Joke Of The Day

I am a similar age and have been married almost that long.. where is my free cruise?

 

I called the doctor "My wife is going into labour! What should I do?"

"Is this her first child?" he asked.

"No, this is her husband."

 

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles,drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

 

Woman to her husband while making love. "Please say dirty things to me!"

Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."

 

I'm sure he will be alright when the swelling goes down.

 

Yeh ooouch. "Heres a sheet go and sleep in the spare room buster".

 

And well deserved, too.

 

My wife’s cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.

 

A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

 

Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm. And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. It’s been a month now and she’s still not speaking to me!

 

What is the worst combination of two sicknesses?
Diarrhea and Alzheimers. You’re running, but you don’t know where.