It seems that Percevil hypnotized the guards with his coin tossing. They stood there in a daze as Percevil pulled Richie onto his horse and rode away. He flung a handful of silver coins behind them to keep them busy for a while. They returned to their homes to try to come up with a better plan to make Princess Mazie laugh. Meanwhile there was a boy in the village who was called Foolish John. He and his mother were very poor. One day she said to him, “John, the farmer has hired you to help him on the farm. So the next day, Foolish John worked for the farmer. At the end of the day, Farmer gave John a dozen eggs as his pay. John put the eggs in his folded arms and ran home to show his mother. As he ran, the eggs bounced and they broke. He ran by the castle with the eggs running down to his knees. Princess Mazie looked but she didn’t laugh. She didn’t even smile. When John got home, his mother said, “Foolish John, you should have put the eggs in your hat and carried it in your hands.”
Actually, they were just copper coins painted silver, an old trick. Percy took Richie to a good Inn in a nearby town paying for food, drinks and lodging for me and Richie, boy, dog and nag. My boy Roger took care of my nag and dog. Later my boy snuck up to my 2 rooms with the dog and slept together on a small cot. Richie and I were still plotting and scheming till late. I admired his bravado. Richie and I exchanged stories and talked long into the night about how to make Princess Mazie laugh. 'How about tickling her with a feather? Maybe a twin act? Maybe a monkey? Maybe some dancing dogs? ....' long into the evening. I think we finished with a bottle of fine wine, I don't remember but the Landlord had it on my bill of 3 gold pieces and 7 silver. Richie woke cradling the empty bottle of fine wine. Roger brought up 2 hot greasy breakfasts and piping hot tea. I gave the rinds to my dog who licked clean my fingers while Richie turned green and needed the night pot to throw up in. Roger and I laughed at that! I mixed some zesty herbs into his tea which picked him up nicely, and him into his greasy breakfast with my dog Kep looking hopefully at him. 'he wants your rinds Richie.' I said whilst dressing and washing face and hands, with scented soap. 'You too' I said to Richie, 'and lets go out and get you some decent clothes if we are to humour the Princess Maize.'
Roger also laughed as he told me the tale of the eggyoked boy running from the Palace gates. "What next?" I said but Richie fell asleep again snoring into his tea? " Here's another platinum bit for expenses Roger. So let us calculate the balance together, Good boy, that's correct. What's 3468 divided by 17. Well done, it is 204! Now what is the square of ... how do you spell a synonym of ' fru...? Just normal chatter with my apprentice, and possibly a nephew? I taught him well on the art of tea making. I'm serious! It matters. 'Well, the yoke was on him, the self egg-yoked boy! We can cross that one off our list. Did you follow him to his home Roger?, 'Yes Uncle, I did', said Roger. "Good Boy" I smiled flicking him a precious platinum piece. He knows I know the balances of Arithmetic better than any. Many fear my spells of probability. I whistled my old dog Kep to wake up Richie again with more face licks! Tongue in his ears, nostrils and mouth, and.. that's usually enough. I know.
Richie had an . He rented a sad clown suit, put it on and went clopping clopping by Princes Mazie's window in his big clown shoes. He stopped in front of her window and offered her a rose. She took the rose but she didn't smile. She didn't even say thank you.
I could not have showed Mazie a sadder face, said a despondent Richie. How prey tell was that going to make her smile. Another failure Percival. How did your monkey act go?
This Ukraine invasion by Russia has been taking up much of my posting time. How about these brave Ukranians.. holding back the might of the little dictator's army. He is appearing more and more unhinged. We need his Kremlin lackeys to remove him from power before he pulls the nuke switch and obliterates our planet. Failing that the CIA needs to neutralize him.
Meanwhile back at the farm, Foolish John had worked hard all day. At the end of the day, the Farmer gave John a piglet as his pay. He remembered that his Mother told him to put the eggs in his hat and carry them home that way. So he put the piglet in his hat and ran home to show his Mother. Just as he ran by the castle, the piglet wiggled and squiggled and jumped out of his hat. John ran after the piglet. Then some of the townspeople ran after it with him. Princess Mazie watched but she didn’t laugh. When Foolish John got home, his Mother sighed and said, “Foolish John, you should have tied a rope around the piglet’s neck and led him home.”
I had a dream a while ago I only just remembered. A Black, grey and white world with two baffooning and ludicrous characters, few words, but exquisite body language. I get Richie and the team on task with brain storming, and practising our routines for free before the Tavern's patrons. Stan and Ollie were my dream names. They loved us, the Inn's crowd and by week's end numbers were crushing at the doors. Landlord Ferguson was so happy with our crowd drawing he forgave us all costs for our lodging, feed, stabling, Drinks, meals. laundry,... Still we kept at it fine tunning and culling. By Saturn's night, our host was 4 silvers just to enter. I had prancing Monkeys and dancing toy Dogs; Richie and I had a finely tuned rountine as Stan and Ollie dressed plainly only, and speaking rarely And funny spoken poems by my Nephew boy Roger. He asked and I bought him a comical costume of an Imp, even a little red painted wooden pitchfork. Also, my savy little nephew Roger had contacted and befriended the Egg Yoke boy, and drew him into our narrative with Roger hiring him as I allow him. Piglet, eggs, ......"one gold coin per day" gasped his Mother.....'Yes'... said Roger.
Percival chances are this being Fairyland, Princess Maizie has not heard of Laurel and Hardy. Do you think if we performed out routine before her she will smile and we will become instant wealthy land owners. But which of us wins her hand in marriage. I tell you what you can have her hand and I will have the rest.
Princess Mazie heard about the fabulous show the boys had put together. She pleaded with her Father to let her go see the acts. At first, he said no because the virus was still around. But she said, “But, Daddy, I’m so sad. I can’t remember the last time I smiled or laughed. Please, can I go?” Finally, he said, “Well, you can go but you must wear a mask and stay 6 feet away from other people.” So, the next night, Princess Mazie put on her Ruby Red Slippers, her best shirt and pants and went to the Inn.
Pervival being built similar to the proverbial match with wood scrapped off it was to play Laurel and the more rotund Richie was Hardy. By 8pm after the two would be Princess' suitors had dressed in funny clothes and applied their makeup they headed to the inn which was only a short carriage ride away.
A red carpet was laid down for Princess Maize with a special cordoned off area for her and her entourage. The best of chairs and small tables of fancy treats and drinks. Princess Maize had her own table with a silver tray on it. It was tested clean no doubt by scryers. Earlier, Percy told Richie he would not want any reward, except to see the young Princess smile. Also, Maize's hand should not be freely given by but her ownself, and not have an older man like me forced upon her.... I'm old enough to be her Father! said Percy. I'm not worthy nor interested on many levels. I have enough family with just my nephew Roger who is a very smart nephew apprentice boy. I pledged to teach him; I've even taught him a few simple spells already. He handles Horses so very well. As for any monetary reward, I'd be happy with a small portion only. You need it more than me Richie. I'm fine money wise. Honest. Spend your wealth wisely if we are to succeed Richie, I wish you well and say, follow your gut. Not your head. Be Charitable. We even put together a small orchestra and had our dancing monkey prancing around waving a baton pretending to be the musicians conductor. They need paying too of course. Nuts for the monkey. I opened the show as co compere with Richie making introductions of all the fine folk, especially to Princess Maize to whom went out a raucous cheer of Approval and Adoration from the citizenry ...and nobles. As always, I did a number of my boom boom jokes with Richie, like 'my dog has no nose. How does it smell asked Richie? Terrible I said! Why don't you wash it, said Richie. You're so dogmatic I said. First act was the 3 dancing dogs with the mad monkey jumping onto the stage still wildly waving his conductor's baton, and the band played on. Out came the dog's trainer Carmel with flaming hoops and tricks, all with the monkey climbing the walls, and still conducting his band. Silence Then out came little old skinny me in a suit and tails, a shiny top hat and a small cane that seemed to shink into a magicians wand as I twirled it. Large and Rotund Richie came out behind me as my Assistant, huge and over dressed as my female assistant. The shiny pink tu-tu, her/ his towering red wig, the overdone make up, her silver wings ....and the big tough glass boots. A simple trick. The crowd roared in laughter when they saw Richie. I do know a little magic like most folk in Fairy Land do, my speciality is through my dreaming travels, and a few other minor things, like making Fairy Princess 240lb Richie disappear into my hat. More trick than magic that one. Smoke and mirrors mainly. Then, changing stage screens, Richie and I played our two grey suited buffoons Laurel and Hardy. A feast of their best acts and other similar classics, like the dreams I had about the Goons. I have much material just from sleeping. It's my gift. The boys Roger and his friend foolish John helped out with our magic props and jokes, and with lots of other jobs too. They even had their own little act coming up involving swapping and playing out the personalities behind various masks, .... my gut said yes even tho I just had fuzzy dreams lately. It all went perfectly until,...
The dancing monkey leaped off the stage and scampered down the back of Princess Maize's loose shirt. She commenced to jumping around trying to get him out. She knocked over her table and the silver tray went clanging across the floor. This scared the dancing dogs and they started running around and barking like crazy. They knocked all the band instruments awry. The musicians screamed, “Catch those dogs!” It was pandelerium! Then the flaming hoops caught the inn on fire. Everybody ran for their lives…………………… except Foolish John. When he saw that Princess Maisie needed help, he ran to her, grabbed her and the monkey and fled the building. Soon everybody was safe outside but the inn was a total loss. Princess Maize threw her arms around Foolish John and said, “Oh, John, you’re my hero! Will you marry me?” The king had a fine new inn built for the innkeeper. Princess Maize and Handsome John started planning for a huge wedding. Maybe the guys should go on the road with their act. We could wind up on Broadway!
What a wonderful and fortuitous ending Richie. Princess Maize found her smile in a hero who saved her. I wished them a long and happy life and they both smiled. The King gave 2000 gold pieces to Richie and I for our efforts. I only took 500 gp and let Richie take the balance of 1500gp. I gave Roger my nephew 100gp and offered Richie a part partnership in my comedy acts. He accepted and in the following years Richie, Roger and I became famous and we made pots of money. A very happy ending indeed.