Tolerance

Since we have a lot of new people here, I thought I'd boot this thread to the top because my opening post here pretty well expresses the way in which I believe forums can run smoothly, or at least as smoothly as possible.

I didn't use the phrase in my opening post, but the topic includes political correctness. This is not a politically correct forum, but I'd like to clarify what I mean by that.

In a civil society, which I consider this forum to be, there is no need to use offensive or derogatory terms to refer to people of various races, religions, sexual preferences, or whatever. Often, these words are used by the enemies of these groups of people strategically, to dehumanize them, and to make them afraid or even ashamed to be who they are. They are used to shut them out of the conversation, and that is wrong.

However, today, political correctness itself is used to shut people out of the conversation. It is not wrong to hold a politically incorrect view. It is wrong to shut other views out or to hit people over the head with your viewpoint.

If your conscience, values, or beliefs, or even your background and experiences, lead you to have negative feelings toward members of a particular group, that's a part of who you are, and you are just as legitimate as anyone else, and it is just as wrong to shut you out of the conversation. When it is on-topic in a thread, you should feel free to express your opinion as long as you can do so in a civil and considerate manner.

As an example, let's use one of the more socially hot-button issues - sexual preference or identity. Please bear with me to the end.

I am a Christian, and my understanding of the Bible leads me to believe that homosexuality is a sin and, while I may not be a scientist, my understanding of science leads me to believe that there are two sexes, male and female.

These, however, are my personal beliefs and understandings; they are not the official policy of this forum. You are free to disagree with my opinions. Not everyone here is a Christian, and not every Christian has the same understandings. Additionally, there are some actual scientists who buy into the idea of multiple genders. There is room for discussion, and there's no reason for us all to have to agree on all this stuff, anyhow.

Although I may believe that homosexuality is a sin and that as a Christian, I should hate the sin, nothing in anything that I believe tells me that I should hate everyone who sins. That would be a whole lot of hate, and I'm not up to it.

My daughter, who died a few years ago, was gay. In fact, she was a co-founder of the organization that was instrumental in doing away with the military's don't ask, don't tell policies. We shared the same taste in books and many other things, and we had a very good relationship. I enjoyed her, I miss her very much, and I was very proud of her accomplishments even though I disagreed with the cause. She knew full well what her mother and I felt about homosexuality, and we didn't avoid the topic.

Her sexuality wasn't a common topic of discussion because, after all, how much time do parents spend talking to their grown daughters about their sex life, anyhow, and a person is so much more than who they prefer to sleep with. When it came up, we talked about it, but there was no reason for that to pervade the many other things that there were in her life to talk about. In the entirety of topics that came up for discussion, we probably agreed more often than we disagreed, and there is no reason for disagreement to be a negative, anyhow.

No, this is not the thread to discuss opinions on homosexuality. I am using this as an example here because this is what we are fairly well achieving here, together as a forum community.

I don't have to agree with someone's sexual choices, or even agree on whether it was a choice, in order to respect them as a person. Even if I were sensitive politically, I wouldn't need to agree with someone's political views in order to enjoy what they have to say on a host of other topics, and hopefully, I'd be mature enough to be able to discuss political topics in a civil manner too. If not, I'd just stay out of the political topics.

Whatever the issue is, we should be able to talk to one another. Hopefully, we can come to a point where we can even talk to one another about the issues we disagree on but, until then, there are always other issues.

My goal here is not for us to reach a kumbaya moment, where we all agree on everything because, quite frankly, that would be scary and boring at the same time. My ultimate goal is for us to be able to express unpopular opinions without hating one another. Secondarily, I would hope that we might learn to carry on a civil discussion even with people we might hate. We could learn that it's a lot harder to hate people that you're talking to.

So that's it. If you're new to the Seniors Only Club forum, welcome. Otherwise, thanks for helping to keep this forum interesting.

The simplified rules that we go by are...

1. Try not to be too offensive.
2. Try not to be too easily offended
3. Try to play well with others.

 

Perhaps we should be kinder to one another. A forum is similar to a family in some ways. The arguments and the annoyances that might seem so important at the time mean very little when someone is gone, and we find ourselves wishing we had put more effort into establishing and maintaining a relationship, and less into winning arguments and being annoyed.

 

Be kind, and be tolerant of those who may annoy you. I have read posts from people bemoaning the loss of members who have left the forum through death or other reasons, and some of these are those who multiple people wanted me to ban while they were still here, and I considered banning at least a couple of them. People can be annoying sometimes, and those who are the most memorable are often those who have had traits that some people enjoyed, but that others disliked. The very things that made them memorable struck different people in contrasting ways. You don't have to like someone in order for them to be interesting.