Good Grief, I never meant to go on like that. I know too well there are always two side of a story, mine and my sisters in this case. I do appreciate so much everyone's feedback, because it's all true, I allowed myself into that situation, and many others in my life. I am truly glad I could finally get my SS and have my own home/apt. My sister always said I was so bravea/gutsy to go off on my own since I was 18, traveled from town to town, man to man, but never very long with anyone or anywhere. So that's probably more information about Denise than anyone would care to hear, LOL! I am a lot like my dad, a wanderer, and my mom was the same way. I didn't have any idea what life was really going to be like, but I was after it, whatever I found on down the road. Hugs all, I'm feeling better just being able to talk about it all. I really feel this later life is better than I've ever had, and I actually look forward each day when I wake up, and can't wait for my "fancy cuppa" and get online for a bit, do my exercise routine, shower, breakfast, errands/chores. I have a better life now than I ever had before
I had my dinner and felt much more calm, and relaxed but it crossed my mind that this thread wasn't really about me being hurt by my sister, but about her hurting herself. I don't think I'm lying when I say that, I've felt very angry at her many times, and some was hurt feelings, but so much was me being frustrated because I couldn't control what she was doing to herself. I was washing my dishes after dinner, and realized how much I am hurting for her mad at her. She's been in the hospital twice in the last 2 months and called me to let me know, and she sounded so near death. She said it was pneumonia, and I could tell she could hardly breath. She said she just wanted to hear my voice. She also has lost sight in her right eye, she can no longer drive, her decision, and she lost her sight after a failed operation to remove cataract. I don't know everything about it all, just what she is willing to tell me. I can be too critical of her I know, so this is as much my fault as hers. I just have to tell you all that because my sister doesn't deserve to be looked at for her short-comings when mine have always pained others in my family. I guess you are all smart enough to know about that 2-sides to a story I mentioned earlier. I really don't want my sister to die, because even though our relationship has been so rocky, she's the only one that thinks of me on my birthday, Christmas, and if I don't call or write, she always worries. I just needed you all to know that. I guess I look to her as much as she looks to me. She and I are just so different, and now it's getting worse because of this thing I do totally believe is dementia. Anyway I had to share this, and going to take it easy rest of evening. It's staying light later already, the years just fly by now, I'm sure everyone feels the same here, hugs, and prayers to all, Denise
@Denise Evans - quote-I can be too critical of her I know, so this is as much my fault as hers. Your still blaming yourself - Stop it. Your sister had mucho problems before she became mentally unstable.She sounds like a sociopath to me. You need to take care of you. You can listen to her, sympathize and that is it , no money, no helping out etc. Toxic people create toxic problems for others. Please do not let her or any other person,even family bring you down. Just bask in the life you have created for yourself, and enjoy,
I may be toxic to her as well though. I try to do things that are too much for me, so no, I am no longer taking all the blame, but I truly believe I have to own what is my part Hedi. I'm doing much better about the whole situation already, I need to take care of me, yes, but I can't blame it all on other people. It has so much to do with my choices I make Denise
I worry about my sister too, but then I have since she was born when I was 16. Didn't have too much time to just worry for her, mama had 2 kids in 1966, sister born in January and brother born in December. I was the oldest. Jan of next year I ran away, I dropped by bag out upstairs window, it landed right next next to the window where mama was sitting., she told me "You're jumping from the frying pan into the fire", boy was that an understatement. I ran away and eloped. I had to let go of her , you can't help people on pain drugs. We still talk now and then.
I did the same thing except my mom had taken off with another guy, and I wasn't going to stay with her "old" guy. I actually haven't had a horrific life at all, I mean I have lots of good memories of my travels, except my main regret of leaving my first love. Oh well, don't want to look back