I married at 19 and had a very strict father so I was a good girl and then I got married and had my daughter 10 months later so no time to have fun at all.
Oh I'm sorry you didn't have fun during those times Chrissy...the only times I didn't enjoy in the seasons of my life was when others intentionally hurt me...and there was enough of those times to show me I was much stronger than I thought I was.
Yes, @Tim Burr put it much better than I. That’s what I meant when I said I was still basically the same as when I was 10, before the heavy roles settled in. I was happy go lucky a few times in my life, but I think I was always a studious and serious child. So I don’t think the happenings of my life really changed me much. I’ve felt my Creator inside since I was around six, and although my mind wandered, my soul still has it’s connection. So things are getting better for me.
I have always been a quiet and contemplative person...an introvert who walked to the beat of a different drum and never had a problem with who I was. I still don't have a problem with this except when other people don't accept me for who I am... Looking back I see that I have always been a "people pleaser" and would do whatever it took whether drinking to make me more of an extrovert or just "playing a role" to please them...even at the cost of giving up me. I was willing to settle for their approval then...but I'm not anymore...not since I was in an abusive relationship and marriage that finally "buried" every thing I knew about "me." I look around me now days and see how easy it seems for everyone to be theirselves without any regard to anyone else's feelings, etc. and I realize that no matter what season it may be for others..for me it is my "season" to find me again...the me that existed before I had to put her aside for other seasons and responsibilities in my life. I came into this world being me....and I'm going to leave this world that way too.
Me, let's see.........during the years I was divorced, I really, and I do mean REALLY, hated being single and definitely wanted a lady in "my space". I have never been the single type of person and was so, so glad to meet a gal, my wife, that wanted the same thing I wanted........marriage. For the entire time I've been with my wife, I've been extremely happy. Yes, there have been times of arguments, but basically, it's been happiness all the way. We think a lot of the same way and definitely do a lot together. She took care of me thru three surgeries and I took care of her thru one. When I hurt my foot last year, she was right there to help me in whatever way I needed it. We take care of each other thru sickness as well. She is extremely happy that I don't smoke and that I'm a Christian man. I've done a number of things in my life. Some, very proud of and others, well, we won't go there (LOL). Now, at 68 years old, there are things I can no longer due, and do miss those things, but do understand why I can no longer do those things. Bottom Line: A lot of folks see me as a funny, outgoing guy and I like that. Where some guys my age definitely look the age, as long as I keep using Just For Men Hair Color on my mustache and temples and sometimes act much younger than I am, I'll keep saying "thank you" to those that have a very hard time believing my age. I mean, who would think that a 68 year old man would dress up in a famous costume and have fun. Then again, there are guys out there my age that dress up as Santa, greet kids and have a ball doing it. For me, my life is as great as I could ever want it, but throw in a few hundred-thousand dollars each year and have my wife retired, it would be better.
@Babs Hunt, it is a good thing that you are trying to ask yourself these questions, and at this time in your life. I so wish I had had the insight to ask all these questions before I waited until I let myself find myself in a position that I had no control of. But when I even tried to think on these lines, I felt guilty, selfish even, but I think under it all was fear, and I let this fear hinder me.
I truly understand what you have said @Ina I. Wonder as one of the reasons I have not been posting lately is because I was holding all this stuff in because I felt guilty, selfish, etc. for feeling this way. I think Nurturers and People pleasers often feel these things...and even if you don't consider yourself one of these...just putting ourselves first when we are so used to putting everyone else first...can be a really hard thing to do. But even Jesus in the New Testament said that we are to love others as we love ourselves. And how can we really love others if we don't even know how to love ourselves? So many of us give everything we have to those we love that we end up getting sick and have nothing left for us. Just like with everything else in life...there's needs to be a balance. In fact we can be pretty sure if we are feeling guilty, etc. it is usually a sure sign that we are neglecting ourselves in order to help everyone with their needs. A balanced relationship will not always be 50/50 but it will be one in which you feel your needs are being met in proportion to the ones whose needs you are helping to meet. Finding yourself before you find someone else is very important for all of us.
@Cody Fousnaugh, that is a good life, and you sound like you get how blessed both, you and your wife, are. The best way to honor your marriage is to enjoy it. I was blessed with almost 48 years with Michael, and yes we too had our ups and downs, but that’s what gave all those years flavor. I never thought I could love someone as much as I loved that man. Now it’s time for me to move on, and see what there is still out “There” for me. I don’t want another relationship. It is time for me to look farther afield.
A good start to any future relationships...or not...is developing a real relationship with ourselves. We can never go wrong with discovering who we are...and what we want and desire... no matter how much time we have left on this earth. We spent so much of our time learning "everything" we can about the people we care about...my question is why don't we care about ourselves enough to learn about ourselves too? A good Doctor will be honest enough to tell you that many of our health problems are caused by stress and depression in our lives, not to mention the fact that we don't take enough time for ourselves to know when to slow down, etc. Sometimes that "check in our spirits" or heartburn...or anything else you want to call it...is a wake up call to let you know you are taking care of everyone but yourself.
@Babs Hunt you have a rare opportunity of seeing these issues before it gets out of hand. What a gift you will be able to give your daughters. When I think back to my mother, I can now see the fright she faced at my age. I don’t think she even understood why she was afraid.
Can you break down your thoughts further on this Mike Dobra....because I'm not quite understanding your thoughts here...and I'd really like to.
Ina, in those last few days when my Mom was dying to this earth I will never forget that there was a time when she looked straight at me and I know in my heart there was either something she was asking me...or a last piece of wisdom she wanted to share with me (but she could no longer speak). I will never forget that look on her face and although I assured her I loved her and she had nothing to be afraid of...since she couldn't voice what was on her mind...to this day I wonder what she was trying to express...and pray I was able to give her peace in whatever it was.
@Babs Hunt, I know exactly how you feel. I had bought my mom a small used one bedroom trailer, and she lived about a mile from my back door at a place she worked at as a night watchman. I was able to check on her almost daily, although I was working 8 to 10 hours a day. Until she was 65, my mom didn’t have insurance, and Medicaid said her little night watchman job gave her just enough that she was ineligible for their coverage. She was so proud of herself though. It was her first real paying job, and that had taken me years to get her to see that she was really worthy enough to have. She’d had four marriages, all emotionally and physically abusive, before she saw that she didn’t have to marry just to survive. Mom died before she was 65&1/2. She had medicare just long enough to tell us her cigarette cough was destroying her heart. One evening, (she insisted on working her shift), I told her to be ready at seven in the am, and I would be taking her to the doctor’s. Well she died in my arms as I was trying to get her into my car. That is when I saw how bad her fear was. She told me she was afraid. All I could tell her was not to be, that I just knew the Creator loved her too, and then she was gone.