I was really looking forward to being a parent. I of course had lots of baby dolls and some that were life sized that I dressed and bathed and pretended to feed with bottles. I had Barbie and Ken dolls as well, but my favorites were two that looked like year old young babies. But then as I got older my childhood was not wonderful and I was not sure whether I would have the patience and temperment necessary to do the job right. However, as it turned out I was not able to have any children and so my decision had been in God's hands and not mine. Now that I am older and have no children I wish the outcome would have been different. Then I might have someone to care for me as I did for my mom, or at least have someone to visit me in the nursing home should I end up there some day. And maybe have the company and great conversations that my friends enjoy with their children. But regret is hindsight and so all I can do is take good care of me and be a part of my brothers families lives.
I don't recall thinking about it to be honest, I don't feel I was a natural born father, and drifted into it learning as I went along. I believe I was too self absorbed to be a really good father, I feel I would be a lot better now, and I am a good grandfather when I am with my grandchildren.
I definitely never dreamed of being a parent..never imagined what it would be like to have children of my own, never thought about it at all tbh..unlike my sisters, I never thought up names for my future children or planned how many I would have!!.
I think it is every normal girl's dream to be a mother someday. Unfortunately, I was not gifted with a child of my own and my husband doesn't agree to adoption. He said that maybe God made it this way because we might not be able to handle the stress of bringing up children that we might have separated. When I was 30, I had undergone the so called work up to revitalize my ovary in producing egg cells. But the side effect is the production of cyst in the ovary. On the first occurrence, the cyst burst and I was rushed to the hospital for severe abdominal pains. I underwent surgery for that. On the second try for a workup, it happened again but this time a laparoscopy (small incision) was done to clean up the ovary. And on the third time for a workup, my husband did not agree anymore. He was scared that I might end up on the operating table again.
I wanted children so badly that I physically had a hurt feeling inside when I would hear children call out to their moms, "mommy". I couldn't get pregnant for 5 years then I finally conceived but had a miscarriage. I was devastated and started taking a fertility pill. That wasn't working so we applied for adoption but were turned down because they said, "Since you're taking a fertility pill then we can assume you may conceive on your own as soon as you adopt a baby and end up with 2 babies and we don't do that". I was so sad but within weeks I conceived on my own. I then had 4 children each 2 years apart at the age of 30-36. Each was a difficult delivery beyond words but the gift that came afterwards made it all worthwhile.
That's a really sad story @Corie Henson , I'm so sorry you and your husband never managed to have a child of your own after expecting and hoping that one day you would be parents, and that you went through such pain and sorrow in your attempts to conceive... and sometimes I know it can sound trite... but God works in mysterious ways, and perhaps your husband is right in his assertions..and his protective instincts for you and your safety and wellbeing over-rode his paternal instincts .. . in his quest to keep you from further harm!
As a very little girl I think I wanted 6 kids. After I had my first one and the horrible labor I waited 5 years to have another. Then I had my tubes tied. I had my daughter and a son and although I love children I felt anymore Id be spreading myself thin and wanted to give the two I had quality and quantity time.
At first, I was downtrodden to think that I was almost infertile But eventually I had to agree with my husband because I realized that I might not be able to handle the stress. We had to earn money so we needed to work and what if we had a baby, how do we take care? When one of our dogs get sick, I'm already stressed out with the worrying. What if it was our baby who is sick? That thought somehow consoles me. Now we can enjoy our life with the comfort that we can buy - we have our own house with a housemaid of 2, new cars, trips abroad, what else? Maybe this is the good life I have been dreaming of.