My wife goes out 3 evenings a week with her driving instructor.I wouldn't mind but she passed her driving test in 2018.
If we are made up of atoms, then a scientist studying atoms is actually a group of atoms studying themselves. Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
If you took out all of your arteries and veins and laid them end to end... Spoiler: CLICK HERE you would die
An 18 year old girl tells her mother she missed her period for two months. The mother buys a test kit that shows her daughter is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who is the pig that did this to you?" The girl picks up the phone & makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari parks in front of the house. A middle-aged man gets out. He's impeccably dressed in a designer suit. He enters the house & sits down with the mother & father. He says, "Good morning. Your daughter has informed me of the situation. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. If a girl is born, I'll bequeath her a townhouse, a vacation home, a business of her choice & a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories & a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a couple of factories & $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" The father places his hand on the man's shoulder & says, "I suggest you try again."
It took me a while to fully get this one. What's the difference between God and a doctor? God doesn't believe he's a doctor.
A husband and wife were walking down a high street when the wife spots a beautiful diamond necklace in a jewelry store window. She urges her husband to go inside so that she can take a look at it. Although she wants it, he simply, doesn't have to buy it for her, but he promises that it'll be hers one day. A month passes, and the wife is at home wondering where on earth her husband is. She angrily calls his cell phone. "Where the hell are you?" she asks. "Darling, you remember that jewelry store where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it, and I didn't have money that time, and I said 'Baby it'll be yours one day'?" "Yeah, I remember that my love!" she replies, smiling and blushing profusely as she does. "I'm in the bar just next to that shop.
A woman tries getting on a bus, but realizes her skirt is too tight. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, but only to discover that she couldn't. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind herself to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. After becoming quite frustrated and embarrassed, she once again attempted to unzip her skirt a bit more in order to allow more leg room to get on the first step of the bus. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan removed his hat smiled and drawled "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you.. But.. After you unzipped my fly three times I kinda figured we were best of friends.
You've completely ruined my appetite for cheesecake or for cheese of any kind. I'm wondering what micecake might taste like. Obviously one mouse would only make a kind of mouse tart. By calling it a mouse tart I'm not trying to criticize the little mousies's sexual proclivities.