Why Are People Mean?

Discussion in 'Philosophy & Psychology' started by Susan Paynter, Apr 12, 2022.

  1. Susan Paynter

    Susan Paynter Very Well-Known Member
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    I have experienced this behavior among near and dear, as well as the outside world. Being a person who tends to get hurt easily, (not saying i am a saint!) I simply fail to understand the human mind and their reactions to those who do not know how to speak back. In simple words, its called bullying or intolerance of other peoples views . I may be wrong, but this is my take on it.

    Wanting to get a better picture of the other persons thoughts i looked it up for some answers, this is what i found:

    11 Reasons to Explain Why People Are Mean and Rude

    They Have Poor Communication Skills

    They Hold Negative Feelings Towards You

    They Think It Makes Them More Powerful

    They Are Insecure and Put Others Down in Order to Feel Better Themselves

    They Had a Poor Upbringing

    They Are Snobs

    They're Having a Bad Day

    They Have Poor Emotional Regulation Skills and Get Frustrated Easily

    They Don't Care About Respecting Others

    They Have Poor Self-Awareness and Poor Social Awareness

    They Disagree With You Ideologically or Politically.
     
    #1
  2. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Supreme Member
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    They Think It Makes Them More Powerful

    They Are Insecure and Put Others Down in Order to Feel Better Themselves
     
    #2
  3. Teresa Levitt

    Teresa Levitt Veteran Member
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    my answer is...who knows?..we could write a whole book...it'd still be fiction ...
    keep on smiling !
     
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  4. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Supreme Member
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    Well, Susan, with all that's going on in America (cost of things rising, crime, drugs and protesting for one thing or another) as well as the war in the Ukraine, many folks are nearly as happy as they'd like to be.

    There are those that some would call "mean", but that's because they speak their mind and/or are very outgoing. If someone says "I don't care" (about whatever), there are those that will think the person is insensitive, whereas they are just stating a fact of how they feel. There are people that are overly sensitive and can't even take a joke. Then, there are those that will laugh their butts off at any joke.

    My wife handles my "joking around" very well, but her sister, who is 4 years older, doesn't know anyone that jokes around. Heck, her own younger brother won't even talk to her, because she is so sensitive when it comes to joking around. My wife's sister has even said to me "why do you have to be so mean", after I tell her "I don't care" about something. I will tell her "I'm not being mean, I'm just stating a fact". There are lots and lots of folks that either don't like "facts".

    Sometimes I will say, "welcome to 2022" when it comes to mean people. But, the word "mean" is in the eyes of the beholder and may not be necessarily true.
     
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  5. Susan Paynter

    Susan Paynter Very Well-Known Member
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    Shirley. Teresa Cody thanks for your responses. I suppose its a matter of being thick and thin skinned. For me, depending on my frame of mind at the time, i could let uncalled for remarks pass by without a whiff.
     
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  6. John Brunner

    John Brunner Senior Staff
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    #12-They have no substance and can neither refute your position nor support theirs with real data.
    #13-They're jerks.

    I'm the same way. But there are other times that a measured response is required. "Because they think they can get away with it" is a reason why I can't always let it slide. Honestly, most of when I encounter what you are talking about is from relatives. In those cases, there are several things on your list that apply. It's not often I see this behaviour in others.

    And I'm like you...I tend to be tuned into this kind of stuff. As I've gotten older, I've learned to confront it just so I don't carry the anger & resentment around (for too long.)
     
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  7. Thomas Stillhere

    Thomas Stillhere Very Well-Known Member
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    The bad people in the world pick on or target the weak, they see it as a sign of weakness if you are kind and caring. They act like they do thinking it makes others fear them when in fact they are probably the ones most afraid. I think in the 1800s this was not a problem since everyone was wearing a six shooter. Today the bad guys all have guns or six shooters and recent news might back that fact up. Politicians love it because they continue to attack our 2nd amendment when if you stop and think about it, life would be impossible here in the USA without a right to protect yourself and own fire arms. Just yesterday I listened to that half wit giving another slobbering speech and he said something to the effect that the 2nd amendment was about the right to hunt and feed your family ! ? Now this was a half wit speaking. The 2nd amendment was penned to guarantee all of us the right to protect ourselves from half wits just like him and others, it is not for hunting rabbits make no mistake about it. The country is divided now worse than it was when the civil war began, thanks to the idiots that were all brainwashed in schools we financed. People in a certain age group are the worst offenders, they have little respect for anyone outside of their own misguided group. Now, the good news is generations come and go so with all the suffering we see today might just produce some smarter people. At least for a generation or two..
     
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  8. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Supreme Member
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    Well, I still go by my post #4. The word "mean" to one person can be very different than it is to another person.
     
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  9. Susan Paynter

    Susan Paynter Very Well-Known Member
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    The hurt and lack of transparency among relatives, in my case, goes back years. One can expect and accept this behavior from an unknown, but from your own, its unbelievable.
     
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  10. John Brunner

    John Brunner Senior Staff
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    Oh, yeah.

    My father had a brother who was nasty, freeloading and thieving. The guy's kids were the same way. When they would visit from out of town, we'd have to go through their luggage before they pulled out of the driveway to retrieve our belongings they had stolen. Our system wasn't much better. I have siblings who are like that ("It's not stealing...we're family.") I suspect the lineage of "people are mere objects" goes waaaay back on both sides, sprinkled with some who say "I will never be like that" and who try to cobble together normalcy, to the extent they can protect it.

    The cover of "family" and the connotations people feel when they hear the common nouns--brother, sister, mother, father--along with "protect the system" collusion [within and without] provides cover for the most insidious behaviour. Most people want to deny that "from your own" happens (especially when they are subject to it), so are happy to collude in the lie for their own peace of mind.
     
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  11. Jake Smith

    Jake Smith Very Well-Known Member
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    I bet the number of reasons is too high to count, there are so many. Resentment, jealousy, raised wrong, abused, unhappy, and wants others to be too, etc. Who knows you just have to pick one and move on, I guess. "Narcist" is one a lot of people like to use, psychotic, and miserable, and you never know what's happening in their life, to make them mean. :)
     
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    Last edited: Jan 21, 2023
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  12. Beth Gallagher

    Beth Gallagher Supreme Member
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    And then there's the possibility that they aren't "mean" at all, but that the person who feels slighted has misunderstood. Some people are straightforward, terse, direct, etc. which can be misinterpreted as "mean."
     
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  13. Faye Fox

    Faye Fox Veteran Member
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    Also, one that disagrees with an easily offended person may be called mean. It is getting worse in todays world. I am considered mean because I believe in awarding the ones that have earned it, rather than giving everyone an award just for breathing air.
     
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  14. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Senior Staff
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    Often, it's a matter of perspective, I think. I know that I've been accused of being mean sometimes when I hadn't intended to be mean. Perhaps I just answered a question thinking that they wanted a real answer when they didn't, or my choices were standing up for something that is important to me or surrendering my values so as not to appear to be mean. There are situations where it is perfectly reasonable to be demanding, but that is often interpreted as being mean.

    When I was the chairman of the EMT department at a Texas college, I made a point of being very demanding during the first couple of weeks of a program. I would lose about a third of my class, and I'm sure that many of them thought that I was being mean or unreasonable. In reality, I had simply learned that if someone wasn't willing to put in the work, the results wouldn't be what I needed them to be, or if they were incapable of keeping up the demanding schedule, they'd end up dropping out of the program at some point anyhow, so I was trying to weed them out while they still had a chance to transfer to another program. If they stayed, they either wouldn't pass and if they passed, they wouldn't be reliable EMTs or paramedics.
     
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