Folks, I'll take your advice and wait until the stormy waters have become calm again before making any hard moving decisions. When my daughter recently came 2000 miles from Chicago to see me, she also took care of researching care givers and life alert systems, both of which she has secured for me. I'll learn how to work the laundry room appliances and cook microwave dinners, too. (I'm good at Sandwiches!) Thanks for all your pointers! Hal
You'll do fine, Hal. After the initial flurry of activity around the funeral service, you might start to consider uncluttering and getting rid of a lot of stuff. That way you'll be more prepared to move into a smaller place later. Good luck to you.
I might just add, Hal, a method I use during any busy or stressful time. Get a large spiral notebook and some little sticky tabs to mark pages. When things you need to do come to mind, write them down. Check daily and mark off things you have taken care of. Also a section just for ideas. This will be a great thing for you with memory issues. I recently helped a friend that was overwhelmed get through all the things that the death of a loved one, especially a spouse will present. Here are some ideas and most of these you may have already taken care of. Also things others are taking care of, be sure to keep notes on their progress. 1. Get a death certificate - This is an important document for social security, retirement, unions, bank accounts, credit cards, life insurance, and the list goes on. 2. Contact social security and all the mentioned above. 3. Make a list of downsizing - list items and get an idea of a fair selling price. List all the items the family might want and who will want them. Get down phone numbers of estate buyers and other buyers such as for example maybe a motorbike, piano, or musical instruments. Make notes if you run ads. 4. Log all phone calls and correspondence so you can find it all quickly. 5. Get a large wall calendar and write the most important things on it that must be done that day. Look at it every morning. Example doctor at 10 AM and lawyer at 2 PM. 6. Set your goals for the next day and be easy on yourself. Don't procrastinate, but don't tackle more than you can handle. Just write down everything, because even with a great memory, it is easy to forget during times of high stress. Documentation is the key to avoiding a lot of problems that can arise from the death of a spouse. Maybe when the time comes to move, you might want to have lunch with Lon. Get a first-hand idea if that is the right thing for you. Consider semi assisted living where you have a small place like a duplex instead of an apartment. That is what I am considering. I want a place with a garage and a duplex where the garages are joined and the lawn is all cared for etc. Weight what is best, renting or buying. What would be best for your daughter when you exit this old rock. Lots to consider, so just write it down and share with us anything you need opinions about.
Dear Faye, That big information and suggestion-filled post of yours was equivalent to someone giving me the Constituution to memorize! It was like a hand grenade going off alongside me while I was reading. I'm not even prepared to write anything down anywhere...I'm just like shrapnel falling to the ground after a bomb burst...totally without direction or purpose. Your post was a well-written essay for those who have it together and need a well-defined course that leads to a specific goal. I'm not ready for any of this at this time, but I thank you profoundly. Sincerely, Hal, with no navigational charts and a broken rudder.
At times like these, it is easy to lose direction. This is why a simple notebook and a pen could help you find direction and a direction of your choosing rather than a direction that others decide for you. Judy sounds like a gal that had it together. Wouldn't she want you to enjoy your last years the way you choose?
Dear Faye: A notebook and pen sounds like a simple way to list and to dispose of one's problems. I don't work that way. I would disregard where the notebook places the importance of the problems and concentrate on the one that's irritating me at the moment, regardless of where it lies on the list! When I get rid of that problem, then I'll think of what new one is irritating me and work on that one. No organized notebook can handle this for me! Hal
Hal, maybe this might be of some help. I had been going through a spell where I constantly had the feeling that I was forgetting something important or was leaving something undone. Also, I could never leave the house without checking the stove, thermostat, locked doors and suchlike twice or three times. I recognized this state of mind from a similar spell I'd had years ago. In my case the symptoms I was expressing were a sum total of all the anxieties I had with several on my mind at once, but never able to grasp all of them at once. My solution was to make a list of every trouble I could think of, in no particular order of importance. It got to be a long list and I was able to have some sympathy for myself for all the things that were worrying me. It was a long list but the important thing was; there was an end to it. Down on paper was everything that was bothering me. I went over it item by item deciding what I could do about certain things and what I couldn't do about others. My anxiety level went way down and I was able to prioritize my troubles and deal with them. I wish you well. I deal with a lot of loneliness myself since my beloved died.
@Dwight Ward & @Hal Pollner you 2 are going to be my best friends shortly(it may be a long shortly tho)
Oh Hal you misunderstand me. I am not suggesting you can rid yourself of grief or problems by writing things down or change anything that has happened. All I am suggesting is it might help alleviate future problems. You are probably lucky enough to have others you can trust to handle necessary business and keep all the vultures that prey on grieving seniors at bay, so discard my suggestion. I sincerely hope you can find some measure of peace in time but I know it is hard and as we age it gets increasingly harder.