Aging Alone

Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by Beth Gallagher, Sep 20, 2022.

  1. Ed Wilson

    Ed Wilson Veteran Member
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    I've always been a bit of a loner but not completely. I like my solitude but appreciate good company, but not all company, for a while anyway, then back to my lair. Too much togetherness and you start getting on the other person's nerves and vice versa.
     
    #181
  2. Jacob Petersheim

    Jacob Petersheim Very Well-Known Member
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    That's why I was thinking of places to go to when you felt like being social.
     
    #182
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  3. Teresa Levitt

    Teresa Levitt Veteran Member
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    i am also having difficulty in deciding what would be best for me...feelings of isolation as ...i am isolated...are overwhelming...
    i will carefully consider my needs and capability of how much involvement i can live with ...
    guess some of my problem is mistrust of people and their judgment
     
    #183
  4. John Brunner

    John Brunner Senior Staff
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    I'm the same way. Too much time around people makes me tired.
     
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  5. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Senior Staff
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    I agree, but also, I like company when I go somewhere, like out to lunch, or even grocery shopping. I really miss having my friend , Evelyn, because she enjoyed that, too, and we both had company and went all sorts of places together. Being stuck at home all the time is the other end of the spectrum, from too much company.
     
    #185
  6. Caitlin D Burnside

    Caitlin D Burnside Well-Known Member
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    I got married for love, companionship and adventure. However, a situation with health of my spouse, I unbeknownst to me after the first five years, brought a meaningful change...

    Sad as it is, once I became a Mother in my own right with husband the father of our munchkins, the dynamic changed overnight. Love, companionship, adventures disappeared. I was a married but single Parent. I had to take charge of everything at home all by myself.

    I was accused of suffering from that mental disorder BUT in the end, it wasn't me, it was my husband who did, and it was passed onto our children to various degree.

    It was lonesome but my survival skills kicked in and I plowed through forward. Granted, I waited for years to know if I'd be told the truth but it never came.

    Therefore, with the situations at hand, I believed I was aging alone. Now, I'm widowed, I'd like some love but I'm not prepared to move in so soon.

    I loved unconditionally but was very lonely. Put it simply, been there, done that... Granted, I knew what to do to go forward within a marriage... However, I'm unsure of how to go about approaching new love. I believe someone is out there for me. The same goals minus a family with children are what I want later on...
     
    #186
  7. Jacob Petersheim

    Jacob Petersheim Very Well-Known Member
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    I'm in a funny spot myself right now.

    However if you can connect with somebody you can trust (don't ask me how you get there) then there are things that can be remarkably fulfilling.

    One of those may simply be a long distance friendship. Set the rules up front and insist on platonic discourse. Keeping things within those bounds is probably vital to prevent a level of emotional attachment that might risk a lot of pain.

    The only way that I can think of to head that off might be to establish from the start that nobody involved is making any level of commitments. Indeed, to keep it more like friends or brother & sister one or both friends might be looking locally for a partner and the friends might share tips and highs and lows. In the meantime you both get an ear for friendship and support and a reduction in both of your feelings of isolation.

    This could be emails, texting, PMs, and phone calls in any mix. Might even include video calls if both are up for that.

    Imagine you have a lousy nightmare and just want someone to decompress with. He could be that for you, pick up the phone.

    Or you pick a movie together, each watching it synced up, while texting back and forth. Laptops might be easier than typing on a phone, but some phones can work with a phone stand combined with a Bluetooth keyboard too.

    Maybe you'd like somebody who would call each day to say good morning, good night, or both. Discuss meal planning, make sure you both take your pills, are eating right, getting some exercise.

    You may never meet and it may end someday. Be prepared.
     
    #187
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  8. Beth Gallagher

    Beth Gallagher Supreme Member
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    I haven't made any new friends in several years now, but I still have several "old" friends who I keep up with and go to lunch occasionally. We have various health issues, so we don't go out as much as we used to do but they are always "there" for me to talk to and they are very supportive. We have known each other since our children were small so we have that bond of being involved with each other's families as well. I can see how it would be difficult to make new friends as seniors, especially as we become more home-bound.
     
    #188
  9. Teresa Levitt

    Teresa Levitt Veteran Member
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    you've hit the nail on the head...this staves off the alone feeling..chatting is what I like...laughing..
    I play a little Farmville game online that has chat ..for this reason...just interacting with a person...daily funnies..encouraging words...exactly..let's talk more about this...i gotta pick up round here..be back
     
    #189
  10. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Senior Staff
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    This is one of the things that Bobby does , too, @Teresa Levitt . He enjoys playing gambling games online, and he has a whole team of people from all over who enjoy doing that, and he said that they have a chat area as well as the game-playing area; so he can play games and visit with his online friends all at the same time.

    I have facebook, and I do interact a little with friends and family on there, and also belong to some of the facebook groups that i am interested in; but those are mostly just looking and reading, and not chatting with people in the group.
    I miss Idaho, and belong to several of the Idaho groups, and also some ancient history groups on facebook.
     
    #190
  11. Teresa Levitt

    Teresa Levitt Veteran Member
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    thank you Yvonne...for all the care you give people...as you know..i am a lite talker... like the chat..and not long discussion...
    sorta funny..but I have no friends on Facebook...
    that site gathers up people from 4 corners of the world...and people use lots of uploaded pictures...course meaningful or funny quotes...
    i am not a forward enough person for Facebook...
    guess that's why those little farming games are how i interact
    lottsa laughter there ..plus..
    fact that i m a bonified hillbilly...
    Thanks again hon
     
    #191
  12. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Supreme Member
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    Just a note about the “gambling games”.
    I formed a team on a site that features hold’ em, black jack and even slots and we play in tournaments and work for better levels of play for larger rewards.
    That said, as it is with almost all on-line games, one can spend money buying credits that are extremely expensive or play with whatever they can win which is what I choose to do.
    *The axiom being, if you have enough money to gamble, you have enough money to feed the poor, I don’t gamble with money.

    I had the option of forming a team that is totally English speaking and writing but since most of the world does write at least a little English, I decided to make it world wide and with no restrictions on how few or how many credits one has to play with.
    I can have up to 40 members of my team and right now I have 36; some of which are from Germany, Greece, countries in Africa, Canada, Ukraine, Russia, (those two actually like each other) Indonesia, Bali and yes, the United States and England.

    Now, as to the conversations, they’re always brief but you never know what someone is going to come up with.
    It is entertaining and I get to really know some of those folks and about their cultures and stuff like that.
    By the bye…..I have nearly 5 billion credits. I’m filthy rich!!
     
    #192
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  13. Joy Martin

    Joy Martin Veteran Member
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    Being that I'm so limited in walking and gave up auto yrs ago, I MUST remain content with being alive and doing as I do....if one lives long enough, they become seniors. Meditate, stretch on bed, just move the body as you can, I do. I'm doing some shrugs right now.

    A 95 yr old bridge friend called me today, she was worried as I did not call her on her BD, 2/14//told her I've been rather down hearted about the world and it affects me.... She lives in assited living but thinking of moving out after 7 yrs, her rent keeps being raised and MOST people in her home are alzheimers....no one to talk to.....Her mind is good and we talked about our bridge playing lives....And how grateful we are.
     
    #193
  14. Jacob Petersheim

    Jacob Petersheim Very Well-Known Member
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    Funny how we can fool ourselves that we know our course ahead. I was thinking I had the alone problem licked but our control over life and even awareness of our situation can be thin or even self-delusional.

    One day though clarity can strike and illusion evaporates like a morning fog in sunlight.
     
    #194
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  15. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Senior Staff
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    This is how life goes, I think. None of us know what tomorrow is going to bring, we just have to do our best to look for the good in everything and work our way through the mud puddles of life, and not keep wallowing.
    I have done my share of wallowing, but eventually put the pieces (that were left) back together and started over. Sometimes, I think that there are not enough pieces left, and I am not sure i could start over again if it comes to that.
     
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