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Discussion in 'Holidays & Traditions' started by Babs Hunt, Nov 15, 2017.
Well you could always start your own tread about that and find out Cody.
But, you talk about it like if it doesn’t happen, you will be disappointed. You sound very, very serious about him stopping smoking.
But, if he doesn’t “oh well” right?
Cody, I would like my husband to quit smoking there is no doubt about that. At the same time I realize I have no control over this decision...it has to be his. There are even times his not trying to quit is very frustrating to me and I "vent" about it...and sometimes I can even "bitch" about it. But it doesn't change the fact that I can not make this decision for him. Asking and telling him I would like him to quit I can do...but he is the one that has to decide whether he will quit or not.
I'm not going to waste my time, energy, or peace of mind trying to make someone do something only they can decide to do. So if you want to take that as "if he doesn't 'oh well' then go right ahead.
Whether he quits or not is not going to change my love or him one bit...not now...not ever!
Well, the saying “love does mysterious things” is true. Many people say love should be unconditional, but “unconditional love” has it’s own problems.
So, if he refuses to stop, will you stop asking him to? That is a good question.
Yes, I will. But I won't stop praying about it.
Are you related to my husband Bobby ?..or is it just a man thing generally?...Mine never wants anything...he hates the whole idea of getting presents ..and if I do buy him something that I know he would like, I have to be careful not to wrap it up , and not to give it on Christmas day.. he's happier receiving it on any day other than Christmas day..
Overall tho' he'd rather not receive anything... he never asks for anything at all
We have stopped doing big gifts and stick with a few small items just so there is something under the tree. This year we are not even putting up a tree as all is in strorage so we talked about buying one item or two for the trailer in the spring. He is thinking dart board and I am thinking croquet set. Something we can enjoy with our new friends.
@Holly Saunders I wonder if there is an emotional reason behind this for your husband...or if he just doesn't like the idea that someone made it a "rule" that you have to give gifts on Christmas, or that Christmas has become so commercialized, etc?
The reason I say that is because my husband's daughter at around 34 years old "rebelled" and told everyone that she would not give cards on Birthdays, etc. "just because Hallmark or Society said we have to do this!" ....it really hurt my husband that he did not receive anymore cards that expressed her feelings about him on his Birthday.
I told him that I thought he should write her a letter and tell her how much those cards that expressed her love for her dad meant to him and that he didn't care what Hallmark or Society said...he just cared that she showed him she cared by sending those cards that expressed her love for him. I told him he might tell her that she didn't have to buy a card...she could make him one and write in it what was in her heart. He sent that letter to her saying most of these things and much more that was in his heart....and after that she called him and told him she was so sorry that she had stopped doing something that meant so much to him personally. The cards come regularly again along with more phone calls keeping in touch with her dad and letting her know by cards and orally how much she does love and appreciate her dad. These cards, etc. are cherished memories for him.
It’s not a “man thing”, Holly. I’m totally the opposite.
Great that your husband wrote the letter and she replied so positively.
Sure am glad that there are still people in this world, like his daughter, who respects his feelings.
More than respecting his feelings...she loves her dad and honestly did not realize by rebelling against the "establishment"...she would be taking away those "expressions of love" that mean so much to her dad.
It's really hard for each of us to know what is in our hearts...our wants, our needs, our feelings about things...unless we tell each other about these things. With all the ways to communicate these days, there are so many people that are really just "talking at" each other, instead of "talking to" each other. Many people have a more intimate relationship with their Smart phones, etc. than the people they care about.
Meant to say much as my husband never asks for anything..and always says he doesn't need anything when I ask him what he would like.. I have a passion for buying my family gifts..it' a throwback to my childhood where I got very little if anything, so I love to Give at Christmas.. so I always buy him something..although I've learned not to wrap it or give it on the actual day...and he's learned that it's important to me to give, so unlike the first few years we were married when he would actually get angry...he's come to realise it's important to me to give..and accepts with good grace...
That said..he will buy ME anything I want if I ask...he'd prefer not to have to wrap it ..he'd rather just hand it to me... but he'll do it on Chritmas day for me.. and so I accept it happily unwrapped, large or small, little value or expensive it matters not to me it's just the thought that counts for me..
..and Babs..I have no idea why he's like it..he's sitting a few feet away from me now watching TV, and I could ask, but I think tbh..he just hates the whole commercialism of it all.....
I'm pleased your step -daughter realised how important it is to her dad that she shows he's important to her in the way he wants her to express it...
My daughter is very similar with card sending (and I no longer send cards except to close family and friends) but she always sends a card to me that she has specially designed just for me...that means a lot ...but she's not good at buying or giving gifts... she'd rather just send money and tell me to buy something for myself ..I understand she's busy etc..but she's my only child, and I wish sometimes she would put more thought into a gift..I'd rather a small gift than a bunch of money..if she's taken time to choose something just for mum..
I had to laugh @Cody Fousnaugh at your mention of a Vacuum cleaner for a gift...I understand it totally, because I'm practical like that myself.... but your comment brought back memories of when I was a child. I was probably only about11 and I'd managed to save some tiny amount of money..and for the first time I was going to be able to buy my mum something for Christmas.. so with my few pennies I hunted for a gift and found a little ornament I thought she'd love, to sit on the Mantle next to where she sat . I was excited to give it to her ...and when she unwrapped it, she said ''thank you, but don't ever buy me some thing like that again..that's a present for the house not for me''...I was crushed. I never made that mistake again...
Well, apparently, from reading different replies, a lot of us have different feeling about “gift giving/receiving” and Christmas. Seems that most of you don’t do as much as we do, when it comes to gifts and decorating.
My wife loves decorating for Christmas and Halloween. Not overdoing it, but enough.
When it comes to Christmas gifts, we pretty much know what we are getting from each other, because we always shop together. We always say “we’re not going to spend that much”, but only one Christmas, since we’ve been married, that has happened. What can I say, the lady makes a descent salary along with both of us getting our SS. Not bragging, just lucky, I guess.
Christmas is the only time we go “all out” (it seems) for gifts for each other. Doing a “diamonds transfer” of her current, and old, wedding set, cost us nearly $700. We waited 5 years to do it and decided to make it a Christmas gift to her this year.
Anyway, different families handle Christmas and gift giving/receiving differently than others. Some have the money to buy. Some have the money, but buy very little-to-nothing. Then, there are those, a lot of them on “fixed incomes” (Seniors) that simply can’t afford much-to-anything for Christmas. When wife fully retires, and we move, most likely we will be in that category.