temporary] center of attention. But as far as some women (and some men) are concerned, they are not really gossiping. And there are people who simply cannot hold it in when they have these juicy tidbits.

    Regarding confidentiality with the things said between husband and wife...the first time it happens is a betrayal. Every time thereafter is an invitation...you know what's gonna happen. So maybe you are unconsciously using her (or him) to say things you don't have the courage to say yourself.
     
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