I'm not sure where you're going with this, @Joe Smith, but thanks for posting it. Would you like to extrapolate? While I am very happy that I finally married, and hope that I won't have to face life without her, I didn't marry until I was forty-eight, and I don't think I married because of loneliness. I think that I could find things to do; as it is, I don't have time to do half the stuff I'd like to be doing.
Hey Joe and welcome to the forum. Are you feeling lonely or is this just a discussion topic? I suppose with the stupid Covid mess a lot of people are feeling a bit isolated. At any rate, stick around the forum and hang out with us for a while.
As a young guy, I never really felt lonely. I kept very busy, had a fairly large social circle. In my teens, I started becoming more of a loner. My lifestyle, which still holds today, locked in: I had one girlfriend I went out with/lived with, and dealt with my business contacts in a somewhat aloof, but effective, manner. When I went through a two week separation, a few years ago, and tried playing the dating game with seven women in ten days, yeah, I realized what loneliness was all about: Not feeling connected to anyone is not a great feeling. Even with staying busy, I still felt pretty lonely. I was happy to get back with my woman. I did make a vow to myself, though, that if I ever became a solo act, again, I'd stay that way until I was no longer in this life: The loneliness of being with women i had little in common with was worse than what I felt being at home, alone.
I like my solitude due to the circumstances I was raised in. Being around people is an interesting thing for me. It can be energizing to a point, and it can be draining. Perhaps the times I find it energizing is because I don't have a steady diet of it. Or perhaps it depends on the nature of the connection. Sometimes I wonder if I really enjoy the solitude, or if it's only comfortable due to its familiarity. Everything has a cost (being alone or being with somebody/somebodies.) I see long-time married couples so overtly sick of each other one day, then seemingly "normal" the next (and that's those couple who are fortunate enough to get a break from the "sick of you" state of being.) At best, I usually see resigned complacency. So hang around and chat. One thing is for certain: if we're here commenting, we're generally not tearing ourselves away from life-altering conversations in order to do so. At least I'm not. I can't speak for others.
Kinda sorta like you, we separated for a bit and although I didn’t date I can relate to what you’re writing, Yes, I got lonely but that wasn’t the kind of lonely I feel when I’m surrounded by people. A lot of folks like that but I’m a mental isolationist and I’m most comfortable with either someone (like my wife) whom I am so vividly and vibrantly connected with or simply by myself. If it wasn’t for Yvonne, I’d probably be a total hermit between whatever else I have to do.
For some it's more an acquired/chosen path than circumstantial. In this day and age, loneliness is a universal syndrome. Living in large families people are still lonely, people in relationships are lonely. Wonder why? In most cases, one has to keep their fears, thoughts, feelings to themselves, some things just cannot be expressed as people are not open to communication if it does not go their way. No name forums are helpful, unfortunately, some people simply cannot stay anonymous as modern technology haunts them down, one way or another. Some people choose the way they want it, but the forces of the world want it their way. Have you heard the expression walls have ears, some have to simply express their thoughts aloud and it is out there, circulating.
There are those that are relationship and marriage minded, as wife and I both are. We've both been married twice before, but to both of us, our marriage is the very best we've had. It was single/divorced for 22 years and absolutely hated being single. Fortunately, wasn't really lonely, because I wound up with an outgoing personality. But, until I met my wife, the different ladies I met, had really no intention of a serious relationship, let alone marriage. Some, I was extremely glad they didn't have either feelings and was very glad to end the relationship. From what I remember, none of them had the same interests I did. "You have a rodeo to go to, you and your horse go and I'll go out with my girlfriends." After I got that statement, it was "goodbye" from me. Marriage is a great thing, but that can definitely depend on who a person marries. If the person has some habits that the other person doesn't really like, either the person has to change those habits or there will be problems in the future. I don't see where a person has to just "accept" bad habits of another person.
I'm pretty much a loner, so seldom do I feel lonely. My illness makes me feel somewhat isolated, but that's a whole 'nuther ballgame. Of course I'm married to my BFF and we understand each other, which helps. I think the internet keeps many people from feeling lonely. It's nice to have a group of familiar characters to interact with, and when you've had enough of that, you can shut down the computer and make them go away.
I can't remember ever being truly lonely. I enjoy the company of other people but I also enjoy my own company.
Yeah, I remember the song and though it was a nice song I really couldn’t relate to it. Whenever we hit head camp, everyone else would flock to the beer shack or group up and play cards or hit the bomityboms. (little group of shacks with a lot of hookers). Not I. My ration card had 5 cases of beer a month on it and I used it. Generally, I went to my chopper on the flight line and sat on the deck and enjoyed being alone. Me, the Vietnam sky and my beer and sometimes, a joint or two or three............. Yeah, at one time I was a baddddd boy.