God Moved To FBI Watch List After Pro-Life Comments Surface World · Oct 6, 2022 · BabylonBee.com WORLD — The Federal Bureau of Investigation has placed God on its watch list after discovering a troubling history of extreme pro-life comments. "We believe this 'God' character to be the ringleader of a worldwide network of dangerous anti-choice extremists," said Attorney General Merrick Garland. "We suspect he is extremely dangerous, and we urge anyone with knowledge as to his whereabouts to contact the FBI immediately."
'God Will Never Give You More Than You Can Handle In Life,' Says Man Unfamiliar With God, Life CLEVELAND, OH — Local man Vincent Palmer revealed his total unfamiliarity with life or God today, as he assured a suffering friend that God would never give him more than he could handle... Read more
Pfizer Insists They Did Test The Vaccine, On Over 5 Billion People World · Oct 13, 2022 · BabylonBee.com BRUSSELS — Despite the uproar caused by revelations at a European Union hearing that the pharmaceutical giant rushed the COVID-19 vaccine out into use without testing it for preventing transmission, Pfizer executives were quick to backtrack and point out that they did, in fact, test the vaccine — on over five billion people. "While there were no widespread, controlled tests of the vaccine in the clinical sense, to say we didn't have any guinea pigs to try our vaccine on wouldn't be the truth," said Janine Small, Pfizer's president of international developed markets said at the hearing. "We didn't really know what would happen when we shot human beings up with this stuff, so we decided to test it in the most widespread way possible — by injecting it into over five billion people."
The crazy part is that the first line of this story in the article body (my emphasis) is what she really said. If anyone can explain the connection between having children and the price of gas I'd like to hear it. This woman is a debit to her race and a complete clown. Stacey Abrams Explains You Can Get Your Bills Down To $0 By Killing Yourself U.S. · Oct 20, 2022 · BabylonBee.com ATHENS, GA – Georgia gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams shocked Americans this week when she insisted we need abortion because "having children is why you're worried about the price of gas." She later followed up her comments by reminding everyone they can reduce their bills to zero by just killing themselves. "As it turns out, not being alive anymore solves almost all economic problems," said Abrams on Morning Joe. "And if there are fewer people alive, that means fewer mouths to feed and fewer problems in general! I'm very compassionate!"