Two men went hunting. One had been hunting all his life, the other man was hunting for the first time. The old man told the other to sit down and not make a sound. So he did. But when the first man got 100 yards away, the old man heard a scream. 'I thought I told you to be quiet!', he said. 'I was when the snake bit me,' the young man said. 'And I was when the bear attacked me. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg and said, 'Should we eat or take them with us,' I screamed!'
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. “I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?” The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?” {Groan}