Tolerance

Discussion in 'Notices & Announcements' started by Ken Anderson, Aug 19, 2018.

  1. Martin Alonzo

    Martin Alonzo Supreme Member
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    NLP is Neurolinguistic Programming it is a type of psychology developed in the 1960 which proved to be so effective in treating mental disorders and health issues. Because it was using language to obtain this it was misused by some. It is used in business, politico, and anywhere that influencing people is wanted. You might hear that one group said the other was using NLP language against them.
    I know this is off topic but you asked. If you care to learn more PM me
     
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  2. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Senior Staff
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    Since we have a lot of new people here, I thought I'd boot this thread to the top because my opening post here pretty well expresses the way in which I believe forums can run smoothly, or at least as smoothly as possible.

    I didn't use the phrase in my opening post, but the topic includes political correctness. This is not a politically correct forum, but I'd like to clarify what I mean by that.

    In a civil society, which I consider this forum to be, there is no need to use offensive or derogatory terms to refer to people of various races, religions, sexual preferences, or whatever. Often, these words are used by the enemies of these groups of people strategically, to dehumanize them, and to make them afraid or even ashamed to be who they are. They are used to shut them out of the conversation, and that is wrong.

    However, today, political correctness itself is used to shut people out of the conversation. It is not wrong to hold a politically incorrect view. It is wrong to shut other views out or to hit people over the head with your viewpoint.

    If your conscience, values, or beliefs, or even your background and experiences, lead you to have negative feelings toward members of a particular group, that's a part of who you are, and you are just as legitimate as anyone else, and it is just as wrong to shut you out of the conversation. When it is on-topic in a thread, you should feel free to express your opinion as long as you can do so in a civil and considerate manner.

    As an example, let's use one of the more socially hot-button issues - sexual preference or identity. Please bear with me to the end.

    I am a Christian, and my understanding of the Bible leads me to believe that homosexuality is a sin and, while I may not be a scientist, my understanding of science leads me to believe that there are two sexes, male and female.

    These, however, are my personal beliefs and understandings; they are not the official policy of this forum. You are free to disagree with my opinions. Not everyone here is a Christian, and not every Christian has the same understandings. Additionally, there are some actual scientists who buy into the idea of multiple genders. There is room for discussion, and there's no reason for us all to have to agree on all this stuff, anyhow.

    Although I may believe that homosexuality is a sin and that as a Christian, I should hate the sin, nothing in anything that I believe tells me that I should hate everyone who sins. That would be a whole lot of hate, and I'm not up to it.

    My daughter, who died a few years ago, was gay. In fact, she was a co-founder of the organization that was instrumental in doing away with the military's don't ask, don't tell policies. We shared the same taste in books and many other things, and we had a very good relationship. I enjoyed her, I miss her very much, and I was very proud of her accomplishments even though I disagreed with the cause. She knew full well what her mother and I felt about homosexuality, and we didn't avoid the topic.

    Her sexuality wasn't a common topic of discussion because, after all, how much time do parents spend talking to their grown daughters about their sex life, anyhow, and a person is so much more than who they prefer to sleep with. When it came up, we talked about it, but there was no reason for that to pervade the many other things that there were in her life to talk about. In the entirety of topics that came up for discussion, we probably agreed more often than we disagreed, and there is no reason for disagreement to be a negative, anyhow.

    No, this is not the thread to discuss opinions on homosexuality. I am using this as an example here because this is what we are fairly well achieving here, together as a forum community.

    I don't have to agree with someone's sexual choices, or even agree on whether it was a choice, in order to respect them as a person. Even if I were sensitive politically, I wouldn't need to agree with someone's political views in order to enjoy what they have to say on a host of other topics, and hopefully, I'd be mature enough to be able to discuss political topics in a civil manner too. If not, I'd just stay out of the political topics.

    Whatever the issue is, we should be able to talk to one another. Hopefully, we can come to a point where we can even talk to one another about the issues we disagree on but, until then, there are always other issues.

    My goal here is not for us to reach a kumbaya moment, where we all agree on everything because, quite frankly, that would be scary and boring at the same time. My ultimate goal is for us to be able to express unpopular opinions without hating one another. Secondarily, I would hope that we might learn to carry on a civil discussion even with people we might hate. We could learn that it's a lot harder to hate people that you're talking to.

    So that's it. If you're new to the Seniors Only Club forum, welcome. Otherwise, thanks for helping to keep this forum interesting.

    The simplified rules that we go by are...
    1. Try not to be too offensive.
    2. Try not to be too easily offended
    3. Try to play well with others.
     
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  3. Marie Mallery

    Marie Mallery Veteran Member
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    Very good post.
    Many want to dwell on what they agree with and won't even debate opposite opinions or views. Even if they agree with you on most other issue's they will only dwell on the one issue they don't agree with.
    Then you have those who will ignore all subjects unless they like or agree with the subject which Imo is rude and eventually members will leave the forum if they are being ignored or don't feel part of it.
    I don't think there are any bad people here if so, I haven't noticed them. But many here will ignore new members or those not in the 'clique'. Cliques are ok too long as they don't dominate. Then it is no longer a discussion forum but a private club.
    I will post on threads I don't particularly care for, no interest in just to be polite and let the person know somebody is paying attention to them. Some of those have been some of the best threads in the long run.

    Just my thoughts.
     
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  4. Lois Winters

    Lois Winters Veteran Member
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    There is a vast difference between tolerance and patience. Sometimes tolerance can be offensive to an individual, but patience is usually welcome as it is a form of acceptance of who and what we are and stand for. I, like Ken, may feel as he does regarding the fact that there are only 2 genders. Instant reaction to those who profess otherwise usually results in one thinking these people are just plain nuts. However, we look at the science and come to the realization that some are simply wired differently. Genes and chromosomes are an important part of all this as is hormonal development. Not all folks are the same and it is the diversity that makes the world go round. We are all flawed in some manner or another, either accept the fact or move on to that which makes you more comfortable. Have patience, friends, you are far from perfect. Laugh more at some of our frailties as many are very humorous.
     
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  5. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Senior Staff
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    Perhaps we should be kinder to one another. A forum is similar to a family in some ways. The arguments and the annoyances that might seem so important at the time mean very little when someone is gone, and we find ourselves wishing we had put more effort into establishing and maintaining a relationship, and less into winning arguments and being annoyed.
     
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  6. Jeff Elohim

    Jeff Elohim Very Well-Known Member
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    https://circleofthedolphins.wordpress.com/category/neuro-linguistic-programming/
    Possibly Useless Un-neccesary and Dangerous?.
    "Despite early fascination, by 2008 or so I had largely come to the conclusion that it’s next to useless — a way of manipulating language that greatly overestimates its own effectiveness as a discipline, really doesn’t achieve much in the way of any kind of lasting change, and contains no real core of respect for people or even true understanding of how people work.

    After throwing it to the wayside, however, I became convinced that understanding NLP is crucial simply so that people can resist its use. It’s kind of like PUA thing that was popular in the mid-’00s — a group of a few techniques that worked for a few unscrupulous people until the public figured out what was going on and rejected it, like the body identifying and rejecting foreign material."
     
    #21
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  7. Mary Stetler

    Mary Stetler Veteran Member
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    As far as tolerance goes, I find I am a bit more tolerant of strangers than of family. (except for road rage):mad:
    Families should toe the line--except for me, of course.
    I am judgemental in my head more than I should be. I guess I hold degrees of inappropriateness. I surprise myself at what I defend and then think negatively about people.
    mea culpa
     
    #22
  8. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Supreme Member
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    Well, the more I see what some people look like in the city we live in, the less tolerance (in my mind) I have.

    Yesterday evening, at the grocery store, I seen a young guy with tattoos from head to foot. That included all over his face! I don't think I've ever seen so many on one person in all of my life. He had more than Machine Gun Kelly..........and that's a lot!
     
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  9. Marie Mallery

    Marie Mallery Veteran Member
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    I think sometimes we all have bad days and need to know when that's happening so we don't take it out on others.
    I have been guilty of that and try to work on it. Also I am the opinionated type.
    Thanks for reminder.
     
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  10. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Senior Staff
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    Be kind, and be tolerant of those who may annoy you. I have read posts from people bemoaning the loss of members who have left the forum through death or other reasons, and some of these are those who multiple people wanted me to ban while they were still here, and I considered banning at least a couple of them. People can be annoying sometimes, and those who are the most memorable are often those who have had traits that some people enjoyed, but that others disliked. The very things that made them memorable struck different people in contrasting ways. You don't have to like someone in order for them to be interesting.
     
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  11. Faye Fox

    Faye Fox Veteran Member
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    I will speak for myself that my tolerance is less than it was when I was young and my old age intolerance concerns actions and intent more than appearances.
     
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  12. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Supreme Member
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    I'm not sure if I'm becoming more tolerant or have just reached the stage where I just don't give a sh!t.
     
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  13. Faye Fox

    Faye Fox Veteran Member
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    I am confused, Shirley. I thought not giving a shit was intolerance. :confused::D:D:D
     
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    Last edited: Nov 3, 2022
  14. Hedi Mitchell

    Hedi Mitchell Supreme Member
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  15. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Supreme Member
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    No, no, no. .... Not giving a shit is constipation.
     
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