The Road Less Traveled

Discussion in 'Personal Diaries' started by Charlene Marolf, Jun 15, 2021.

  1. Charlene Marolf

    Charlene Marolf Very Well-Known Member
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    Yep, that's what I'd do. Yippy skippy down that road.

    If I'm writing an incorrect post, or I need to post this in a different way (I am trying to do some journaling here) please let me know. I have no problem deleting or moving or doing whatever is necessary. I respect this community.

    I like me. I am probably considered a very strange person, but I like being that way. I am now in my fourth marriage. I raised my kids without many restrictions at all, but they always knew that I loved them very much. I love talking with my youngest son about our life when he was young. We were extremely poor, but he has told me he didn't know it at the time. He remembers loving life and being happy.

    Our family isn't quite so happy now, but I love my spouse and I love the way we're living life so I'll settle for that. I have beautiful grandchildren, so that will do for a good family right now. I'm supposed to be an old grandma, so I'm trying to not interfere too much in my children's lives. I'll play my role the best I can and leave them to be happy with their families.

    I am a bit lonely sometimes. It can be that way when you live the life of an unusual person and an introvert on top of it. I know the rest of my bunch consider me downright weird. I told a friend of mine that every family should have a weird grandma, so she and I should take on that honor. I believe I have done an excellent job.

    I believe I have some smarts. I like to read and I do a little writing which is very satisfying. I've become frustrated with the writing though. I can't seem to make it feel completely organized, something that would be readable to someone else, and I wanted it to be. So I'll take a stab at writing here. Maybe it will make me feel better.
     
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  2. Beth Gallagher

    Beth Gallagher Supreme Member
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    I look forward to reading about you, Charlene. (And I'm the weird grandma, too. ;))
     
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  3. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Supreme Member
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    Maybe not weird; just otherwisely normal. :)
     
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  4. Charlene Marolf

    Charlene Marolf Very Well-Known Member
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    This is great! Yay for weird!

    Life is normal here at the Green Mansion (be it ever not so green). I'd love to bake something, but I think there's lots of sweets in the kitchen, and I don't need any of them. I have jello cake on the menu, so maybe I'll get to that later in the week. I love to bake.

    Two of the grandkids are coming over in a couple of weeks to spend the weekend. They are so sweet, but the boy is obsessed with video games, and his younger sister wants to take away whatever he has. That sounds normal, I think. For some reason, they like that I have bagels for them. I'm glad that they are easy to please like that.

    I did a crafty thing yesterday, a chalkboard string thing with all the grandkids' pictures on it. I wrote their names on it. Zachary, Addison, Lacey, Sydney and Finley. I bought little clothespins at the Dollar Tree that I clipped them on with. I think the last time they were here, Zachary had found them and showed me one. He was impressed. He said it was the littlest clothespin he had ever seen.

    I'm sewing a quilt by hand. I didn't realize it would be so much work... I'd rather be on to another project, but I like to finish something before I start another. Is that an OCD thing? I'm also bi-polar, so in my case I have a short attention span.
     
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  5. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Supreme Member
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    It's an OCD thing. :p
     
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  6. Charlene Marolf

    Charlene Marolf Very Well-Known Member
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    Oh goodness, I'm terribly OCD as it is...lol
     
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  7. Charlene Marolf

    Charlene Marolf Very Well-Known Member
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    Trying to kick a bad habit. One day to check off my list so that's a big hurrah. I think the first day is always the hardest.

    I've found myself to be not terrible at changing bad habits. I've quit smoking before. Sad to say I took it up again, but then again, I quit, so that was an accomplishment. I remember when it was. April 15th, 2010. That would seem that I have a good memory, but it's really related to when my middle son passed away. I wanted to something for the anniversary of a year after his death, which was 2010. He died on the 9th, but for some reason, I have to have big events on mondays. It seems to be a weird habit of mine. So that's how it worked out.

    This time I am stopping the habit of taking a snack to bed with me. This is a huge deal. Probably bigger than not smoking. I've been doing this for as long as I can remember. I've always had eating disorders, and because of that, have fluctuated my weight from 300 lbs down to 134 was the smallest I believe I was. This is the one habit I've never been able to kick. (except eating around other people. that's still a bit difficult, but I can do it) I have had snacks all of my adult life, as far as I can remember.

    Anyway, I've recently been having bad stomach aches, so I thought it might be because of the snacks. If that's not it, I would at least like to skip having to tell the doctor I do that, if the problem doesn't go away. I've had that stupid light down my throat, and there's nothing wrong with my stomach. It's probably what I'm eating at bed time. I've also noticed my weight creeping up again. I'm not thin, but I weigh less than I did at one time. I'd rather not gain more. So I have lots of motivation. I'd love the success. It's something I have to hide at times. I'm not a fit person. I hate exercise. Tried walking yesterday, and I'm miserably sore today. So I will be lazy and sit on the couch today, but there will be no brownies or cookies going to bed with me. That's sad. I love sweets.
     
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  8. Beth Gallagher

    Beth Gallagher Supreme Member
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    Good luck, Charlene. Changing our habits surely is hard to do.
     
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  9. Charlene Marolf

    Charlene Marolf Very Well-Known Member
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    Thank you Beth, that's very kind. You are right, habits are terribly hard to change.
     
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  10. Charlene Marolf

    Charlene Marolf Very Well-Known Member
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    i have survived two days in a row now, which I am proud of. Serena and I have been out walking, which is something I don't usually do. It's hot here, so walking is something that I don't enjoy in ordinary times, much less when it is terribly hot.

    Big plans are to go to the Y next week. I had just started when the pandemic started, so that was truly disappointing. It will be nice to be back, headphones attached, walking on a treadmill. I much prefer that to the walking trail.

    I found more quilts, digging in my craft closet and I'm excited to get to them. It's a shame they will go to waste when I am finished. I have done so many knitting and crochet projects in the past that I hate to attempt to push more projects at my children. There's really no one else to give them to. They might like them, put I think the grammie appeal is propably wearing thin lol. These will probably be much more involved than what I have done in the past. Oh well, at least I will enjoy the process. Maybe someday someone will want them.

    I'm listening to an audiobook I am enjoying every much. It's called "The House That We Grew Up In." I think it's about a girl dealing with her mother's death, and a house her and her family are left with, her mother being a hoarder. It flashes back to her younger life. I don't recall the author, although I want to say her name is Lisa Jewell. I like books that have a different sort of plot, and her books seem to. I read another book that she wrote, and liked it very much. I have tried to write myself, and have a manuscript, but it needs a lot of editing. I eventually gave up. I needed advice, wanted to do the work, but was clueless how to do it myself. So it sits in files in my computer. Maybe some day I will give it another shot. I'm not a bad writer, just bad at timelines and the bits that need added to a book that give it life.
     
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  11. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Senior Staff
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    I totally agree that the first few days are the worst when we are trying to change something that has become a habit, we almost automatically do it without even thinking about it.
    When I changed to a plant-based, whole food diet, I suddenly realized that almost everything I ate had some kind of fat in it, butter, mayonnaise, olive oil in my salads. Gradually, I am doing much better at having foods without salt and oils; but it was hard to make that change.
    I think that the walking and giving up bedtime snacks is something that you will be glad that you did, once you are past the first days of the change.
     
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  12. Charlene Marolf

    Charlene Marolf Very Well-Known Member
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    Yvonne, that must have been so hard to do! You are right, I still find myself looking for an ashtray sometimes, and I quit smoking a very long time ago.

    You have done a wonderful job changing your diet. I can't imagine giving up foods without salt. Oil would be hard, but I would really struggle with salt. I love salty foods, and that would be a tough one.

    The changes are hard, but I do believe it is rewarding. I have gotten through three days (although I'll admit it has been a huge struggle. I wake up wanting to sneak into the kitchen.) I've been tracking on a calendar, and I love crossing off the days.

    It's terribly hard for anyone though. I remember when I quit smoking. I actually cried, I wanted a cigarette so much. And I knew how terribly bad they are for you. How much everyone around me wanted me to quit. How nasty they smell. And I still wanted one. I'd probably have one right now, if I didn't know the consequences.
     
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  13. Charlene Marolf

    Charlene Marolf Very Well-Known Member
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    Day four was another victory.

    I have a headache. I had a doctor appointment today, and it was suggested that I have a cortisone shot because I have them so frequently. Oww. My neck feels better, but I don't think it helped my head.

    We got a futon today. It's mainly for the grandkids to use for watching tv and playing games in my ummm....I'll call it an all purpose room. I don't think the room has a name. It has computers, a tv, crafty stuff, and now a futon. The cat box is here, so it is a bathroom as well. Yup, I think it is an all purpose room.
     
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  14. Charlene Marolf

    Charlene Marolf Very Well-Known Member
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    I was happy with the Prime Deals. I am getting the Kindle Fire 10. I've had one forever, and it's the best purchase I've made on Amazon. It's time to replace it, I've had it for years. I'm getting a new case as well, though if there were any deals, I missed them. I'm being spoiled with one that has a pretty sunflower design.

    I read on Overdrive, as I can't hold anymore books in this house. I am in love with whoever invented it.
     
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  15. Charlene Marolf

    Charlene Marolf Very Well-Known Member
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    hello.

    me again. i was recently listening to an audiobook, and a woman in the book told of how she felt a part of her life where she had suffered should make her family safe would save them from further harm. It was strange to read that, because I always felt that way myself.

    we went through a lot, the boys and I. we were very poor. we had several families. moved a lot. I blame myself, due to the fact that I have been married several times.

    I discovered that past sadness doesn't guarantee you a thing, and it is indeed a shame. i've had people that are very good to me because of what has happened in what I consider my shattered life, but I still feel very cheated by what it has been.

    first, I suffered with a partner with a brain tumor. we fought the battle together. it took about a year. It was there, dormant. we knew that. but then we began to grow. I was there for all the hospital stays, scans, treatments. watched the strokes, the blindness, the loss of speech and use of limbs. my partner ended up sleeping most of the time, in a hospice bed. I had fits thrown in anger because the situation was my fault. i was there, right beside that bed, at the end.

    I lost a dear friend to alzheimers. She told me I was her best friend in the whole world.

    Ten months after my partner passed away, my middle son dropped dead. I raided three sons. I miss the middle guy horribly. I still love him. I know he loves me. I'll see him some day. Pfft. I can rarely visit his grave. It's about a sixteen hour drive. I really resent that.

    All those people, in about two years time.

    Then my mom died. I didn't like her, but I loved her very much. I miss her terribly. I have lots of stuff I want to tell her about. She shouldn't be gone.

    I think I'm having a bad day.
     
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